Amish Teens Turn Up To Infinity While Smoking And Drinking On 110 MPH Rumspringa Joy Ride
That’s a busy headline, I realize, but when a group of 16 and 17-year-old little Amish brats pile into a 2001 Dodge Caravan and tear down the highway at 110 MPH while sipping Wild Turkey and burning mad heaters, you just kind of have to deliver those kind of details upfront. Someone had to have added 20 MPH for the story, though, because no way in hell a 2001 Dodge Caravan is touching 110, but I don’t hate the move.
From FOX News:
Troopers said that as they caught up with the speeding vehicle, they observed the teens throwing alcoholic beverages out of the windows.
When the teens pulled over, the troopers smelled a strong odor of alcohol coming from the vehicle.
They searched the minivan and found a large “jug” of whiskey, cases of beer and other bottles of alcoholic beverages.
The 17-year-old driver, who only had a learner’s permit, had been drinking, as had two female passengers, ages 16 and 17, and two 16-year-old boys.
The driver faces charges for reckless driving, a person under 21 operating a vehicle with a blood alcohol concentration level between .02 and .08, minor consumption of alcohol, littering, learner’s permit violation, speeding, and unlawful possession of tobacco.
I wanted so badly for them to have been found sipping lean or with a couple blunts stuffed between the seats and take this story to another level, but it’ll do. And I can have fun with it because everyone was okay, so get off me.
An underrated part of this story is how the authorities had a hard time getting in touch with the kids’ parents after they were brought in, seeing as how they’re Amish and live basically off the grid. No phone. No internet. No beeper. Not shit. They’re never going to read this article, either.
Hey maybe the parents never even find out. Ha. These little shits would have a lifetime of “remember Rumspringa when we got thrown in the clink for breaking like a million laws and our folks never found out?” stories. It’s just funny to think about..
[via FOX News]
Image via Shutterstock
You know not funny to think about because everyone is not ok? The fail Friday’s you owe us
10 years ago at 10:45 pm95 dollars an hour is barely above the poverty level
10 years ago at 9:17 amThese bots are running rampant. Is tech guy passed out drunk at his desk or what?
10 years ago at 9:30 amDoes being Amish suddenly make drunk driving ok?
10 years ago at 10:47 pmDoes it make it funny, Dorn? People fucking die because of drunk driving
10 years ago at 10:48 pmNice save
10 years ago at 11:01 pmA level between .02 and .08 is not drunk driving. It’s a glass of wine with dinner. Cool your horses, guy.
10 years ago at 11:49 pmYea if you’re legal to drink, that’s why it’s a legal limit. Zero tolerance policy on underaged idiots.
10 years ago at 12:00 amLimits. NF.
10 years ago at 12:06 amDriving drunk. NF. Driving being your favorite drinking game. TFM.
10 years ago at 11:59 pmJeremiah and Jethro
10 years ago at 10:54 pmNo its Jacob and Amos.
10 years ago at 5:32 pmLast name Stolzfus, Amish for Smith.
10 years ago at 5:33 pmDorn, you’re the funniest guy I know, making jokes about drunk driving and all…I mean, shit, you could probably have a staring role in a Sandler movie you’re so damn funny.
10 years ago at 10:55 pmHell…you know what? Since you’re such a swell guy, I’ll get your some letters of recommendation together. That way you can move on from Grandex because they aren’t worthy of your brand of humor…and neither are we. It will be a shame to see you go, but I can say I had a hand in taking you to the big time.
10 years ago at 10:58 pmAs Batman said, “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villian.”
Well you are the fucking villian man.
10 years ago at 11:02 pmOh ya and almsot forgot, go suck a fucking dick.
10 years ago at 11:04 pmHe’s a bitch, not a villain.
10 years ago at 11:04 pmAnd a pussy.
10 years ago at 11:06 pmThey should stick to making furniture and magical fire-less fireplaces.
10 years ago at 11:16 pm*insert obligatory, disparaging and non sequitur remark about dorn to fish for upvotes* Am I doing this originality thing right?
10 years ago at 11:35 pmScapegoating. NF
10 years ago at 11:38 pmIts not scapegoating if the person in question truly is the problem. I get tired of all the shit on random articles, but Dorn’s articles (imo) are fair game to shit on him. But maybe Im just a fucking asshole.
10 years ago at 11:44 pmNo, there’s a multitude of problems. The other staff members and intern(s), advertisers, quotas etc. And he isn’t the only one with moderation privileges. But when content disappears, he takes the fall in the court of public opinion. And that’s textbook scapegoating.
10 years ago at 11:50 pmOk, then fuck all of TFM. Actually fuck all of Grandex. If it unfair to blame the majority of problems on Dillon then everyone gets equal blame. I don’t think people would give him so much shit if he wasn’t VP of Media and didn’t champion Sydney who, no matter what anyone says, was a poor addition to the site simply because of the fact that at no other time has this site had an intern with a face connected to them. Bad things were bound to happen. Sydney specifically said that Dillon was the reason for her hire, and personally I think it was a terrible decision. If Dillon was not as vocal on the site about everything that happened, and was not VP of Media, then I wouldn’t hold him to as high of a standard. Just my 2¢. I’m not involved with the company so I can’t be certain on how internal operations run.
Short: Dorn made a poor decision, defended the decision, and I want to call him out on it, because I think it was a dumb idea. He is also is the VP of Media, and with that title (I would assume) he holds above average power, and so, should be held to a higher standard.
10 years ago at 12:11 amTake it for what it’s worth…but at least she gets a column up consistently on time. Hiring her made sense. It was a niche “too-good-for-you girl answers questions and offers subpar advice on a myriad of benign issues.” It drives traffic. And the animosity started with strong being balled over calling grandex out on whoring out her image. but in actuality, he got balled because he openly dared them to do it. The comments were locked because people were launching actual personal attacks like posting mugshots. which is over the line. The only thing that doesn’t make sound sense is balling Frabst over insulting her appearance. but there’s no evidence dorn was even responsible for that.
10 years ago at 12:26 amYeah, because that’s how life works. Sky is blue, Dorn likes kiddies, oxygen is life, Dorn deletes content. Read a fucking book once in a while.
10 years ago at 12:15 amNot really sure what you’re trying to accomplish with this SJW agenda you’ve got flowing.
10 years ago at 12:19 amYinz guys are the SJW’s in this situation. Not in the sense that you’re fighting for justice, but in the sense that your blind indignation means you refuse to hear a dissenting opinion. Even when said opinion is rooted in facts.
10 years ago at 12:30 am“God dammit 144, why do you make so much sense? I don’t like it. Its different from what everyone told me to believe.”
10 years ago at 12:37 amShut the fuck up Fat Albert (couldnt take myself seriously while typing that) but seriously shut up. Giving your opinion isn’t being a SJW, even if it is a dissenting one. Being a sjw is shutting out the opinions of others, and while agemo might have a differing opinion, he seems like a smart dude and should still hear him out on his argument to better formulate your argument in response. Thats debate 101 right there. But don’t be a pussy that hurls out insults at someone because you don’t agree. Thats just pussy shit.
10 years ago at 12:37 amNobody fucking cares. Jesus.
10 years ago at 12:51 amYou shut your fucking mouth when you’re talking to me.
10 years ago at 12:54 amCalling some one out on insults while hurling personal insults. Tdebate M.
10 years ago at 5:37 pmHey! Leave goats out of this debacle.
10 years ago at 12:03 amBetter they’re here than anywhere in the middle east.
10 years ago at 12:10 amJustifying relatively bad behavior because everyone is okay. TFM. Justifying defending a shitty Interns lackluster humor skills. TDornTheTyrantM.
10 years ago at 11:54 pmRather than throwing away good liquor the driver should have turned this into a slow pursuit to give the passengers a chance to polish off the rest of the booze. That’d be a TFM.
10 years ago at 11:58 pmSlow speed pursuit. TOJM.
10 years ago at 12:43 amToo bad Kardashian can’t represent them. Then they could have a real Rumspringa with one of his daughters.
10 years ago at 5:30 pmHuh.
10 years ago at 12:15 amCouldn’t have been Amish they don’t have cars dumbass. Mennonite maybe. Either way poor guy, he was just trying to creep some Midwestern back roads while his buddies finally got some from those prudes in the back seat.
10 years ago at 12:38 amGo google rumspringa
10 years ago at 8:34 am