Empty Your Bank Account On The Panthers Over The Broncos

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Line: Panthers -3
Pick: Panthers
Prop: Broncos UNDER 19.5 Points

The Super Bowl rematch we’ve all been waiting for is here. Well, sort of. The Broncos, in some sort of bizarre NFL Kamikaze’ing of their own roster, have gone from a quarterback depth chart comprised of a sure fire Hall of Famer and rising star to Trevor Siemian and Paxton Lynch, which would be funny if it was a joke in the wake of hoisting the Lombardi trophy, but amazingly team President John Elway actually allowed this to happen. Maybe he’s trying to come out of retirement and let the defense carry him to another ring, inspired by Peyton Manning last season? A Broncos fan can only hope.

In college, my friends and I used to refer to the the new Broncos starting quarterback as Trevor the Semen Demon, a not so clever play on his last name, but astutely grounded in what we imagine was the ejaculatory excitement of opposing defenses when Northwestern’s dunce of a quarterback took the field. Now, through circumstances I will never understand, that dunce is the leader of the world champions. While, to the best of my knowledge at least, Siemian is not a Make-A-Wish kid, it seems somehow the guy nobody could believe started for a perennial Big Ten cellar dweller was simply the best option in training camp for the Super Bowl champions. What a country.

Siemian is really bad; there’s no other way around it. Having his first career start against perhaps the best defense in the world also won’t help. Yes, the Broncos still possess elite options in Thomas and Sanders, though this is, without a doubt, the thinnest receiving core and backfield of the last several years in Denver. Cody Latimer has been around long enough now to justify the term bust, and gone are Vernon Davis and Julius Thomas (signed with the Jags in 2015) and the retreads that fill out the receiving core and backup Virgil Green are replacement level at best. In the backfield, I’m not sold on CJ Anderson, especially as the Broncos rely on their running game against what should be heavily stacked fronts harassing their young and inept quarterback into passing down the field.

The Panthers are essentially a nightmarish matchup for the Broncos this season. I would take their front seven over any the league, and though they lost Josh Norman in the secondary, the Panthers bring back ten starters and six of their top reserves to a unit that flirted with the number one overall ranking last season. On offense, the Panthers finally have some weapons for Cam Newton, coming off of an unprecedented MVP season in which Newton set career highs while playing without his best overall receiver. Now, Kelvin is back, Funchess is looking to emerge as a premier second receiver, and Greg Olsen is finally fully healthy.

I’ve already declared my opinion that the Broncos will be this year’s biggest disappointment, with huge losses on defense slowing a once elite unit and the suicide of their offense grinding out low scoring games all season long. The Panthers have revenge on their minds, a vastly superior quarterback, and overall far more talented roster. Ron Rivera and the defensive staff will wreak havoc on the Semen Demon, while Newton and the newly retooled offense picks up where the 2015 regular season left off, avenging their Super Bowl ineptitude. People are sleeping on Kelvin Benjamin, a dominant rookie poised for a breakout 2015 prior to injury. The Panthers are a damn good team that got even stronger this offseason, while the World Champions took several steps back.

You might as well count the money now, because this one is a lock.

Pick: Panthers 31 Broncos 10.

Image via Shutterstock

      1. radbeer

        You’re not funny or making a difference bud find some other place to incessantly rant

        8 years ago at 12:38 pm
    1. frat_v_wade

      Didn’t you also tell us LSU -10 over Wisconsin was the surest thing since Bacon’s mom’s botched abortion? Eat yourself.

      8 years ago at 1:09 pm
    1. Siblings of Mark Wahlberg

      4 team parlays should never get much play. There’s a reason they pay so well and it is not because you’re likely to win them. I usually like to do a round robin of two team parlays and throw a small amount on the 4/5 team just in case i get extremely hot

      8 years ago at 11:23 am
      1. Beer Jacket

        3/5 overall, but I’ll give credit where credit is due you didn’t lose us any money.

        8 years ago at 11:29 am
      2. Freshman_15

        Not pick. Guaranteed locks. Last time I checked guaranteed means you don’t fuck up. You and Jay Mohr must hang out.

        8 years ago at 2:55 pm
  1. Cordell Walker

    Man I think I’m with sibs on this one. They’re definitely gonna cover -3

    8 years ago at 11:20 am
      1. FratsAndStats

        I need a million dollars and blowie from Jennifer Aniston, but its not gunna happen.

        8 years ago at 1:59 pm
      2. OHoulihan

        31-10 and the panthers are down 4 halfway through the 4th. For your sake, I hope you didn’t really empty your bank account on this one.

        8 years ago at 10:18 pm
      3. HurricaneSzn

        “Get revenge” this isn’t a fucking drama novel, Sibs, Denver’s coaching staff is and always will be better than Carolina’s.

        8 years ago at 8:39 am
    1. thevaginator

      Losing Jackson and Trevathan is gonna hurt a lot more than you think. They were two of their best run defenders and Carolina has the best rushing attack in the league with Stewart, Tolbert, and Cam.

      8 years ago at 2:51 pm
  2. Dickson

    Siblings this seems awfully like when you told me to put every dollar I had on LSU

    8 years ago at 11:56 am
    1. FL_SouthernFrat

      Same result on this game. The guy can’t book bets to save his life. He does like to throw out a few catchy gambling quips to make sure all the incoming freshmen all know he’s a real shark though! 0-2 on your line bet and prop, fucking chump.

      8 years ago at 6:31 am
    2. Gamefrock69

      Your betting advice is shittier than my Brock Turner comments and you genuinely try…you are a stupid fuck

      8 years ago at 12:52 pm
  3. Rebuttals

    31-10?? Panthers might win, but they’re not gonna destroy them. Come on Sibs.

    8 years ago at 12:27 pm