Classic Fraternity Composite Photos

I was recently introduced to’s “Classic Frat Bros” which is a collection of unusually interesting composite photos. These are some of my personal favorites, with descriptions of what I assume these individuals are probably like.

Stinky Finkle

At first glance this photo doesn’t look particularly entertaining, but then you realize this guy’s name is Stinky Finkle, and he is, in fact, the pledge educator. There’s always at least one active that fucks with the pledges during a lineup by trying to get them to laugh so that everyone else involved in the haze session will destroy them. Can you imagine how hard it would be to keep a straight face when your pledge trainer’s name is Stinky Finkle? There is no fucking way I could keep myself from exploding with hyena-like laughter. I’d have Finkle and Einhorn jokes from Ace Ventura running through my head the entire time.

Psycho Lips

Here we have Psycho Lips. I think it’s fairly obvious that he got his name from doing unsafe amounts of cocaine and talking at a speed that caused his lips to flap in wild fashion. Obviously Psycho Lips is the best choice for president of the fraternity, because he can talk his way out of anything.

Vegas Walsh

On a whim, Vegas Walsh once flew to Vegas at 3:00am on a Wednesday. He proceeded to blow $6,700 of his parents’ money on strippers at The Rhino before getting kicked out of the VIP room for throwing up in a stripper’s mouth. He’s been Vegas Walsh ever since, and he still likes to party.


Freebie is the Head Pledge Educator/Mom, and a passionate Waffle House enthusiast. He hazes balls, wearing his black wig and blaring Metallica’s Greatest Hits, and then heads for Waffle House to inhale 8 pancakes and 12 sausage links doused in syrup. Every time he finishes pile driving a freshman sorostitute he looks her right in the eye and says, “That one was a fucking freebie.”

Elmer Kepner

Elmer used to do landscaping for the fraternity, and every once in a while he’d huff paint in the basement of the house and then run through rush parties naked, screaming “BEWARE THE ONE EYED SERPENT!” Eventually they said fuck it and granted him honorary membership, because they were afraid he’d murder them all if they didn’t.

Tantrum Ross

Nobody knows this guy’s real name, but when he blacks out he throws 12-year-old-esque tantrums about the most insignificant of issues. Tantrum Ross is shitfaced and you just bumped into him and spilled some of his beer? You better fucking run. He might look like a goofy, innocent dweeb, but he will bite your fucking ear off when he’s wasted. Look at those fangs.

Wristwatch Scharf

Scharf has never been to a party where he didn’t take out his Dick, place it over his wrist, walk up to a girl and say, “Have you seen my wristwatch?”

Matthew Brohammer

Matt Brohammer is the biggest nerd his chapter has ever given a bid to. He has made Dean’s List every semester and spends most of his time in the library tutoring sorority girls. What you wouldn’t guess about Matthew is that when he’s done tutoring these girls they usually take him back to their room at the srat castle where he jackhammers them with his 12-inch brohammer. Something about his extremely dorky image and vintage specs give these ladies a feeling of comfort…until they take off his pants and realized they’ve unleashed an untamable beast.

    1. iRage

      Take a lap. Actually, no lap necessary. Just run until you get to reddit and stay there.

      13 years ago at 4:36 pm
    1. The Frat Czar

      For a second there, I kind of hoped this was serious. Then I saw it was you.

      13 years ago at 6:23 pm
  1. The Tradition

    Stinky Finkle has one of the most pathetic tie knots I have ever laid my eyes on.

    13 years ago at 4:57 pm
    1. Hogarth

      The Knot, It’s called the four in hand. Wearing your tie in such a way shows that you have some semblance of style or class. I know you have it in your head somewhere that a double windsor knot the size of an apple is “fratty” and therefore cool. Unfortunately this manner of dress just makes you look like a child who got into his grandfathers tie collection. This facade is only strengthened by the over sized suit and baggy pleated polo khakis I’m sure you wear. Stinky Fickle was close to looking presentable, only thrown off by his choice shirt. A classic medium spread collar without buttons would have been a nice touch. Good day.

      13 years ago at 5:47 pm
    2. Big XII Frat

      Writing a whole paragraph about tie knots and their particulars. TFM to the max.

      13 years ago at 7:37 pm
    3. FraturdayNightFever

      The four in hand was developed by hansom cab drivers in London because they were required to wear a tie but didn’t want to have to use the more complex half or full windsor. It’s acceptable, but it’s pretty narrow and asymmetric, and not really suited for more formal occasions.

      13 years ago at 7:45 pm
    4. Bull In a China Shop

      There is no such thing as a “Double Windsor,” as everyone should know, it is referred to as a Full Windsor, you ignorant fuck.

      13 years ago at 2:09 pm
    1. Frat Preacher

      “Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?”

      13 years ago at 8:22 am
  2. bourbon and coke

    Im pretty sure stinky lips means he planted his head between quite a few legs on a regular basis

    13 years ago at 5:40 pm