Apple Says They Have The “Courage” To Ditch The Headphone Jack On New iPhone, Are Incredibly Brave

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True acts of bravery stand the test of time. We’ll always remember the young men in uniform who stormed the beaches of Normandy under hellacious gun fire, risking life and limb for this great country, or the heroes that first responded to the terrorist attacks on 9/11 in order to save fellow Americans. We’ll never forget the actions taken by Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela for the progress of the civil right movement across the globe.

And now, we’ll forever recognize Tim Cook and Apple Inc. as perhaps the most courageous individuals in the history of mankind.

William Faulkner once said “You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore,” and by getting rid of cords and trying to stay afloat by making consumers purchase Apple made wireless headphones, Tim Cook certainly has hit open ocean.

No other $624B company seems to want to bear that cross. Tim Cook is essentially the Jesus of the Tech world. He’ll die on that hill if it means people continue to finance his doctrine on blind faith and drop some dough on a few pairs of AirPods. Praise be to Apple.

But seriously, this sounds like something straight out of a Gavin Belsen speech on “Silicon Valley.”

Easily the most accurate show on TV.

Image via Youtube

    1. Dan Regester

      If you don’t have an iPhone, you’re a green text leper to your chapter.

      4 years ago at 3:15 pm
      1. The User Formerly Known as Frabst

        Keep lifting those weights, Danny. Your parents still think you’re a fucking disappointment no matter how much you can bench.

        4 years ago at 3:18 pm
  1. BobMotherFuckingBarker

    Can’t wait to drop 75 dollars on a new bud when one falls off on the train, thanks apple

    4 years ago at 3:19 pm
    1. TaylorSwiftsPubeGroomer

      Who rides a fucking train other than homeless people and blacks

      4 years ago at 6:43 pm
  2. AndrewsMomsAss

    I hope they float because they will be in the toilet more often than Andrew’s head was in middle school!

    4 years ago at 3:20 pm
  3. CrookedHalo

    great, one more component that will constantly be running out of battery charge.
    relying on batteries to get the job done – TSM

    4 years ago at 4:19 pm
  4. Robbybil

    It’s not courage it’s knowing there are millions of dipshits that will buy your product matter no matter what you do.

    4 years ago at 7:52 pm
  5. pcody

    As a Sailor serving this country I find it real petty to compare D-day to a new phone w/o a jack. Bravery is storming the beaches of Normandy. That is not comparable to some trendy new invention. 9,000 troops that died on D-day wouldn’t be pleased to read your article

    4 years ago at 9:05 pm
    1. Henry_Eighth

      Actually, the 9000 men who died on D-Day would probably be pretty happy to read this article because it would mean they aren’t dead.

      4 years ago at 1:17 am
  6. GoonerHimself

    The fuck do people mean by “dropping their headphones?” No one said they were going to be wireless.

    4 years ago at 9:38 pm