Andrew Luck Is Still The Weirdest Player In The NFL, Just Got A New Flip Phone
Colts quarterback Andrew Luck made waves in the tech industry as the new (admittedly goofy) face of AT&T’s flip phone resurgence. In a picture the former rookie sensation sent out on Facebook earlier today, Luck thanked the third string telecommunications company for hooking him up with a new phone. In doing so, he’s setting himself down a dark path towards becoming the biggest hipster in professional football.
The combination of his doofus-like face, low-quality neck beard, and that godawful relic of a phone just makes me want to vomit. If you said three years ago that Andrew Luck, highly touted as the next Peyton Manning, would be throwing it back to the Nokia 6131 generation, I’d have thrown some hands your way. This guy seemed like a genuine man’s man at QB who was willing to shake a defender’s hand after a big hit. Now, he’s a fedora away from suggesting a few songs from the Black Veil Brides at the nearest Indiana coffee house.
Luck, who notably majored in fucking architecture at fucking Stanford, is adding himself to the hipster elite with this endorsement. Don’t get me wrong, I’d wear a bullseye t-shirt in a Cincinnati Zoo gorilla exhibit for a check from the folks at AT&T, but I’m not a borderline elite NFL passer with a heart of gold. Capitalism is cool, but just because you look like a slow kid doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
Luck has gone from a stupid-faced boy forged under the lights in Texas to a stupid faced pseudo-man that is willing to embrace the longboarding nerds in California. Get on your boy, Pagano, and stop letting him make the Midwest look like a bunch of retro-obsessed sissies. If you don’t, JJ and the Texans are going to be squashing him like an avocado while he wonders which vest goes best with his jersey..
Also the ugliest in the game
8 years ago at 5:15 pmLegitimately looks like a leprechaun
8 years ago at 5:15 pmI always felt like he looked like a badger
8 years ago at 6:09 pmGoober doing goober things
8 years ago at 5:21 pmSays the Kike
8 years ago at 6:13 pmYou know I heard drinking a gallon of motor oil before bed helps you sleep better. How about you try it out Squanto?
8 years ago at 7:04 pmyou have to go first because you have the sickest name bro
8 years ago at 8:11 pmI have a feeling you get your ass beat a lot…in more ways than one.
8 years ago at 8:23 pmnice, unnecessary “…”, puss
8 years ago at 8:30 pmHow about you sit this one out chief. Don’t want your feelings to get hurt.
8 years ago at 10:59 pmYou’re all pussies
8 years ago at 12:10 amI’ll still beat your sorry ass
8 years ago at 12:31 amSwing and a miss
8 years ago at 7:18 amYour life is a swing and a miss
8 years ago at 12:23 pmThat was the most cringiest fucking shit I’ve read in a while
8 years ago at 2:57 pmYour mom know you’re up this late squirt?
8 years ago at 3:33 pmI get it! It’s like The Terminator except with vagina! You must pull soooooo much tang
8 years ago at 1:58 amHey, Sherman pulled Nadia
8 years ago at 12:04 pmIt could work
Dude you are such a fucking goober
8 years ago at 9:11 pmNeckbeard AF
8 years ago at 5:28 pmShot article Karl
8 years ago at 5:29 pmFuck Andrew Luck, go Texans
8 years ago at 7:33 pmWhat do expect he’s a caveman of course he’s going to have a flip phone
8 years ago at 9:27 pmIt’s a phone and screen protector in one simple package!
8 years ago at 12:34 amI miss the feeling of being able to agrily shut the flip phone to cut someone off. You simply don’t get the therapeutic feeling with an angry swipe to end the conversation.
8 years ago at 8:27 am