Chinese Kids Think Your Finals are for Pussies

Are you sitting in a library right now? Have you been there for a long time? Has your diet been a steady dosage of Adderall, caffeine, and nicotine? Have all your human interactions gone something like this?

Random Person: Is anyone sitting there?


Random Person: Jesus, sorry.

(*Starts to leave*)

You: WAIT! You have an addy?

Random Person: No, do you?


Yeah, well, no one cares. Why? Because you ain’t got SHIT on the Chinese.

You thought you were studying too hard? Well unless you’ve ever needed intravenous medication to keep you from passing out or collapsing due to excessive studying, you have it pretty good compared to these young students at a high school in Xiaogan, central China’s Hubei province. Photos taken late one evening, and posted on popular Chinese site Sina Weibo, show a brightly lit classroom full of students studying National College Entrance Exam, commonly known as “gao kao”. Students appear buried among piles of books, with dozens of IV bags hanging from lines traversing the classroom.

In case you missed it, those Chinese kids are studying for a college entrance exam, i.e. the Chinese SAT. I assume the Chinese SAT is basically a combination of the National Spelling Bee and “The Hunger Games,” except with more dead teenagers.

The National College Entrance Examination, or gao kao, is viewed as a life-and-death turning point in the lives of senior high-school students, as it determines if they can be accepted by into their dream schools and if they can go to college at all, regardless of their previous academic performances in high-school. The test includes three compulsory subjects (Mathematics, Chinese and English), plus a few optional

It wasn’t pictured but just out of frame there was a cadre of armed guards, led by the school’s frightening principal, who was laughing a menacing Chinese laugh and wearing an eye patch.

“You wirr rearn the coursework or YOU WIRR REARN PAIN!”

Here are some more terrifying pictures of Chinese kids plugged into IV’s, memorizing math equations like they’re the combination to a safe holding an antidote to a poison they just swallowed.

Asked about the situation,Mr. Xia, director of Office of Academic Affairs, said the IVs only delivered amino acids to restore students’ health. “The state grants a 10-yuan subsidy for amino acids to each graduating senior that will participate in the gao kao(National College Entrance Exam).

So basically the Chinese government knows that their kids are going to be studying to the point of exhaustion and plans accordingly. There’s no way these Chinese kids retain much sanity or common sense after these insane cram sessions. That actually explains a lot, like why Chinese college exchange students have no sense of basic concepts like “traffic.” I swear if I had a nickel for every time I almost hit a confused Chinese exchange student who wandered into the street I’d have enough nickels to pay a factory full of the kids who failed this test.

So the next time you read some article, see a news story, or hear some dipshit old person complaining about American students abusing medication to study, and then listen to them talk about Chinese test scores, politely request that they take a giant step backwards and FUCK THEIR OWN FACE.

This story, by the way, is the tip of the iceberg. I guarantee Chinese students have been on speed and God knows what else for fucking decades. So good luck on finals! It’s up to you to make sure these little fuckers don’t become our anti-social overlords.

Follow me on Twitter @BaconTFM

    1. the fratness monster

      No bacon, I believe the Chinese don’t have shit on us. Despite having 1.3 billion people in their country, China does not have a single Nobel prize winner if you take into account that none of them are full-blown citizens of China. If you do count those, they have 5 to the United State’s 330. Their education system is based on memorization and repitition, which doesn’t mean shit when it comes down to problem solving and critical thinking. The international education ranking system is very misleading since the U.S. has a shit ton of outliers that weigh down our test scores such as illegal immigrants and pathetic fucks that shoot up the schools such as the Columbine fucks. Our university system is still the envy of the world, and will continue to be with the fraternity system
      leading the way.


      12 years ago at 8:38 pm
    1. Fratrick Swayze 1856

      That is fucking awesome ignore this douche^ someone apparently can’t quite afford the candy. Have you tried rock? Little cheaper I hear.

      12 years ago at 1:06 pm
    2. Barry Badrinath

      ^^rock? I seriously hope your kidding. Anything that isn’t the soft stuff is for the darks.

      12 years ago at 6:45 pm
  1. USArmy6320

    These are the people that we as a country are going to be competing against in the future? We are so fucked.

    Too bad they’re all ugly.

    12 years ago at 12:46 pm
    1. Jerry Fratdusky

      China has a long way to go before they are ever a threat. Their students make for great accountants and low-tech workers, but they lack innovative minds and the ability to think outside the box.

      Plus they have small weewees.

      12 years ago at 2:19 pm
    2. anon7472974648

      Dusky nailed it. Also, wealth inequality in that country is way too big right now. Unless that’s fixed, their growth is unsustainable and the government could collapse.

      12 years ago at 3:32 pm
    3. Tallapoosa Snu

      American penis so big… japanese penis so small…. much much smaller. Very small.

      12 years ago at 5:18 pm
    4. Pee Buttermore

      China is not a threat, although they could fuck with our economy. Thank God for little Leee Chow Huan making my sperry’s, and keeping them priced at under $130.

      12 years ago at 9:24 pm
  2. TrickleDown

    Shit’s even worse in Japan.

    They’ve been holding mandatory government sponsored classes that teach people how to attract the opposite gender since their birth rate is so low. They don’t fucking know how to have sex anymore.

    No wonder Asians are so socially awkward.

    12 years ago at 12:50 pm
    1. TrickleDown

      I should also note that this lives a great untapped market for Japanese women, invest accordingly.

      12 years ago at 12:50 pm
      1. ThoughtThereforeFrat

        I would slam a hot Japanese girl any day of the week. Since WWII those Japanese women have learned to submit to American dick.

        12 years ago at 12:55 pm
    2. Rutherford B_Haze

      I don’t know. Oriental girls just don’t seem to do it for me, I guess I’m just not that into them.

      12 years ago at 2:04 pm
    3. Jon M Fratsman

      See man, big-tittied Asians are so rare though… I’ve never dipped a toe in the yellow river before, it’s possible I would if they were hot/if I was drunk enough, but I don’t know. Like Rutherford said, 99% of them just don’t do it for me.

      12 years ago at 2:31 pm
    4. TrickleDown

      Valid points gentlemen and I will concede that the majority of asians are your standard library dwellers. However, I would lie if I denied that I caught the yellow fever on occasion. Big tits on such a petite frame is so wonderfully unexpected.

      12 years ago at 4:22 pm
    5. Frattastic378

      ^^^^^^^ I’m pretty sure that the lack of sex drive is due to the abundance of soy in their diets. Or it could possibly just be the small peepees.

      12 years ago at 10:11 pm
    1. Mashholder Stu

      Southerners like you really do our Country a disservice, I don’t understand why we ever gave them the right to vote.

      12 years ago at 1:16 pm
    2. Mashholder Stu

      Southern girls with meth mouth are the reason Yanks prefer northern girls. And guys like you are the reason that respectable northern girls throw their drinks on you at parties.

      12 years ago at 1:28 pm
    3. superwayne

      I’m from the North and went to school in the South. So shut the fuck up stu. People like you are why I went south.

      12 years ago at 1:37 pm
    4. QuintanaBreeze

      That just kind of crippled your argument, huh? Kid- ya’ spelled school wrong when trying to put someone down about school. Classic.

      12 years ago at 1:49 pm

      masholder stu why dont you take a step back and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE

      12 years ago at 2:20 pm
    6. Mashholder Stu

      Oh, you went to school in the South? I heard that most of their job placement programs are links to, have fun washing my boat. Bitch

      12 years ago at 2:34 pm
    7. iTryHard

      ^If anyone’s a dumb ass it’s the Yanks, look at what you’ve done freeing the knee-grows, we actually have to treat them like people now.

      12 years ago at 4:06 pm
    8. K1m8all90

      ^^^^^At least they teach proper punctuation in the south, Mashholder Stu. Do you really not know what the difference between a comma and a period is?

      12 years ago at 10:53 pm
    9. Leonidas

      I live in New York. People like you make us look bad and you’re probably one of those knee-grow lovers. Fuck your own face.

      12 years ago at 11:52 pm
    10. Northern_Supremecy

      I would tend to agree with ‘Mashholder Stu.’ The collective competency of Southern post-secondary is abysmal. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—fuck the South.

      12 years ago at 3:14 am
    11. Mashholder Stu

      tell me more about how much better it is to live in appalachian foothills and fuck your own sister

      12 years ago at 11:54 am