Campus PD: Almost Average

I’m sick of hearing all local law enforcement officers referred to as heroes in the same breath with soldiers risking their lives overseas. I’m sure there are some officers out there who really are protecting and serving, but none those guys are working for a university police department. Becoming a police officer has always been the go to career path for every C student with an unfulfilled superiority complex. I’m sorry you fucked up in your youth and desperately want people to respect you, officer. The reality is everyone hates you because your only real job is traffic control and ruining the evenings of underage kids everywhere.

The demographics on college campuses just don’t lend themselves to actual crime. The worst criminal on campus is probably some kid selling grams out of his dorm room.

I have to very clearly clarify that my hatred is strictly towards campus police. Officers who have to patrol the streets of urban warzones like Detroit and East St. Louis are actually serving a noble purpose. But campus PD officers? Fuck no. Did they really go to the academy with the dream of directing pedestrian traffic and chasing bicycle thieves in a town like College Station? Probably not. Campus PD is really the worst case scenario for a life in law enforcement. I take that back. Mall cop would be worse, but only slightly. At least mall cops have admitted defeat. They are content protecting department stores from the heinous crime of petty shoplifting. Campus PD should take note. They should accept the fact that their job is essentially babysitting college students until we leave in 4 years and promptly make more money than their sergeant.

The career progression for a campus officer is quite impressive. Start out as a bike cop. Get promoted to traffic cop. Get promoted to Director of Bike Theft Task Force. Twenty years of mediocrity and long nights crying yourself to sleep later and you’re Chief! GOOD JOB BRO! Being the Chief of Campus Police is like having a building at a community college named after you. You’ve reached the peak of your professional career but ultimately you still end up just short of relevance.

It’s a depressing life, but there’s no need to take it out us. They take themselves a little too seriously. Do you really need to arrest someone for being drunk in public? Public is fucking everywhere! It’s kind of hard to not be drunk in public. Every time I see someone pulled out of a bar for drinking underage it’s hard to believe that there isn’t a better way for that officer to be allocating his time. They get paid $30.00/hr to drive around and ruin as many evenings as possible. They are motivated by the same thing that drives tow truck drivers, meter maids, postal workers, and every other professional peddler of aggravation. They literally subsist on sucking the joy from others to fill the infinite pit of despair that is their soul.

In conclusion… FUCK THE (campus) POLICE.

    1. GloryGlory

      I meant for nothing to be done there. I’m only a sophomore so I want to know what Athens was like before I got here.

      12 years ago at 5:43 pm
    1. fratanomics

      If you’re pledging the best fraternity in the nation, then why is your screen name PIKEpledge?

      12 years ago at 12:57 pm
    2. PIKEpledge

      Well it does not take a rocket scientist or astrophysicist to realize pike is the best frat.. We are top tier nation wide

      12 years ago at 1:03 pm
    3. fratanomics

      I’ve heard that if you repeat a falsehood enough, it eventually becomes true.

      12 years ago at 1:12 pm
    4. PTBAP

      ^It’s this complex where the person eventually truly believes what they are saying to be true. The reality can be quite different. And in this case it most certainly is.

      12 years ago at 1:23 pm
    5. PTBAP

      I decided to turn down the “interview” for a bid from Pike and rush a real fraternity, rather than just apply for some men’s organization on my campus.

      12 years ago at 1:29 pm
    6. fratanomics

      PIKE at my school didn’t have a house and was a bottom tier chapter when they had one. They didn’t even get booted for drugs or hazing. They got their charter revoked because they didn’t have enough members.

      12 years ago at 1:34 pm
    7. Davy Crockett

      I hope y’all are just counter-trolling the troll, otherwise I would be embarrassed to see the greek life at your schools.

      12 years ago at 1:58 pm
    8. Beer Quisque Beer

      I’m pretty sure I know who fratanomics is and he is a geed and counter trolling the troll.

      12 years ago at 12:13 am
    9. fratanomics

      I guarantee you have no idea who I am. I’m also most assuredly not a geed, but I was counter trolling.

      12 years ago at 12:39 am
    10. Davy Crockett

      SHUT UP PLEDGE if you were counter-trolling I would not have had to make a statement implying doubt in your counter-trolling “ability.”

      12 years ago at 3:01 am
    1. I Piss Excellence

      Someone from Ole Miss must have naked pictures of the TFM Intern to get this shit published.

      12 years ago at 9:20 pm
  1. reagansucks

    Hate to say it, but the military doesn’t exactly recruit the best and brightest either.
    They’re both absolutely necessary positions that are grossly underpaid.

    Everyone seems to hate to hate the police until they suddenly need them.
    OP also clearly doesn’t understand the difference between a rent-a-cop/security guard and an actual police officer.

    12 years ago at 12:31 pm
    1. Davy Crockett

      No, MOMO, you got it right. “reagan sucks” is a fucking terrorist for his despicable, welfare-induced, “chip-on-the-shoulder-cause-he’s-poor” attempt to undermine the men and women who protect our freedom. “reagan sucks,” fuck off, kid.

      12 years ago at 3:04 am
    2. 1868 Fratting

      killing brown people and breaking their shit isnt making us any safer, chief.

      12 years ago at 5:55 am
  2. Keystone Killer

    Looks like someone got into it with the campus PD and came home to write an article about how they suck. Definitely agree though. Nobody even knows where their jurisdiction lies.

    12 years ago at 12:40 pm
    1. CitizenKane

      Yes. I would much rather them spend their time patrolling for actual criminals than trying to roll underage college students for drinking on a weekend..

      12 years ago at 4:28 pm