Ask The Intern: Clearing the Air

I’m going to start this week’s column by addressing some things I have fought the urge to acknowledge for quite some time now. Since the launch of there have been wild rumors, baseless accusations, and fervent arguments spawned in regard to the sites founders, owners, admins, and interns. In fact, I still remember a day when I had no idea who ran this website, and I took part in questioning the mystery. For the most part we have embraced these theories and found them to be very entertaining. You could even say it has been an unwritten policy to ignore unsubstantiated claims and gossip. However, it has recently become clear that some obsessively angry individuals are attempting to defame the TFM staff by committing libel with the intention of dislodging our credibility. I will not stand idly by and let some muckraker sully my reputation, or that of my employers.

To say that a website which was fashioned with the intention of entertaining and connecting members of the Greek community was started by GDIs, without any evidence or proof of such, is utterly moronic. The founders and owners of are alumni of an esteemed national fraternity that has been in existence for nearly a century-and-a-half. I know this not only because I have worked with these men for months, but also because I am fortunate enough to call them my brothers.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Welcome to the seventh edition of “Ask The Intern.” At the beginning of each week I prompt the followers of @TFMintern on twitter to participate by asking me questions of an unrestricted nature. Inquiries can also be emailed to These are my answers to the questions I felt merited a response:

“Ideally, what will your Halloween slampiece be dressed up as?”

I’m a big fan of the overly sexual hot cop costume. Something about the combination of sluttiness, handcuffs, and my general dislike for law enforcement makes me want to use my white nightstick.

“What do you think of the Hank Williams Jr. comments on Fox and Friends yesterday?”

Hank Williams Jr. is obviously an outspoken individual, and his unique expression of personal opinion on national television was hilarious. That being said, he definitely crossed a line that I tend to avoid. It’s one thing to speak critically of our President, and as a republican I find myself doing this relatively often. However, personally I find it unpatriotic to make a comparison between the leader of the free world and Hitler.

“Is there any way to be taken off the blackball list for a failed drunk TFM post?”

Good God man, what did you do? Send me an email at and I’ll assess the situation.

“Why the FUCK was that GDI Ron Jeremy interviewed? No one wants to see a pill bug with a mustache fuck, anyway.”

I’m pretty sure it was just one of those situations you can’t pass up. I have to admit I found the interview to be the bad kind of weird, but the hysterical comments it generated made it all worthwhile.

“Why is it that weed is for geeds, yet cocaine seems to be more accepted in the frat community?”

Stoners tend to be lazy jackasses that you have to prod just to pay their dues. Blow is definitely more of a party drug. Nobody does a line and stands in the corner staring at their own composite picture zoned out for a half hour during a rager.

“How would you haze these hippies protesting Wall Street?”

I’d probably walk around the crowd with a sack of hundreds, lighting them on fire individually and laughing like Dr. Evil.

“One year supply of Johnnie Walker Blue (as much as you can drink) or a golf lesson and a handjob from Sophie Horn?”

I’d definitely go with the year of unlimited Johnnie Blue. Taking a golf lesson from a woman, regardless of attractiveness, would be emasculating. Anyway, her man hands would probably grip my shaft too tightly.

“Mighty Ducks 1, 2, or 3?”

D2: The Mighty Ducks. Fuck Iceland.

*The views expressed in this column reflect only those of the intern. He is a highly sarcastic and disturbed individual.

    1. MrConstantine

      Sigma Chi is over 150, so is Beta DKE Phi Delt, SAE. That being said they’re KA’s

      13 years ago at 2:18 pm
    2. toss me a bronson

      I think it would be hysterical if the founders of the website that lets everyone rip on Pike on a regular basis were Pikes themselves

      13 years ago at 3:15 pm
    3. Frat Dillon

      The two of them attended Texas State. One of them was a Psychology major. The other one was a Ginger.

      13 years ago at 3:24 pm
    4. Frat Dillon

      Texas Tux I provided a link to a website proving my statement but it was deleted. If you look around on twitter/google you can find the link I provided

      13 years ago at 3:40 pm
    5. Fratelist Bro V1

      The office is in Austin, so that would lead me to believe they went to UT. Now figure out which fraternities at UT have been around ~150 years.

      13 years ago at 8:27 pm
    6. Fratersby

      Let em’ stay bottled up. They’ve covered their ass pretty well…Grandex, TFM, Whiny Liberal, everything offers no clue to their identity more revealing than support@(site).com.

      13 years ago at 10:36 pm
  1. Bob Barker is my bro

    Replace Sophie Horn with Natalie Gulbis and sign me up for that golf lesson and old fashioned

    13 years ago at 1:54 pm
    1. Tom Petty Jr

      No, no, no.. you have it all mixed up. The column comes once every half fortnight.

      13 years ago at 3:08 pm
    2. I plead the frat

      Clear air should be administered about twelve times every fourth of a year, with each clearing of the air separated by 7 days.

      13 years ago at 6:34 pm
  2. Southern living

    I may or may have not read a similar column like this one exactly 7 days ago.

    13 years ago at 1:56 pm
    1. PTG Beauregard

      Sexy teacher. But not the public school kind. Like, the kind of sexy female teacher you’d find in a Catholic school. You know, a nun. An old, wrinkly nun. With a ruler. Wait, what?

      13 years ago at 8:39 pm
    1. Brogarty

      And this guy who was on the phone, turns around and tips his hat like this.
      And who do you think it was?

      13 years ago at 2:27 pm
    2. Fraternity Lifestyle

      Of course you were. You were the one who yelled the Breakfast Clubber’s name.

      13 years ago at 4:52 pm
  3. TheGeed

    “I’d probably walk around the crowd with a sack of hundreds, lighting them on fire individually and laughing like Dr. Evil.”

    That was classic! lol

    13 years ago at 2:03 pm
    1. Success

      If your stupid goddamn name didn’t, I think that inane question just answered itself.

      13 years ago at 2:20 pm
    2. TheGeed

      Actually, I’ve always wanted to join a fraternity. I just felt like it was a little too late(im a sophmore), I’m paying for college myself(I go to UT) and I didn’t have the balls to go rush. If my situation was any different, I would have loved to take a part of it. The lifestyle and opportunities seem really bad ass, to be honest.

      13 years ago at 2:55 pm
    3. BROnard Ramsey

      And I thought the piker was bad. This troll is a horse of a different color gentleman.

      13 years ago at 2:58 pm
    4. runninginthewetgrass

      “TheGeed” it’s not really that late, all kidding aside. You can still go through rush. You still have time to get those benefits. And, if you are able to join a nice Fraternity then you gain a lifetime of brothers, and connections. at least go through rush, and see if anyone will give you a bid. you will regret not trying for the rest of your life.

      13 years ago at 3:18 pm
    5. shooter

      @runninginthewetgrass, that was the most civil reply I have ever seen a GDI/possible troll receive on this website.

      13 years ago at 3:42 pm
    6. SouthernByGodsGrace

      TheGeed, it’s not about having the balls to do it, it’s about the confidence. Assuming that you aren’t a troll, if you really have the guts to admit what you admitted in your comments then you should have the confidence to approach a house full of 100 men or so and get to know them during the next rush week.

      It’ll be the best investment you ever made if you do it. There isn’t one person on this earth that regretted going Greek, but many GDIs regretted not doing it. Please don’t troll this site though, there is truly no need for it.

      13 years ago at 9:15 pm
    7. MightBePike

      I think civility may be the troll’s greatest weakness. They want us to get pissed. And this is a play for fraternity GENTLEMEN to have a good laugh and stay in touch with the overall greek community.

      13 years ago at 10:45 pm