For professional bodybuilders and amateur juiceheads everywhere, it’s officially bulking season. This is the time of year when weightlifters consume an excessive amount of calories to pack on extra mass. The logic here is that since the weather is going to be significantly colder, there’s no need to maintain a lean and mean beach body. And since girls won’t be able to drool over your covered-up chiseled pecs and washboard abs, it’s okay to ease up on your diet. To an extent, that is. We need to be clear that there’s a right way and wrong way to approach this.
The correct way to bulk up during the fall/winter months is to calculate your macros and follow a relatively clean meal plan. You don’t necessarily have to eat an uncomfortable amount of bland-ass chicken breast and rice every day, though. The key here is to just ensure that you’re consuming nutritious, whole foods for about 60-70 percent of the day. For the other 30-40 percent, treat yourself to something that you enjoy. Grab a bowl of ice cream and some Oreos, if that’s what you want. You’ll have to eat a little “dirty” to hit your caloric goals.
The incorrect way to bulk up is by eating whatever the fuck you want. The goal here is to gain weight, yes, but that’s without simultaneously cutting years off your life. I mean, I’ve seen dudes eat an entire Big Dinner Box from Pizza Hut and wash it all down with a barrel of Dr. Pepper. I could literally feel my cholesterol rising from just watching them. Binging is never a healthy eating habit, and those who go all out in the name of “bulking” are quickly setting themselves up to be on an episode of My 600-lb Life.
Personally, I think the “see-food” diet is kind of disrespectful towards the guys who actually take this shit seriously. For example, I’m naturally lean at around 140-145 pounds. My metabolism moves at the speed of an Olympic sprinter. Sometimes I feel like the only way I could gain weight is if I was hooked up to an IV that was constantly pumping mashed potatoes into my bloodstream. Rather than just a season, bulking is a year-round affair for me. If I don’t manage to consistently eat beyond a minimum threshold of calories, I’ll lose weight faster than Rick Ross snackin’ on pears.
I’m tired of working out with dudes who could give two fucks about their nutrition. They have the audacity to tell me to bulk up and “get these gains” like them when I can see their beer gut stretching their Nike compression top to the absolute limit. Those seams are crying out for help, guy. Look, I don’t need to be reminded that I’m not the thickest beef stick in the pack. I’m a Slim Jim, and I’m okay with that. I’d rather eat clean and gain healthy weight than eat like shit and look like a walking tub of Crisco.
If you’ve been using bulking season to justify your rise to morbid obesity, it’s time to be honest with yourself: The only gains you’re making are to your waistline and your delusional ego..