These Are The Best Colleges In The Nation For Learning And Stuff, According To U.S. News & World Report

Alex Buscemi10 years ago

U.S. News & World Report just rolled out their annual list of the best colleges in the nation (not for partying). The rankings were based on each university’s class size, student to faculty ratio, and opinions from education experts. But the biggest factor? Graduation and retention rate. The results look a lot like they have in the past.

A lot of people consider this list to be a definitive authority on overall university prowess, but some are skeptical. The Atlantic definitely isn’t buying it. Every year, they release an article at the same time as the U.S. News ranking titled, “Your Annual Reminder to Ignore the U.S. News & World Report College Rankings.” According to them, a lot of these schools cheat their way to the top of the list. That’s how many people care about it. Universities will do things like accept more applicants only to turn more away in order to enhance the illusion of exclusivity. Some even send U.S. News & World Report false SAT scores.

In other words, the schools on this list know how to play the system, which means that they are absolutely the best in the nation. Think about it. Do you want some pussy who plays by the rules to prep you for the real world? Or do you want an academic sheister who knows how to pull some strings to get to the top? You’ll be in fantastic hands at any of these universities (minus the 10 universities in the second list — just ignore those shit holes entirely).

Top 10 National Universities:

1. Princeton University

2. Harvard University

3. University of Chicago (tie)

3. Yale University (tie)

5. Columbia University (tie)

5. Stanford University (tie)

7. Massachusetts Institute of Technology

8. Duke University (tie)

8. University of Pennsylvania (tie)

10. Johns Hopkins University

Top 10 National Liberal Arts Colleges:

1. Williams College (boners)

2. Amherst College (boners)

3. Wellesley College (boners)

4. Middlebury College (tie) (also tremendous boners)

4. Swarthmore College (tie) (boners)

6. Bowdoin College (boners)

7. Carleton College (tie) (boners)

7. Pomona College (tie) (also boners) (also lame)

9. Claremont McKenna College (tie) (boners)

9. Davidson College (tie) (boners)

Top 5 Public National Universities:

1. University of California—Berkeley

2. University of California—Los Angeles (tie)

2. University of Virginia (tie)

4. University of Michigan—Ann Arbor

5. University of North Carolina—Chapel Hill

Top 5 Public National Liberal Arts Colleges:

1. United States Naval Academy

2. United States Military Academy

3. United States Air Force Academy

4. Virginia Military Institute

5. New College of Florida

Congrats to all you overachievers who made the cut. Now go shove it in your friends’ faces..

h/t Esquire

Image via YouTube