Everyone’s Favorite GDI Goes On Epic Rant
Alex Jones: “And you’re working out even a couple times a day sometimes.”
Charlie Sheen: “Um, well yeah, but there’s only one time in the gym if you catch my drift. We’re not live are we?”
In case you’ve been living under a rock, Charlie Sheen really, really likes to party. Basically, his persona is Giants’ pitcher Brian Wilson mixed with a shit ton of blow.
“Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah that would be us. Sorry man, didn’t make the rules. Oops.”
Last week, he went all-out apeshit during a radio interview with Alex Jones, ranting like a mad man and shitting all over the producers of his hit TV show, Two and a Half Men, which has subsequently been canceled.
“I am battle tested bayonets, bro. I’m tired, I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitchin’ and just winning every second, and I’m not perfect and bitchin’. And just delivering the goods at every frickin’ turn. Because, look what I’m dealing with man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls. Ya know? I’m dealin with soft targets.”
In the interview, he claims he is clean, but if that isn’t an amphetamine fueled rant, then I don’t know what is.
“I don’t have time for these clowns. I don’t have time for their judgment and their stupidity. You know, they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say ‘I CAN’T PROCESS IT.’ Well no, and you never will, stop trying just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?”
I mean, I guess it’s possible that he’s blowing down Adderall, or bonging coffee. Would that be considered “clean”? He refuses to acknowledge any addiction: “The only thing I’m addicted to now is winning.” Then he takes shots at Alcoholics Anonymous: “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain, with my mind.”
Awesome.
“It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view, Alex.”
Listen to the full interview:
He dropped these gems during a more recent interview with ABC News:
“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them, because that’s how I roll…I have one speed. I have one gear. Go.”
“I got tiger blood, man. My brain…fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.”
Also, his brother is Gordon Bombay.
Good God…Charlie Sheen could wear cargo shorts, use jean shorts for boxers, gel his hair like a sea urchin, wear loafers with white socks, sport a bowling shirt with his name on the back, drive a hybrid car, and he would still be FaF.
13 years ago at 8:25 pm7 grams at one time you say? that sounds exhilarating.
13 years ago at 8:35 pmmy uncle does on-set lighting for 2 and a half men, and he assured me that charlie sheen is not sober, obviously
Ha ha. Badass name man.
13 years ago at 8:36 pmYour uncle does on-set lighting? Thank you for giving everyone that posts on the website jokes for the next couple days.
13 years ago at 9:21 pmHa ha ha. That’s definitely not a name I would be dropping.
13 years ago at 9:24 pmwho gives a shit if his uncle does lighting, he wasnt bragging about that, he was just giving context you 3rd grade douches.
13 years ago at 10:45 pmIn 3rd grade, I learned how to capitalize the first letter of my sentences and punctuate the end of my sentences. Step up your game pledge.
13 years ago at 5:53 pmIf you learned about capitalization and periods in third grade, you were about three years behind the learning curve.
13 years ago at 10:39 pmThe best was when he called himself a warlock, then proceeded to quote Allen Iverson.
13 years ago at 8:26 pmHe was FaF for most of the first Wall Street movie.
13 years ago at 8:27 pmGordon Bombay selling out as coach of team USA by accepting endorsements and a house in Malibu. TFM
13 years ago at 8:27 pm“I got magic. I got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time, and this includes naps, I’m an F18 bro and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordinance to the ground.”
13 years ago at 8:37 pm“I said stay away from the crack, which I think is good advice unless you can manage it socially, because if you can manage it socially, go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know.”
13 years ago at 8:49 pmCharlie Sheen is a complete mess right now. What a tool
13 years ago at 8:49 pm^^^can’t process it and isn’t enjoying the show.
13 years ago at 9:09 pmHahaha
13 years ago at 10:22 amI can’t watch a Charlie Sheen interview without thinking Bud Fox is doing the interview.
13 years ago at 9:00 pmCharlie Sheen is TFTC about his image. Being totally unapologetic for partying FaF
13 years ago at 9:10 pmForget the curveball, Ricky. Give him the heater.
13 years ago at 9:53 pmlets see how the kid feels about the ol’ Number One.
13 years ago at 9:16 amyou telling me Jesus Christ cant hit a curveball
13 years ago at 8:04 pm