Ask The Intern

Over the last couple days I prompted the followers of @TFMintern on twitter to participate in an activity called “Ask The Intern.” These are my answers to the questions I felt merited a response:

“Are you a GDI?”

Very funny. No. For obvious reasons concerning nationals and the security of my family I cannot expand upon this answer. I don’t want angry Fail Friday legends like Thumb Man tracking me down.

“How did you get your internship?”

I shook the right hands, and did blow with the right people.

“Do you get paid?”

As Randy Moss once said, Straight cash homey.” But when an NF post appears on the TFM wall I’m forced to spend 6 hours moderating TSM submissions.

To answer your question seriously, yes.

“What is the screening process for TFMs?”

TFM submissions are compiled in a database. A team of interns (all comedic geniuses), including myself, sifts through the madness and posts TFMs, hoping that even the most hate-filled troll feels compelled to press “Nice Move.” I wish the screening process involved a complex formula with multiple variables that determined whether or not a post is F or NF. Maybe then I could sleep at night.

“Are you a dude? How do you decide which pictures to disable comments on?”

No self-respecting female could read through the horrific drunken gibberish that is submitted in the form of TFMs. As far as pictures go, if the submitter requests we disable comments, we disable comments. Additionally, if we feel that too many trolls might want to “pee in her butt” we disable comments. So, ladies, submit more pictures of your beautiful selves engaging in TFM-worthy activities and simply note “disable comments” if you’d prefer it.

“Which sorority do you personally like best?”

Just like with fraternities, the quality of a sorority tends to vary from school to school. (Translation: I’m not going to play favorites and answer a question that’s going to negatively affect my sandwich consumption)

“Down to shack? :)”

No, because of that smiley face.

I have one question I want to ask the intern…can I shack?”

Sure you can, sweetheart. This goes for every girl that asked, except smiley. If I ever hit a dry spell I’m riding the twitter-shacker wave to glory.

“What’s the best and worst idea you’ve heard in a Greek house? If they were one in the same I wouldn’t be surprised.”

This is simply impossible to answer. Who hasn’t heard arson, embezzlement, murder, armed-robbery, erotic asphyxiation, etc. suggested in their house?

“Is it better to land 2 sixes or 1 nine?”

Right now I’m relatively sober so I’d go with the 1 nine. In a few hours I might take the 2 sixes. You meant at the same time, right?

Why does TFM promote our poor stereotypes within the Greek community?

Obviously there are people who can’t distinguish between the extremely sarcastic and exaggerated jokes on this site and the serious material. These people have far bigger issues than worrying about the “poor stereotypes” perpetuated by an entertainment website.

Every member of each fraternity/sorority is responsible for upholding his or her values on a personal level.

“What are your next steps after the internship?”

Law school, so I can sue myself for writing this column.

*The views expressed in this column reflect only those of the intern. He is a highly sarcastic and disturbed individual.

    1. Davy Crockett

      I may be going out on a limb here, but I think it would be cool if the TFM Intern turned this into a weekly column.

      13 years ago at 4:14 pm
    2. brostock

      The whole time I read this I could think only one thing: if only there were some way for the intern to do another column, just like this, but with new questions and new answers. Perhaps once a week? Just a thought.

      13 years ago at 6:54 pm
    3. I plead the frat

      Every week, we should come back to this Applebees and have a family meal. Also, each week the TFM intern could make this column, only with new questions.

      13 years ago at 7:02 pm
    4. Mighty Bro Young

      While you guys were all discussing politics and world hunger and what not, all I could focus my mind on was the possibility of this column being a weekly thing. Like once a week with new questions and answers? The thought of it is just mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?

      13 years ago at 8:33 pm
    5. Brose Cuervo

      Motion to make this a weekly column. What do you guys think? Can I get a second? Maybe even a third?

      13 years ago at 7:15 am
    6. Sexpert

      What if this came out once every seven days, like a on a weekly basis, crazy shit right?

      13 years ago at 2:29 pm
    1. Oprah Is A Dyke

      Oh shit. I swore it was up there like a week ago when they made a promotional column about them.

      13 years ago at 6:14 pm
    1. DamnGladtoMeetYou

      If she was topless and chugging a beer, maybe. But no, this is what I get for doing research on AL’s Immigration Bill = an ad program that believes I support immigrant rights, hence I must be a fucking liberal

      13 years ago at 2:54 pm
    2. Frat up or shut up

      No, cause I got slammed with some bullshit Obama ad, and all I do is look at right wing shit all day.

      13 years ago at 2:54 pm
    3. Rooski1586

      It’s a paid advertisement. Zuckerburg, I don’t know about everyone else, but I don’t use that Google adsense shit. Does that come with Google Chrome? The point is, it’s not based on your interests.

      13 years ago at 3:26 pm
    4. Admin

      If you use Google to search for things than you “use” Adsense. Adsense is how Google makes money.

      13 years ago at 7:54 pm
  1. ShooterMcGavin

    I guess that’s why he can’t give his favorite sorority because he doesn’t know of any sororities. Galaxy sounds like some sort of video game club.

    13 years ago at 2:44 pm
  2. ShooterMcGavin

    Randall, stop removing everyone’s comments. Its no secret who you are and what social club you are a part of. Stop being so fat.

    13 years ago at 2:46 pm
  3. FratAss22

    The unbelievably condescending tone in which the TFM intern writes his columns. TFM

    13 years ago at 2:50 pm
    1. the nelson

      Its a moderation thing. For the seniors on the site you’d recall that got shut down for too many racist comments, then kids started posting pics slamming etc.. if its not moderated it will be taken away. Let’s face we don’t have self control.

      13 years ago at 3:29 pm
    2. charlie_day

      I agree, but the TFM Intern is deleting comments about him going to Abilene Christian University and being a GDI. That’s not moderation.

      13 years ago at 3:37 pm
    3. ShooterMcGavin

      My comments were not racist, they were making fun of the intern for being fat and in a social club

      13 years ago at 4:10 pm
    4. ShooterMcGavin

      Intern is clearly self conscious for being so fat because that is the only thing my comments have made reference to

      13 years ago at 4:11 pm
    5. charlie_day

      I’ve had about 4 comments deleted so far, all about the intern being from Abilene Christian University.

      13 years ago at 8:13 am
    6. Sweetheartofthesouth

      I’m going to guess the intern doesn’t want that information out on the internet, stop being an ass.

      13 years ago at 7:39 pm