Dancing Cry Baby Cam Newton Should Learn From Gracious Northern Iowa Basketball

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Toughness. Courage. Grit. That’s what the Northern Iowa Panthers showed us last night. Yes, they looked like a clumsy YMCA team of toddlers who have yet to master basic motor functions, stumbling over their own two feet while trying to break Texas A&M’s full-court press. And yes, they inexplicably fell in crushing, mind-numbing defeat in double overtime to the Aggies after blowing a 12-point lead with a mere 44 seconds left in regulation, when the entire world had already penciled them into the sweet sixteen. But the mark of a true champion isn’t determined by winning actions on the court.

I mean, technically, we will still crown a king of college hoops solely based on the performance of a team on the hardwood — and UNI is no longer even remotely close in contention for that title — but true champions and real men handle both victory and defeat with elegance and grace. And that’s exactly what UNI did. They took adversity head on, swallowed the little dignity they had left, and sat in that losing press conference until every last inane question was asked by the prodding media.

What a group of fine young men gutting it out after having their hearts stomped into the ground. Such fortitude and moxie. Like the American soldiers storming the beaches of Normandy, the seniors of Northern Iowa didn’t run away from the machine gun hellfire — they charged towards it. Downright heroic if you ask me.

The sniffling. The tears. The “just thankful to be apart of it” attitude every cuckold who watches his wife get gangbanged possesses. Absolute class personified. A masterful coaching job by Ben Jacobson that did not go unnoticed.

Give that man both a pat on the back for a massive moral victory and an extension while we’re at it. Forget that his squad just suffered the most historic collapse in the sport’s history; the heart and character demonstrated by his guys post-game are irrefutable. That’s the kind of coach you want your son to play for — especially at a school like Northern Iowa. Pain and agony was eventually the inevitable for this senior loaded Panther squad. It was just a matter of time before the clock would strike midnight on Cinderella. But they had their moments and accomplished what they came into the tournament to do, and that’s lose with class.

Maybe stop dancing for a few moments and take notes, Cam Newton. When you actually shed tears and sit through all the pointless, irritating questions, no one calls you an immature cry baby. You’re just an emotional high character guy who put his entire soul into a game he loves. Raw, unfiltered passion and the acceptance that you disappointed not only every fan in your town but also each guy in the locker room that you line up with day in and day out. That’s what separates the MEN from the boys: weeping and submissiveness. That’s how to handle defeat with outright class. That’s the definition of a true champion.

Image via Youtube

  1. Dirk_Diggler69

    I get what you’re trying to do here, but you kind of just sound like a huge dick to the UNI players who didn’t really do anything to deserve it and obviously already are pretty upset about the game.

    9 years ago at 11:05 am
  2. Loess Hills Panther

    Fuck you Dan, fuck moral victories, fuck aTm, fuck me for thinking UNI had a shot.

    9 years ago at 11:58 am
  3. CrotchScotch

    The capitalizations in this article were unbearable. Would have been so much better without you over-emphasizing every little buzzword.

    9 years ago at 12:55 pm
    1. Robdog

      Sometimes sarcasm isn’t obvious even when it hits you in the head with a brick.

      9 years ago at 1:36 pm
  4. 12abc

    Love the satire. Also love that much of your audience will think you’re being serious.

    9 years ago at 2:54 pm
  5. RustyCuntz

    Shut the hell up about Cam Newton already and his damn reaction to the Super Bowl. He’s pissed he’s lost so what fuck you. And fuck Northern Iowa. Can’t inbound a damn ball, but hey they handled the loss like “champs.” Get fucked

    9 years ago at 6:20 pm