A Group Of Heroes Are Running Around San Francisco Tipping Over Smart Cars
10 years ago

smartcar

If you live in a more liberally inclined city, such as Austin or, as is the case in this story, San Francisco, it’s likely you’re going to see teensy little wheeled boxes humming around your streets, transporting a not-so-wide variety of people (usually a 30 to 40-something affluent hippie). This “car,” called a Smart Car, which, given its incredible fuel efficiency, seems like an apt name until you see a wreck on the highway in which a seemingly untouched Mazda Miata has ripped through a Smart Car like flaming scissors through tissue paper, leaving the Smart Car’s driver so horrifically mangled that it’s only by assumption that the authorities can even identify the body as human, let alone put a name to the pile of innards and twisted tin foil that now looks more like someone dropped a plate of leftover spaghetti than what remains of a driver and his trusty economical automobile.

TL;DR: Smart Cars are stupid and way too small. They fucking suck, and considering they’re $13,000 motorized coffins, you should just never buy one.

Sometimes it’s comforting to know people agree with you, which is why one group of good citizens in San Francisco deserve a round of applause. This band of vigilante heroes has been roaming the city, flipping over Smart Cars for shits and gigs, presumably America too, though according to NBC Bay Area, the motives aren’t exactly clear.

NBC Bay Area found three of the smart cars between Sunday night and Monday morning: One was found on Anderson Street, and two others were found a bit south on Sweeny Street. They were either sitting on their headlights, rear bumpers high in the air, or vice versa.

Witness Brandon Michael was out having a cigarette about 1 a.m. Monday when he spotted about six to eight suspects wearing hooded sweatshirts flip over the cars.

“They looked like they were up to no good,” he said. “And sure enough, they huddled around it and lifted it up.”

Up to no good? More like serving the greater good. Smart Cars are the worst. I’m all for fuel efficiency and reducing pollution, but why in the hell do all the most popular efficient cars have to look like they were designed and manufactured in some creepily sterile future cloud city? Car companies can’t just make a fuel efficient car that looks like a fucking car? We have to drive around in a bubble? These guys aren’t taking it anymore, and I salute them. Or maybe they just think it’s funny, because it is. Fuck Smart Cars.

smartcar2

[via NBC Bay Area]

  3. TheFlexMaster

    These men are damned American heroes. I expect this movement will start catching on elsewhere soon.

    10 years ago at 11:41 am
  4. A Sarcastic Asshole

    Pfft, smart cars. If they’re so smart, then how come they’re upside down?

    10 years ago at 11:42 am
  6. ZeteNJ

    This is what you get for driving around in a somehow street legal version of the Fisher-Price Little Tikes Cozy Coupe.

    10 years ago at 11:51 am
    2. Nobody

      That’s not even really impressive… You can get a car that allows you to keep your ball bag that gets the same MPG very easily. But fuck MPG, that’s something poor people care about. I’d rather have a nice, comfortable, fast car than a little bitch-mobile.

      10 years ago at 12:50 am
    3. Chik-fil-a Cow

      A lot of motorcycles get MPGs like this, and the 2 vehicles are comparable in safety. The difference is, motorcycles are badass.

      10 years ago at 10:00 pm
  9. BillyQuantrill

    “You don’t know San Francisco, Butters. It was the breeding ground for the hippie movement in the 60’s. There’s hardcore liberals, lesbian activists, and die-hard hippies, both young and old. I swore I would never set foot in San Francisco. God help me.”

    I’ll withhold my gratitude until it’s clear these kids aren’t some Occupy-loving Obamacare enrollees pissed off about the “obscene profits” Daimler reaps from their Smart brand.

    10 years ago at 11:59 am