Intramural Player Stands Up For His Beliefs, and America

TFM Intern13 years ago

I’m writing in response to your letter regarding the most recent basketball playoff game. I am obliged to tell you that, in actuality, it is the XX Intramural Sports League that has forfeited the ability and privilege of my presence on any intramural sports team due to egregious actions (and non-actions) by a few select members of your officiating staff. It is unfortunate that such a small group could allow this to precipitate into such a serious situation, but I’m afraid that if you would like to me to participate in any future intramural sports you will have to schedule a meeting with my secretary, XXXXXXX XXXXXXXX, at my convenience. During this meeting, the competence of the Intramural Staff will be discussed, as well as the disturbing fact that XX employs handicapped young adults to officiate basketball games. My absence from your poorly officiated intramural leagues will not be deemed as punishment, until we have discussed this further.

I appreciate the prompt reply and the specific attention you have given to this situation, but I believe you meant to contact my consigliere Mr. XXXXXXXXX listed in the previous email. Nevertheless, I’m inclined to personally respond to this display of self-aggrandizement that you must seldom get the opportunity to abuse.

If this were not the busiest week of the semester, I would inquire into past precedence where a non-violent, verbal technical foul in a C-League basketball game warranted a suspension from the entire Recreation Center. Especially considering that the aforementioned technical foul was called under duress by a young man who may or may not be suffering from Asperger syndrome. Still, I would be disappointed if you mistook my response for resignation, so I had a paralegal of mine research the University Discrimination and Harassment Policies. Regent Law, Article 10 (amended 11/8/2001) states that, “The University does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, age, disability, creed, religion…in admission and access to…educational programs and activities.” The only rational conclusion to why I have been singled out for this petty misdemeanor is that I have been discriminated against on the grounds of national origin, with my only crime being zealous patriotism for the United States of America.

In as such, I stand by my decision to passively abstain from any and every XX intramural sports team, and henceforth refuse to enter, nor step foot onto the property of, the candidly fascist Recreation Center until the Intramural Staff issues a full apology. These colors don’t run, sir. You should be ashamed of yourself.