A Flowchart To Help You Decide When It’s Acceptable To Drink An Abandoned Drink At The Bar
There it sits, alone and helpless. Condensation drips down its side, forming a small puddle of liquid that resembles the combination of an unnamed clear liquor and unnamed clear mixer inside of it. “What kind of savage doesn’t finish their drink?” you ask yourself. Though the lighting is dim, you can make out a busboy eyeing it from across the bar. If you’re going to swoop in and annex that abandoned drink, you must do it soon, and, fortunately, I’ve created a flowchart to help you out in this exact situation.
You’re welcome..
Cover image by John Naffziger. Follow him on Instagram.
Flowchart design by Connor Davis (who helped inspire this piece). Follow him on Instagram.
What is this? A flowchart for ants!?!
9 years ago at 12:19 pmGive it a click, friend-o.
9 years ago at 12:29 pmStill is small as your penis, champ.
9 years ago at 1:12 pmYeah, this required multiple zooms in a new tab
9 years ago at 2:39 pmDo have have a drink? Yes? Drink. No? Go get a drink; return to start.
9 years ago at 12:26 pmLaps? No way! Wasting beer is always NF. All you HSFS need to learn to drink every drop of unattended alcohol you see. Warm can? Finish it. Glass with a sip discolored water? Drink. Bottle with a swishing? Don’t waste that beer. Red solo cup with thick brown liquid and distinct smell? Must be a dark brew, throw it back.
9 years ago at 12:49 pmTry again
9 years ago at 12:52 pmAre you saying it’s bad advice and not proof-read?
9 years ago at 1:50 pmOn second thought, don’t try again. Actually stop trying altogether.
9 years ago at 5:31 pmJust buy a drink you poor.
9 years ago at 12:36 pmMade me chuckle a few times. 7/10
9 years ago at 2:24 pmAre you trying to come out of the closet?
9 years ago at 4:49 pmCorrect answer : Never
9 years ago at 9:33 pm