Germany Goes Back To Conducting Fucked Up Experiments, Brings Back Ancient Plague

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Scientist in Germany have pretty much declared war on the world after reconstructing the genome of an ancient plague that was responsible for the death of 25 million people 1,500 years ago.

FromCNN:

The pandemic, which was called the Justinian Plague after the sixth-century Byzantine emperor Justinian I, lasted to the mid-eighth century.

Now, researchers in Germany have sequenced the genome of the Y. pestis strain that they believe caused the Justinian Plague but hasn’t been seen since, according to a new study published in the journal Molecular Biology and Evolution on Tuesday.

I’m sorry, what? You’re bringing back the super bug that whipped out the entire planet and then mysteriously disappeared from existence in the eighth century?

“This study provides a better understanding of the history and the biology of the disease,” said Michal Feldman, a researcher at the Max Planck Institute and the University of Tubingen in Germany, who served as first author of the study.

“We still do not know why the Justinian plague suddenly vanished.”

You couldn’t just let it stay dead, could you? The bar was pretty high when it came to fucked up experiments in Germany, but you somehow found a way to raise it. You have murdered us all, you son of a bitch.

This is it, you guys. This is how we all go down. The Nazis were playing the long con right in front of our eyes, and we walked willingly right into their trap. This is their final solution. It wasn’t Wilhelm or Hitler that was the world’s demise, but some lab rat named Feldman.

I’ll get the cart ready.

[via CNN]

Image via Shutterstock

  1. thevaginator

    I’m pretty sure diabetes will kill your fat ass before this plague does.

    8 years ago at 5:39 pm
  2. The User Formerly Known as Frabst

    Whip those beefers out. Get your audience going big guy.

    8 years ago at 5:39 pm
      1. Planetoid – Planet + Asteroid, long but no girth or girth but short, theres an article topic for you writers maybe…now stay with me…brilliant idea…make it from a girl’s perspective. Now fuck you pay me.

        8 years ago at 8:35 pm
  3. Prestige worldwide

    The anger in this article is probably more due to the frustrating fact that it’s not quite lunch and not quite dinner, than the actual experiment

    8 years ago at 5:49 pm
  4. Big Richard

    What the fuck happened to this site? No more worthwhile content.

    Bring back old tfm!

    8 years ago at 6:56 pm
  5. JohnnieWalker_Blue

    Trying to compare someone with the last name of Feldman to a nazi……tough sell

    8 years ago at 9:43 am
  6. CrotchScotch

    Just because they sequenced the genome doesn’t mean they’ve brought it back, they just know the genetic code now. It never actually went away, it just hasn’t been causing disease on plague-like levels anymore. Glad to see college paid off for you Danny Regs.

    8 years ago at 3:02 pm