Ask The TFM Intern

Welcome to the ninth edition of “Ask The Intern.” At the beginning of each week I prompt the followers of @TFMintern on twitter to participate by asking me questions of an unrestricted nature. Inquiries can also be emailed to These are my answers to the questions I felt merited a response:

“How long does it take (on average) for a girl to realize you’re peeing in her butt?”

Those unfamiliar with the reason for this question need only check the Comments section of any photo on TFM featuring a female. For reasons beyond my understanding it has become an internet troll tradition to rate a female’s desirability based on whether or not they would pee in her butt. “I’d pee in her butt” is a stamp of approval, expressing the viewer’s satisfaction with the physical attractiveness of the female on display. “I would not pee in her butt” is a statement of disapproval. That being said, I have never attempted nor felt the need to attempt to literally take part in butt peeing, so I have no idea how to answer this question.

“Sleep with Rosie O’Donnell for 3 straight nights or spend 3 days in jail?”

Honestly, and I’m not saying this for laughs, I’d rather spend three days in jail. Rosie O’Donnell continues to climb the list of Top 10 Most Annoying People in the World. Even during some of the funnier scenes on Curb Your Enthusiasm in which she was featured I wanted to choke myself. And I’m not talking autoerotic asphyxiation. She is incredibly unlikeable. I’d rather spend 72-hours with jailhouse riffraff. At least there’d be a chance for interesting conversation.

“Is it weird if I enter the pool with my penis pointed down in my speedo and up when I come out of the pool? Is it weird or do you guys do it too?”

I’d say it depends on the speed and angle you enter the pool. Is there a high dive involved? Insurance rates have made them nearly extinct. Maybe you have an unusually lightweight penis that lacks adequate density and this causes flippage when you are submerged.

“When are the TFM koozies going to be available or for sale to the public?”

Soon. Until then you’ll need to follow me on twitter to participate in contests for the chance to own one.

“This is a really unladylike question, but I have seen some debate lately. Bare, strip, trimmed, other? I wax it all off but witnessed an exchange with some guys saying it creeps them out. So, as the arbiter of taste for my target demographic, what is your preference?”

Most men prefer you have your pubic hair monogrammed. If you think this is unreasonable, then wax it and be proud like the American Bald Eagle.

“I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definite way that I can tell?”

Yes, there’s a definite way. If you catch him having sex with a guy, he’s gay.

“What are your thoughts on those GDIs who live similar lifestyles to those in fraternities and sororities?”

American astronauts during the early-60s, fictional television and movie stars, and British rock stars over 60 years old are the only people who have ever lived lifestyles comparable to ours. Everybody knows that. My thoughts are: good for them.

*The views expressed in this column reflect only those of the intern. He is a highly sarcastic and disturbed individual.

  1. Haze Em

    Here’s a question for the Intern since I’m too lazy to log into my email account or create a twitter: What’s the funniest/most outrageous question you’ve been asked that you didn’t want to answer?

    13 years ago at 12:47 pm
  2. high kapp

    I would say the looseness of the butt being peed in and the velocity of the pee are key factors in determining how long it will take her to notice the butt pee. It’s really a tough call.

    13 years ago at 12:49 pm
    1. Bropenhagen

      These factors also include, but are not limited to: the height and weight of the girl receiving the pee, the amount of pee said butt has previously received, the approximate BAC of the girl in question, and relative temperatures of both the butt and the pee. In all it’s a very complex equation, so there is no “right answer.”

      13 years ago at 12:59 pm
    2. Pharaoh of Frats

      She can’t know you’re peeing in her butt if she’s dead. Think about it.

      13 years ago at 1:03 pm
    3. Sour_Frat_Kid

      C’mon guys, don’t forget temperature of pee, density, and radius of said butthole.

      13 years ago at 1:23 pm
    4. BroBro69

      Radius can determine the circumference so it will suffice. Circumference was the better choice though.

      13 years ago at 2:59 pm
    5. Teddy__Brosevelt

      Time =
      [ (Dick Mass) (Asshole Circumference) (Piss Temperature) ] /
      [ (Urine Density) (Piss Velocity) (Cock Length) (Depth of Penetration) (Cock Circumference) (Asshole Temperature) ]

      13 years ago at 6:01 pm
    1. James Parks Fratwell

      ^ Thank you. Cupid, you have asked this question every week. What’s the deal? And GQ McGee go fuck yourself for plagiarizing a comment I posted weeks ago.

      13 years ago at 2:34 pm
    2. GQ McGee

      That comment has been reposted quite a few times, big guy. I’m not the first nor will I be the last.

      The internet: serious business.

      13 years ago at 6:05 am
    3. James Parks Fratwell

      ^ True. I definitely was the first, though. The plagiarizing of my comment has gone to far. It’s no longer funny. Originality. TFM

      13 years ago at 1:50 pm
    1. Natty_Slammer

      Doesn’t it hurt when you have to cut off your pee to go from one butt to the other? or do you just get some on the floor?

      13 years ago at 9:02 pm
  3. Merlyn

    For those of you who are considering watching that clip of Rosie O’Donnell, don’t. Just go ahead and take his word for it.

    13 years ago at 1:05 pm
    1. No Knee Grows

      Believe me, under no circumstances would I ever consider watching a clip of Rosie O’Donnell doing or saying anything.

      13 years ago at 1:19 pm
    2. Merlyn

      I wished I had thought it through before i pressed play. I kept thinking during the whole clip, maybe something entertaining will happen.

      13 years ago at 1:31 pm
  4. cannonball

    10 years ago I used the phrase “I’d pee in her butt.” how in the Hell has this become an internet meme? can I lay claim to it with 3 references and a signed affidavit from a notary public?

    13 years ago at 1:08 pm
  5. Giantboner

    The human penis is a natures lifejacket. If you have every gone skinny dipping, you would know this

    13 years ago at 1:23 pm
    1. 1844_The_Win

      How has no one mentioned the fact that this asshole was wearing a speedo? I get the whole 5 inch in-seem thing but I feel like speedos take that a bit far.

      13 years ago at 3:07 pm
    2. toss me a bronson

      people who wear speedos fall into one of 3 categories, queers, foreigners, and Olympic swimmers. If you are a speedo wearer and are unsure which category you fit in, you get defaulted to queer. End of discussion.

      13 years ago at 3:17 pm
    3. Brofessor15

      ^ I almost see what you did there. Are you implying that foreigners or Olympic swimmers are queers?

      13 years ago at 3:51 pm
    4. 1844_The_Win

      The only time I will give a foreigner a pass is if they are in the Olympics competing for their country which is admirable. Also Olympic swimmers don’t really wear speedos anymore anyway so this conversation is irrelevant.

      13 years ago at 4:22 pm
    5. 1844_The_Win

      Parts of it can be. Parts of Arlington are pretty ghetto though. I am from Falls Church so I can’t really talk but McLean, Great Falls and Parts of Vienna are FaF. Georgetown obviously puts all of those to shame though.

      13 years ago at 7:42 am
    6. Tappa Kegga

      Nachos and lemonheads on my dad’s boat, you wont go down CUZ MY DICK CAN FLOAT

      13 years ago at 2:26 pm