Dan Bilzerian And Jen Selter Hung Out In Vegas And Now Life Doesn’t Seem Worth Living

Hey Dan, we get it, man. We get it. Your life doesn’t suck. I realize part of your schtick is photographing all the awesome shit you do to post it on social media so we can see all the awesome shit you do. And I really do enjoy all the photos of you surrounded by beautiful, naked women, hanging out on PJs, firing fully automatic weapons in the desert, and hiding behind a mountain of casino chips. That’s all good, good stuff, and those photos are a big reason for your popularity right now.

But dude, you’ve crossed the line. How dare you flaunt Selter right in my face like this. You knew I’d see this photo. You knew it. I swear if you touched one hair on her head…

Enough is enough, Dan. Save some cool shit for the rest of us. What was wrong with that blonde number on the right? The one with the Hindenburgs… You couldn’t have gone after her instead of Jen? Oh wait. What am I talking about? You probably did, because you’re a greedy, greedy man. Whatever.

I thought we developed a good rapport back when I interviewed you. I guess I was wrong.

P.S. Jen, you broke my heart.

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P.P.S. Happy 21st, babe (if you even care anymore).

  1. Blantons

    Bilzerian must have an enormous head to be able to handle all that ass sitting on his face.

    10 years ago at 10:14 am
      1. I Make Stupid Usernames

        Ya and the best girls are those with a nice face in addition. #fatGirlFuckerDetected

        10 years ago at 3:35 pm
      2. ForresterSig

        There just something about you that makes me want to far in a mason jar and hand it to you.

        10 years ago at 5:29 pm
      3. Bronito Mussolini

        Just come out the closet already, champ. Your comments have gotten considerably more unbearable day after day.

        10 years ago at 9:14 am
  2. Fratagonia6969

    I wonder if Dorn was slightly heartbroken about this when he came across it with as hard as he has been trying on Twitter…

    10 years ago at 10:16 am
      1. Doesnt Quite Get It

        We’re lapping jabs at Pike and Jorts University now?
        RIP comment section.

        10 years ago at 11:11 pm
  3. DarrensDad

    Dorn hasn’t had such a raging rage-boner since he was kicked out of the middle school graduation for a Filipino boys school.

    10 years ago at 10:35 am
  4. Fratrick II

    Dorn, it’ll be alright man. Why don’t you take the day off, load up in the van and go cruise around a playground. You know, get things off your mind.

    10 years ago at 10:41 am
      1. Jordan Ross Belfort

        How dare you disrespect the memory of Mr. Farley with your poorly executed reference?

        10 years ago at 6:05 pm
      1. Peyote Swag Monster

        Can we burn this “chubbies and croakies” kid like a witch? With a name like that you’d think he’d be too busy being knuckle deep in some California ankle grabber to be posting on here.

        10 years ago at 3:13 pm