University Of Kansas Grad Ends Hunger Strike After It Becomes Clear Everyone Was Going To Let Him Die

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Johnny Cowan, a 2014 University of Kansas graduate and giant tool, ended his hunger strike today after it became very apparent that everyone at KU was content with letting him die.

Cowan, whose intentions seemed, at best, misguided, starved himself for 70 hours before making the decision to call it quits. His reasoning? He didn’t want to garner attention for the wrong reasons. Yeah, sure thing, champ.

From The Kansan:

Johnny Cowan, a 2014 University graduate, said he chose to end his hunger strike because it was gaining attention for the wrong reasons.

“It is not my place to act without guidance of oppressed people,” Cowan said in an updated statement.

A first-ballot Hall-of-Fame social justice warrior, Cowan also used the spotlight as an opportunity to apologize for his actions in 2014, when he interrupted classes to protest while wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. This guy is satire in human form.

Cowan announced only a few days ago that he would die for his cause — an empty promise that clearly did not come to fruition. In an initial interview with the local paper, Cowan cited his white privilege as one of the reasons for his failed hunger strike:

From The Huffington Post:

Meanwhile, John Cowan, a white 2014 University of Kansas graduate, began a hunger strike on campus Friday morning in solidarity with KU student group movements. If the activist groups’ demands are not met or if a plan of action is not issued by KU, “then I die or go to the hospital,” Cowan told the newspaper, echoing the sentiments of a graduate student at the University of Missouri who ended his hunger strike last week after the resignations of University of Missouri System President Tim Wolfe and Chancellor R. Bowen Loftin.

“I’m kind of at an advantage because of my white privilege, so my suffering is self-inflicted,” said Cowan. “Others don’t have that choice, it’s inflicted upon them.”

This guy’s entire story hits all of the plot points I expected to see on this Wednesday’s South Park.

Someone mentioned this earlier, but I think I’m going to double-down on it now: the voting age should be raised to 25. It is clear now that young adults between 18-22 have no business making real world decisions. All of these movements and protests stemming from Mizzou that were so incredibly predictable have become so outrageous that I am at a complete loss for words.

I mean, I literally stumbled onto a protest while touring Northwestern Friday afternoon where the students didn’t even have an agenda for why they were protesting. It went from “systemic oppression” to “this school doesn’t give a shit about black people” to “why hasn’t the dean emailed us yet to say she cares about us?” in about 90 seconds.

This shit is happening everywhere now, but Cowan’s pathetic social justice charade is by far the funniest example of psuedo-activism I’ve seen to date. I’m excited for at least two more weeks of this nonsense before it cycles out of the news and we move on to the next big, stupid thing society is rallying around.

[via The Kansan]

Image via YouTube

  1. acfabregat

    They’ll start cannibalizing themselves as soon as the protests overlap too heavily. Once they over saturate the market protest wise, it’s only a matter of time until the whole thing collapses. Black lives matter protests Gays for Palestine. Whites Rejecting Privilege protest Mexicans Without Borders. No one cares and they all say fuck it and move to Canada.

    10 years ago at 8:14 pm
    1. Theta_Theta

      But they don’t understand Econ so they’ll never see it coming and if any of them wise up a bit and study some economics they’ll stop protesting

      10 years ago at 9:12 pm
      1. acfabregat

        These are the kind of people who support the creation of a social justice minor, they have no desire to learn anything useful.

        10 years ago at 8:49 am
  2. Alumni Shibby

    Go on a hunger strike until people stop leaving you mean comments, Steve Holt.

    10 years ago at 8:14 pm
  3. Venture Fratalist

    Should have named this article “Loser wants attention but doesn’t get it but I’m going to give it to him anyways.”

    Actually you should have just not fucking wrote this at all.

    10 years ago at 8:15 pm
  4. Ampersand799

    He should go on a hunger strike until KU wins a football game if he really wants to support a losing cause.

    10 years ago at 8:20 pm
  5. GeedsAreRuiningAmerica

    100 bucks says this guy has a humanities degree, which is why he has the time to go on a hunger strike at his alma mater, instead of going to his job.

    10 years ago at 8:22 pm
  6. geed_N_proud

    Pretty much any fraternity member that has had a nice Coke binge has gone on a 70 hour hunger strike.

    10 years ago at 8:23 pm
  7. FranklinHowardStogie

    Voting age should just be raised, it should only be people who pay taxes who get to vote. That’ll get the hippies to understand reality.

    10 years ago at 8:26 pm
    1. Liam2405

      And for the love of God could we take away woman suffrage?!? All any girl wants is for Hilary to be president and yet none of them could name any of her beliefs or policies.

      10 years ago at 10:51 pm
      1. PaulBlart

        If you can’t be drafted you shouldn’t be able to vote. Take that how you want, either allow women to be drafted or don’t let them vote.

        10 years ago at 8:43 am
  8. Kid Frock

    Steve, you just said the legal voting age should be bumped up to 25 because “young adults between 18-22 have no business making real world decisions”. Just think about how little sense that makes… Do you even think before you type? Or do you just vomit on your keyboard and post things? Don’t think we’ve forgot about how much we hate you, Steve. Rot in hell.

    10 years ago at 8:27 pm
  9. Chris P. Bacon

    This guy just got really hungry. Only reason he actually stopped. He realized he was jumping on the protest bandwagon.

    10 years ago at 8:32 pm
  10. SteveHoltAnalytics

    You’ve hit a word count high of 353 words for today. Take that as you will.

    10 years ago at 8:37 pm
    1. SteveHoltOnDrugs

      You are either A) Totally insane, B) Have way too much time on your hands, or C) Have the most creative Pledge Educator on the planet.

      10 years ago at 9:06 pm