University Of Kansas Grad Ends Hunger Strike After It Becomes Clear Everyone Was Going To Let Him Die
Johnny Cowan, a 2014 University of Kansas graduate and giant tool, ended his hunger strike today after it became very apparent that everyone at KU was content with letting him die.
KU grad Johnny Cowan is hunger striking on campus to show solidarity for #Mizzou, #RockChalkInvisibleHawk and more: pic.twitter.com/9zfqhtTAxk
— Conrad Swanson (@Conrad_Swanson) November 14, 2015
Cowan, whose intentions seemed, at best, misguided, starved himself for 70 hours before making the decision to call it quits. His reasoning? He didn’t want to garner attention for the wrong reasons. Yeah, sure thing, champ.
From The Kansan:
Johnny Cowan, a 2014 University graduate, said he chose to end his hunger strike because it was gaining attention for the wrong reasons.
“It is not my place to act without guidance of oppressed people,” Cowan said in an updated statement.
A first-ballot Hall-of-Fame social justice warrior, Cowan also used the spotlight as an opportunity to apologize for his actions in 2014, when he interrupted classes to protest while wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. This guy is satire in human form.
Cowan announced only a few days ago that he would die for his cause — an empty promise that clearly did not come to fruition. In an initial interview with the local paper, Cowan cited his white privilege as one of the reasons for his failed hunger strike:
From The Huffington Post:
Meanwhile, John Cowan, a white 2014 University of Kansas graduate, began a hunger strike on campus Friday morning in solidarity with KU student group movements. If the activist groups’ demands are not met or if a plan of action is not issued by KU, “then I die or go to the hospital,” Cowan told the newspaper, echoing the sentiments of a graduate student at the University of Missouri who ended his hunger strike last week after the resignations of University of Missouri System President Tim Wolfe and Chancellor R. Bowen Loftin.
“I’m kind of at an advantage because of my white privilege, so my suffering is self-inflicted,” said Cowan. “Others don’t have that choice, it’s inflicted upon them.”
This guy’s entire story hits all of the plot points I expected to see on this Wednesday’s South Park.
Someone mentioned this earlier, but I think I’m going to double-down on it now: the voting age should be raised to 25. It is clear now that young adults between 18-22 have no business making real world decisions. All of these movements and protests stemming from Mizzou that were so incredibly predictable have become so outrageous that I am at a complete loss for words.
I mean, I literally stumbled onto a protest while touring Northwestern Friday afternoon where the students didn’t even have an agenda for why they were protesting. It went from “systemic oppression” to “this school doesn’t give a shit about black people” to “why hasn’t the dean emailed us yet to say she cares about us?” in about 90 seconds.
This shit is happening everywhere now, but Cowan’s pathetic social justice charade is by far the funniest example of psuedo-activism I’ve seen to date. I’m excited for at least two more weeks of this nonsense before it cycles out of the news and we move on to the next big, stupid thing society is rallying around..
[via The Kansan]
Image via YouTube

Damn. I was really looking forward to that one.
10 years ago at 8:05 pm“But I just can’t live without my kale salad and Starbucks carmel macchiato!”
10 years ago at 8:05 pmTo be fair he had a pumpkin spice latte on hand during the strike
10 years ago at 8:46 pmAnyone else here have a complete disregard for the well-being of cry baby entitled college students that have never known what real life is?
10 years ago at 8:08 pmI’ve been more than 70 hours without food as a pledge. Fuck this guy.
10 years ago at 8:09 pmI do not believe you for a second.
10 years ago at 11:12 pmI believe it. A fuck ton of adderall, many heaters, could last you a minimum of two days, 70 hours is pushing it. But definitely possible. Especially when pledging.
10 years ago at 5:35 amYou just described my hell week
10 years ago at 1:50 pmDude, that’s past hazing. That’s not healthy. Unless that was your own decision, in which I respond by saying you’re an idiot.
10 years ago at 12:59 amBending the truth in a memory to make a pussy liberal seem like more of a pussy. TFM.
10 years ago at 1:47 amYou really know how bad you’ve had it when people don’t believe this.
10 years ago at 6:06 am“If he dies, he dies”
10 years ago at 8:09 pm“I must break you”
10 years ago at 8:33 pm“You vill loose.”
10 years ago at 12:07 pm“I want anal play”
10 years ago at 8:01 amDon’t believe Drago said that chief
10 years ago at 9:27 am98% chance it would have ended poorly for some party involved
10 years ago at 8:09 pm100% chance you’re a dumbass.
10 years ago at 8:45 pmI’ll take it
10 years ago at 8:58 pmAnyone else think the name Conrad Swanson is epic?
10 years ago at 8:10 pmGet a job, hippie.
10 years ago at 8:11 pmHe probably can’t with his more than likely worthless degree.
10 years ago at 6:18 amGood effort chief
10 years ago at 8:13 pmI was really looking forward to him dying
10 years ago at 8:14 pm