Festival Fratting

This morning a buddy of mine that goes to school in Dallas reminded me that he is crashing on my couch for Euphoria Music Festival which is coming up April 7.  Over the years I’ve gotten used to these calls from him, because he has always been that dude who is really into music, and I go to school in Austin where there are several major annual music festivals.  

Before I knew what I was missing his phone call would’ve caused me to call him a dirty hippie, then begrudgingly let his stoned ass sleep on my couch all weekend.  But that was before I learned the art of festival fratting.  After several experiences with festivals like Coachella, ACL and SXSW I have an appreciation for how these venues can serve as perfect locations to rage against the machine, even though I will be an intricate part of the machine after graduation.

At an event like Euphoria Music Festival, regardless of whether or not your favorite band or DJ is performing, there is a plethora of booze and girls who are down to party and take things to a slightly weirder level than you’re used to.  They will be dressed in some awesomely revealing manner, possibly tutus paired with extremely small tops (maybe just their bras).  Some of them will take their clothes off when they discover the body-painting tent.  No, I’m not kidding and I don’t know why they do all this, but it’s part of the culture and it’s awesome.  They’ll also be lured and enticed by the fact that you have taken a shower in the past month and aren’t dressed like a hobo.  God bless festival rave chicks.

There are multiple stages, so if things get weird and DJ Penishead’s costume is freaking you out, you can roam to another stage and drink away the memory of his veiny helmet (DJ Penishead does not exist, so don’t worry about it).  As far as acts, some people pick who they want to see based on the festival’s lineup ahead of time, and some people just show up and park at one stage to get shit-hammered and enjoy whatever musical madness happens to appear before them.  To each his own.

Speaking of shit-hammered, any decent festival has multiple bars positioned strategically so that regardless of what stage you’re currently enjoying you can easily grab another booze drink.  Really the only thing you have to worry about is weirdo hipster douches, but you can just ignore them like you do 90% of the bar on any given night.

Now that I know festivals can be friendly turf for raging, I look forward to my buddy’s phone calls, and am definitely pumped about Euphoria Music Festival (coincidentally one of the founders is an alumni of a fraternity in Texas).  For good measure, here’s my favorite mashup from The White Panda, who is on the lineup for this event.

  1. KappaSigCU

    i fucking love rave chicks mali is there drug of choice which just makes them that much more likely to fellace

    12 years ago at 7:24 pm
    1. Gordon Fratkko

      Please learn basic grammar so you don’t look like such a backwards, illiterate fuck. “‘I’ fucking love rave chicks. ‘Molly’ is their drug of choice ‘and’ makes them that much more likely to ‘fellacio’.”

      12 years ago at 7:31 pm
    2. SAEBrother

      ^^http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mali&defid=174418 you’re partially correct in your dissing of his grammar…

      12 years ago at 8:05 pm
  2. AndrewJacksonFaF

    Getting a handjob and the tugs are in sync with the dubstep in the background. TFM.

    12 years ago at 7:28 pm
  3. fratstarzcentral

    This is the worst column ever posted on this site. Have fun drinking Four Loko in the dorms with your GDI friends.

    12 years ago at 7:35 pm
    1. TrickleDown

      And complete sloots. Yes, we’ve established that festivals are 90% complete geeds. But that’s almost everywhere that you go, get the fuck over it try hards. They’re a great time and my ears are still ringing from Ultra.

      12 years ago at 8:09 pm
    2. Anonymous298817

      y’all are complaining about some of the hottest half naked girls you’ll ever see? um alright

      12 years ago at 2:03 pm
    3. iRage

      Please, try harder. Life is not completely about being FAF. It’s about experiencing things that you enjoy. If some of these are considered fratty, then more power to you, but there’s no problem with enjoying some awesome live music with people who share your interest.

      12 years ago at 10:42 pm
    4. Richard Head

      If your dick is itching for venereal disease, then try bringing home one of the guttersluts that frequent such events.

      12 years ago at 9:39 pm
  4. Lou Cox

    I fucking hate raves. Every time I go to one to enjoy some house music some hideous rave bitch who is rolling face tries to massage my head and some drugged out geed starts flashing his light up gloves in my face. No thank you.

    12 years ago at 7:56 pm