One Hilarious Police Report From An Arizona State Student Arrested For Public Urination

We Received The Greatest University Police Report In The History Of Police Reports

So we get a lot of terrible, terrible crap in our inboxes. Seriously, it’s a regular occurrence for someone to send in a news tip about their poo. Sometimes we find a little diamond in the rough, like when Jared discovered the teacher who has “High School Frat Stars” in his class. Well today, an absurd police report hit our desks from Arizona State University.

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Just gold. There’s so much going on here that I don’t even know where to start. From the public urination to handing the cop a $10 bill thinking it’s your license to shouting obscenities at anyone and everyone that comes in contact with you. How would you like to be that woman in Pennsylvania answering a phone call at 3:30 a.m?

Just a classic case of when the lights are on, but nobody is home.

  1. MikeHunt355

    This sounds like a typical Friday night in any college town, still trying to find the funny stuff in it

    8 years ago at 3:49 pm
    1. thadcastle2

      Adderall helped me read all of it. It wasn’t that “hilarious” and all he did was repeatedly swear at people and be a douche.

      8 years ago at 4:33 pm
  2. SteveHoltOnDrugs

    I wish they had removed the cuffs, let him try to kick the cop’s ass, then beat the living crap out of him.

    8 years ago at 3:58 pm
  3. BloodyBunghole

    “…iPhone booked into ‘evidence’ = “Cops took your phone ’cause they can… HA HA MOFO!”

    8 years ago at 4:00 pm
  4. Frattmobile

    Yes, that $10 is my driver’s license. Last name, Hamilton. Don’t you see the resemblance?

    8 years ago at 4:11 pm
  5. mittsthetits16

    I’m impressed that after all of that the cop still tried to let him off the hook. First refuses to call a friend then tells the cab driver off. Kid deserves to be arrested.

    8 years ago at 4:31 pm
  6. Frock_Lesnar

    That officer must have the patience of a monk. If some shitty kid told me, another cop and fireman to fuck off and was too drunk to get in a cab there’s no way I’d still be trying to help him get a hold of someone to take him home.

    8 years ago at 4:33 pm
  7. Prince Wiliam

    Pretty sure if it’s 330 am in Arizona it’s 630 am in Pennsylvania Harrison. Nice try though

    8 years ago at 6:49 pm
      1. Deadlift27

        If this was before daylight savings it would only be 2 hours. Arizona doesn’t do daylight savings.

        8 years ago at 9:13 pm