Beer Pong Team Chemistry Says A Lot About A Relationship

Buzzy Robinson6 years ago

Big Sean once said, “I realize when it comes to girls, that chemistry means way more than anatomy.” Amen to that shit, brother. I could not agree more. If you and your lady friend, or man friend, or whomever you’re currently getting physical with aren’t compatible on an interpersonal level, you may as well call up Kenny Loggins because that is a one-way ticket straight into the danger zone.

I’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy the romantic company of a number of outstanding young women in my time as an undergraduate. I realize that this may sound like a joke, but I assure you that I am deadly fucking serious when I say that playing beer pong with my lady friends has been one of my most reliable litmus tests for gauging whether or not we are going to be compatible as a couple.

Freshman year, I dated a sultry hard-body brunette who we will refer to as Ole Faithful. Ole Faith and I had a great two week run immediately following freshman orientation. Mostly because we rarely spoke. We were like two 18-year-old peas in a twin mattress shaped pod. However, it didn’t take long to realize that we could not have been less socially compatible as humans. Meaning, O.F. was certifiably, bat shit, run for the fucking hills, tie you to the bed and set it on fire, crazy. Who knew?

My first glimpse into her Russell Crowe style beautiful mind came, you guessed it, during a game of beer pong. It was at a Wednesday night pregame at my friend’s fraternity house. Ole Faithful and I were pong partners, and we were getting smacked. It happens. We must have been down by four or five cups.

At first, I started to notice O.F. getting less and less into the game. She seemed dejected, distracted, and then just annoyed. Then, she became downright contemptuous. She checked her phone constantly and when it was her turn, she simply threw the ball at the cups trying to knock them over (psycho move). It was at that moment that I realized that our relationship would not last. And, wouldn’t you know it, I was right.

So, to help you gauge what sort of team chemistry you and your significant other have as a couple, I have detailed a number of scenarios in the context of beer pong that I believe will help you gain a better sense of your dynamic as compatible competitors.

Scenario #1:

She’s not playing great but seems to be enjoying herself. She’s encouraging towards you as a teammate, and is gracious in both victory and defeat. Chances are this chick will be an awesome girlfriend. Even if she’s missing the cups entirely and leaning egregiously over the table, as long as she’s having fun and not being a sore loser, she’s a keeper.

Scenario #2:

She’s having a good game, abiding by rules and hitting her share of cups. However, she’s super competitive, intense, and loud. You’ll just have to ask yourself if this is a vibe that you’re ready to deal with long-term. If you are a super competitive and intense person yourself, then this might be your soul-mate. Who knows.

Scenario #3:

She’s sneaky filthy at beer pong. Hits a shit ton of cups and has flawless form. She knows when to finesse an arc shot, and when to sting a line drive, and when to call for re-racks. She knows every rule in the book and yet defers to the house for clarification. She stays humble, positive, and encouraging. You marry that girl as soon as physically possible, young man.

Scenario #4:

She’s totally indifferent to the game. She keeps checking her phone and when it’s her turn to shoot, she just absentmindedly flings the ball in the direction of the other team’s cups. She chastises you for missing and remains neutral when the opposing team chirps you for sucking. Please do yourself a favor and distance yourself from this person ASAP. Because she sucks.

There are countless ways to tell whether or not a person will be a good fit for you as a romantic partner. This is just one that I’ve found to be pretty accurately indicative of a person’s character. I like playing pong, so, if a girl cares about me, then she will at least pretend to like pong, as well. Similarly, if I care about a lady friend, I’ll pretend to be into the stuff that she’s passionate about. Relationships are about give and take, chemistry, and a solid team dynamic. If a girl is a fun pong partner, she’ll be a good girlfriend. Simple as that..