Dear Spring Pledge

Dear spring pledge,

It’s ok. I understand. You probably went home over the break and got hazed by your old high school friends. They all joined top-tier fraternities and you’re still a worthless geed. They still let you hang out, but while they talk about slamming sorority girls in toga orgies, you reminisce on nights spent slamming Four Loko trying to dodge the RA while scampering girlishly between dorm rooms. Your buddies swap stories from pledgeship and fight over who had it worse, and occasionally you laugh to let them know you’re still there. That’s when the harsh realization sets in: You offer nothing to society, and your friends and family would rather hang out with Nancy Grace than you.

Not to worry. Many fine fraternities offer a second-rate road to brotherhood known as spring pledgeship. Sure, everyone will call you a pussy and assume that you were too much of a bitch to join in the Fall, and for the rest of your life you’ll be labeled as a slapdick, but that’s what you get. At least you don’t have to set up for tailgate. Try not to think about the fact that a ravenous pack of haze-hungry, alcohol-fueled lunatics just got initiated and are chomping at the bit to make you cry like a schoolgirl. This is your life now. It’ll all be over in a short 16 weeks. Not counting hell week. At least you have Spring Break. Maybe.

By the way, we elected the white Ray Lewis as pledge trainer. He’s been blowing down small mountains of nose candy, and teen-wolfing handles of Kentucky Deluxe in a blackout fit of rage preparing for your arrival. At least you have one last chance at escaping a life of geedy mediocrity.

Regards,
Fall Pledge

P.S. Fuck you.

  1. Hazed in Dixie

    haha, i agree man.

    our pledge trainer is a Iraq veteran with PTSD. Needless to say…..they’re fucked

    14 years ago at 5:48 pm
    1. The White Man

      Noone understands the true meaning of hazing better than a man who’s been through boot camp/basic training and been to war. They’re definitely fucked.

      14 years ago at 9:06 pm
  2. KAvu

    I hate that this site is hating on Spring pledges. I went threw in the fall but Spring pledges I think sometimes get it worst than fall, only because there are fewer that pledge and in the spring and actives have more down time to fuck with pledges. So I’m not going to hate on them, actually I’m going to to tip my hat to them because that is less GDIs in this world. So fuck all you mother fuckers that hate people that go threw in the spring.

    14 years ago at 6:35 pm
    1. Blackball Bill

      through*

      No matter what semester you pledge you should learn how to spell. Pretty sure this site is meant to be entertaining, and this article is funny, not serious.

      14 years ago at 6:38 pm
    2. Sperry Seinfeld

      Smaller pledge class = a lot more work per pledge. I agree you are an idiot if you didn’t pledge in the fall, but you are no less of a brother because you pledged in the spring. No one cares what semester you pledged once you are initiated.

      14 years ago at 10:00 pm
    3. Broman_Sachs

      I am not surprised that this illiterate fuck was a spring pledge. It’s called proofreading, it’s also not very hard considering you wrote three sentences.

      I suggest you drop your fraternity, because you clearly do not deserve to be in it in the first place.

      13 years ago at 5:33 pm
  3. Born at a Tailgate

    To me, the new initiates are still pledges, except they can no longer clean up the puke around my toilet. They still don’t truly deserve my respect, and they certainly have no right to think they can haze like the older brothers. Pledging in the fall makes you no more of a brother than a spring pledge.

    14 years ago at 7:01 pm
    1. NautiFRAT Sailboats

      They might be “actives” but that doesn’t mean you can’t pull seniority and scroll them to clean for you until the next pledge class gets in.

      14 years ago at 7:09 pm
    2. Andrew Fratson

      Our new initiates are still pledges until we initiate new members. It’s Christmas all year long.

      14 years ago at 9:09 pm
    3. Whats your major

      We call them N.I.G.s (newly initiated guys) just so they remember their place.

      14 years ago at 5:11 pm
  4. Lambda Bro Alpha

    “we elected the white Ray Lewis as pledge trainer. He’s been blowing down small mountains of nose candy, and teen-wolfing handles of Kentucky Deluxe in a blackout fit of rage preparing for your arrival.”

    hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    14 years ago at 7:31 pm
  5. 2fratty

    My personal favorite-
    “your friends and family would rather hang out with Nancy Grace than you.”

    14 years ago at 8:26 pm
  6. PTG Beauregard

    Order of respect:

    Old alumni who give back
    Young alumni who give back
    Seniors on exec
    Alumni who don’t give back (seriously? what kind of example is that?)
    Seniors
    Juniors
    Sophomores
    Fall pledges who have already rushed someone else
    Fall pledges
    Spring pledges
    geeds

    14 years ago at 8:52 pm
    1. Bluegrass Belle

      I’d inclue the house dog in here somewhere, probably ahead of both sets of fall pledges, and definitely above geeds. But I completely agree with you.

      14 years ago at 12:22 am
    2. Sen J B Blutarsky

      Don’t forget “House employees with more than 20 years experience”

      14 years ago at 7:49 am
    3. brobane

      Order of respect:

      Old alumni who give back
      Young alumni who give back
      Chapter Advisors
      Seniors on exec
      Seniors
      Juniors
      Sophomores
      Chapter sweetheart
      Slampieces
      Fall pledges
      Spring pledges
      geeds

      14 years ago at 12:32 am
    4. ShutTheFuckUpDonnie

      Order of respect:

      Old alumni who give back
      Young alumni who give back
      Seniors on exec
      Alumni who don’t give back
      Seniors
      Juniors
      Sophomores
      Chapter sweetheart
      New Initiates
      Slampieces
      Fall pledges
      Spring pledges
      geeds
      Bitches who depledge
      Obama

      … Just to draw from everyone else. haha

      13 years ago at 3:24 pm