Let’s Get Weird
It’s Friday, the sun is out (in Austin anyway), and alcohol is readily available in the United States of America, so let’s get weird.
Can someone transcribe these in brail and send it to HelenKellerTFM’s family so that fucker will email me? How fitting, though, that our Commenter of the Week was the same guy who was called out in last week’s very top comment for just basically being shitty and blackball worthy. That was a total coincidence, by the way. I just went back and looked at the comments from last week about 10 minutes ago for the first time.
A few of you are asking me to bring back the email exchange between broken pledge Karl and his very concerned, overbearing mother. It’s going to happen. I promise. It’s such a lame excuse but I have been crazy busy at work and away from it.
Hit me with comments or questions or what you have going on this weekend.
Hey Dorn, I know vaginator sucked you off during his commenter of the week interview, but can you for the love of God blackball that fucker?
8 years ago at 1:26 pmnah
8 years ago at 1:42 pmI find him slightly amusing. I’ll take my laps now.
8 years ago at 2:42 pmDorn, serious question. Can we do a Friday Night Frat Fights? Get a ring and two people (me and vaginator, for instance) and let me beat the shit of him? You can sell advertising, tickets, steam it on Facebook. Have two fraternities featured each week. Have your people contact my people.
8 years ago at 3:10 pmAndrews mom’s ass will put that shit on Facebook
8 years ago at 4:23 pmI’ll send an email blast to all of my AOL contacts! He and Andrew have such fun trading Pokémon cards!
8 years ago at 4:30 pmHa ha that didn’t make sense! I’ve had too much cranberry juice and vodka!
8 years ago at 4:32 pmI’d watch
8 years ago at 10:00 pmYou mad bro? I might need to move in because I sure do own a lot of real estate inside your head
8 years ago at 11:36 pmI’m mad you’re still conscious.
8 years ago at 11:49 pmVag, the grown ups are talking. Don’t speak unless spoken to.
8 years ago at 10:57 amYou dont talk to your master like that. Now fetch me a beer and give me two hours of elephant walk you fucking serf
8 years ago at 7:08 pmSomeone needs a timeout until he can get his temper under control.
8 years ago at 12:29 pmMonday at 9 apparently.
8 years ago at 11:48 pmHas nothing to do with the weekend, but what happened to Buscemi?
8 years ago at 1:35 pmGot canned like 3 months ago.
8 years ago at 1:52 pmEditor at the Chive. Still in Austin.
8 years ago at 3:00 pmChive still exists?
8 years ago at 3:06 pmOwned by Resignation Media, HQ in Austin. Boosh is a Junior Editor.
8 years ago at 3:27 pmEarly bold prediction it will be Spurs VS Celtics NBA finals
8 years ago at 1:37 pmIt will be Cavs Warriors, and you know that.
8 years ago at 2:06 pmTrue, that’s why it’s called a bold prediction
8 years ago at 2:30 pmWhat was your favorite Christmas present as a child?
8 years ago at 1:56 pmOriginal Nintendo
8 years ago at 2:44 pmMy dad is still getting it, it’s been 10 years but he’s coming. I know he’s coming.
8 years ago at 9:43 pmFor Dorn it was his younger cousin Timmy
8 years ago at 6:43 pmOk you jags, crowdsource time. I’m looking for the door with this girl. whats the best, believeable and chickenshit you can think of to end it without a big emotional scene?
8 years ago at 2:02 pmTell her your gay
8 years ago at 2:08 pmYou’re
8 years ago at 8:51 amTell her you fucked her sorority sister. She’ll never wanna talk to you again. And probably slap the shit out of you which would be great TV.
8 years ago at 2:09 pm“Look, I’m just going through some family stuff that I need to take care of before I can really commit to anything. You get it, right?”
8 years ago at 2:14 pmTreat her like shit until she cheats on you then never talk to her again
8 years ago at 3:04 pmIve pulled that before and it didn’t work. Some girls dont mind being treated like shit
8 years ago at 3:46 pmLike vaginators mom
8 years ago at 1:02 pmWow good one man! You really showed me! Get me a beer you fucking peasant.
8 years ago at 7:16 pmYou must be the coolest kid on the short bus
8 years ago at 11:56 pmAnd God bless them
8 years ago at 8:38 pmWhat kind of a fucking halfwit thinks her friends wouldn’t find all of this bs and show it to her? Better man up before you lose more than just a girlfriend.
8 years ago at 3:28 pmStart crapping the bed every time you stay at her place, stay at her place constantly and leave messes everywhere, never clean up anything, when she eventually bitches at you for leaving messes and crapping the bed say you’ll work on it, but don’t do shit, ask for money constantly or always be asking for her to get you stuff with no intention of paying her back, get sloppy drunk anytime you’ll be able to sleep it off, but do it really late at night and always wake her up, she’ll eventually just think youre a trashy pig and break it off.
8 years ago at 3:12 pmPull out a gun and blow her fucking head off.
8 years ago at 3:22 pmWell that escalated quickly.
8 years ago at 4:08 pmHenry don’t fuck around when it comes to the bitches.
8 years ago at 6:16 pmIt’s Henry the Eighth. It’s his thing.
8 years ago at 11:50 pmJust tell her it’s over, you pussy.
8 years ago at 4:09 pmI asked the last girl I was with if I should get checked and she hasn’t spoke to me since
8 years ago at 8:28 pmNever getting checked = plausible deniability. yw
8 years ago at 2:01 amTell her you aren’t interested or start’a crap’n
8 years ago at 4:40 amI am going to eat laps for this, but listen to some JTrain podcast. Lots of write ins about how to bail, and I’m sure Papa JT’s got some Jew wisdom for you.
My advice? Be direct. Just tell her she sucks
8 years ago at 1:55 pmMe and a few buddies have been debating who the greatest rappers of all time are for a while now. I say that it goes: Nas, Biggie, Tupac, Eminem, Big L. Would like to hear some opinions on this.
8 years ago at 2:08 pmDy-lan. Because he spits hot fire
8 years ago at 2:10 pmAndre 3000. Jay-Z.
8 years ago at 3:38 pmIn my top 10 for sure
8 years ago at 4:29 pmAny list without Matty B is suspicious
8 years ago at 6:21 pmNas, Tribe Called Quest, Tupac, Biggie, Wu Tang, Moss Def and The Roots
8 years ago at 9:46 pmDon’t forget about Rakim. One of the originators.
8 years ago at 9:54 pmWhat about Drake???
8 years ago at 2:58 pmMF Doom
8 years ago at 11:01 amHeaven or Hell party tonight… anybody got any good suggestions for decorating “heaven”?
8 years ago at 2:13 pmMy version of heaven is being strapped to a wall while a fat Russian woman dressed head to toe in leather slaps my balls with no remorse. I don’t know how you’d be able to decorate that, though.
8 years ago at 2:16 pmI guess after decades of any PIR girl you want, you start finding new ways to spice things up.
8 years ago at 9:12 amCotton/foam/fog and white lights
8 years ago at 2:38 pmCotton and Foam are good.. the fog is gonna be downstairs, as you walk down the stairs the lights fade from white to red and fog comes up. Looks a lot like walking down the stairs to hell.
8 years ago at 2:46 pmFor Hell, put Wally’s photo everywhere and hand out copies of his “articles”
8 years ago at 3:08 pmGo Old Testament and burn some bush
8 years ago at 11:52 pmBest fast food when you’re shitfaced and high at 2am?
8 years ago at 4:03 pmWhite Castle
8 years ago at 8:07 pmIf you could find a chinese place that stayed open late, if not then I’ve never been disappointed with a drunk and/or high gordita crunch wrap from taco bell
8 years ago at 8:35 pmCook-out, the only reason it exists
8 years ago at 11:37 amwhataburger
8 years ago at 12:58 pmMcDonald’s man. Timeless classic.
8 years ago at 1:59 pmAndrewsmomsass deserves death
8 years ago at 5:35 pmFuck your, Dorn. Where the fuck is fail Friday
8 years ago at 8:31 pm