Bama Linebacker Rashaan Evans Wants To Ride A Live Elephant Into Football Games And We Should Let Him
9 years ago

Alabama linebacker Rashaan Evans is one hell of a smart man. Not only is he one of the best college linebackers in the game right now, but he’s also well aware that there’s not a chance in hell coach Nick Saban will let him ride a live elephant into football games anytime soon. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to try, though.

Evans was meeting with reporters on Tuesday when the topic of live mascots came up. I believe the conversation started in regard to the passing of LSU’s mascot, Mike the Tiger VI (RIP, sweet prince). That’s when a reporter lobbed up a softball of a question, and Evans hit it out of the park. SPORTS!

The best part of this is Evans is joking around about a mascot Olympics (which I’m also 100% for), but when a reporter asks if he wants a live elephant mascot, BOOM, the man is all real talk. Play time is over, bitches.

See, opposing teams are already intimidated enough going into Tuscaloosa — they’re facing one of the greatest football programs of the last decade. Imagine if that team brings out a fucking charging elephant on top of all that.

And yeah, other live mascots are cool too, especially because there’s always that slight chance they’ll escape. Sure, a tiger breaks lose and we might lose some women and children — sacrifices must be made. But can you even fathom if that damn elephant breaks loose?! There aren’t many mascots that can topple an entire football stadium. That’s pure power. That’s Alabama football.

Saban, I suggest you get on the phone with the zoo ASAP.

[via YouTube]

Image via YouTube

    1. ImHereForTheGangbang

      They fired 90% of the staff writers as a cost-cutting measure and are shifting focus to their retail business, which is where they make all of their money anyway.

      TFM as we know it is basically finished. Grandex isn’t a media company that sells clothes on the side, they are a clothing company that publishes media on the side. Important distinction. Going forward the site is going to operate essentially on auto-pilot, farming list-icles out to unpaid or low-paid freelance writers (Bleacher Report-style) and publishing them here to drive click-through Rowdy Gentlemen and the other clothing lines. That’s essentially their business model now. You’re not going to see a lot of longform original content here anymore, just reddit links and shit like that.

      9 years ago at 3:34 pm
      1. ImHereForTheGangbang

        And this whole time I thought Based Dorn died for our sins. Turns out he was just a false messiah. #CurseYouBasedDorn

        9 years ago at 3:35 pm
    1. Larry_Sellers

      He’s a freelancer and therefore cheap, so probably not, unfortunately.

      9 years ago at 9:33 am
      2. SackMaster

        My guess is Siblings moved on by his own decision. Although I have nothing to base that on

        9 years ago at 11:11 am
      3. Mike Donnelly

        Not getting paid is probably a good reason for him to stop providing content. Not that I particularly liked him, but the fact they laid off Duda just a couple weeks after he moved down there is pretty messed up.

        9 years ago at 11:18 am
      4. SackMaster

        Woah didn’t know they got rid of him too. I didn’t like him, complete nerd. But that is a bit shitty. Wickham is ice cold, pretty bad ass. Looking forward to the next DDB podcast

        9 years ago at 12:15 pm
  5. Pong_or_Bong

    This still doesn’t answer our questions about what happened to our favorite writers

    9 years ago at 9:31 am
  6. SigmaNugs311

    You can’t just get rid of half the writers and not tell us what’s going on. Especially when they were some of your best and most liked columnists.

    9 years ago at 9:33 am
    1. 1_Rugey_Jentelman

      Then again… They’re the few that didn’t follow the clickbait format and even recently authored columns akin to the old days of sarcasm and outlandish frat humor.

      9 years ago at 11:06 am