There’s A Gorilla Loose At The London Zoo And Oh God It’s Harambe All Over Again
According to reports, a gorilla has escaped its enclosure and is running loose at the London Zoo. I’m bracing myself for the worst.
So are these cops, because they’re strapped and not at all fucking around.
Scotland Yard has confirmed that they’ve sent police to zoo, which is located in London’s Regent Park.
Once can only imagine how this will end. When will we as a society finally learn from past tragedies!? This is just an innocent animal with superhuman strength that’s furious about being forced to spend its entire life in a small space while the people who imprisoned it point and laugh at it for things like routine genital and rectal maintenance. It’s not right to laugh at something for peeing in front of you when you force it to live in a glass box, dammit!
Just kidding, if I was one of those Bobbies walking around the zoo with an automatic weapon and that gorilla jumped out of a Dippin’ Dots cart and came charging at me I’d empty a clip in the fucker.
I hope that happens, actually. Exactly like that. I look forward to people trying to explain to the officer why it was cruel of him to not let the gorilla rip his arms off and beat him to death with them..
The gorilla was tranquilized and captured alive. But what kind of life is it that it’s going back to, really?
[via The Telegraph]
Fucking stop it.
10 years ago at 12:42 pmNot this shit again
10 years ago at 12:45 pmCome on, Robby; you can do better than this.
10 years ago at 12:45 pmIt’s a throwaway, and developing gorilla story. I’m not gonna Hemingway this fucking thing.
10 years ago at 12:48 pmA throwaway, just like boosh apparently. Gorilla stories were his territory.
10 years ago at 12:51 pmShut up Meg with a fucking Larry Bird three
10 years ago at 1:04 pmAll of your articles are throwaway
10 years ago at 12:52 pmI served with Ernie Hemingway. I knew Ernie Hemingway. Ernie Hemingway was a friend of mine. Bacon, you’re no Ernie Hemingway.
10 years ago at 12:54 pmNormally I’d say ‘fuck you’ and end it at that. Instead, I’m still going to say ‘fuck you’, but I respect your honesty.
10 years ago at 1:08 pmHow long until Rowdy Gentlemen start selling “RIP Gabe The Gorilla” shirts to pay for Bacon’s rampant “brose” addiction.
10 years ago at 12:47 pm#PrimateLivesMatter
10 years ago at 12:48 pmDidn’t that group protest at Mizzou?
10 years ago at 1:04 pmThey did. They were lead by their Jane Goodall, Melissa Click
10 years ago at 3:51 pmBring back the forums.
10 years ago at 12:49 pmI don’t know why you are getting lapped for this. Grandex has taken away everything we love.
10 years ago at 2:06 pmOur mid afternoon office poops deserve better
10 years ago at 4:29 pmI miss the forum days. Didn’t survive the great blackball of ’14 though.
10 years ago at 7:30 pm“I look forward to people trying to explain to the officer why it was cruel of him to not let the gorilla rip his arms off and beat him to death with them.”
It’s England, they support unarmed officers.
10 years ago at 12:50 pmI hope that gorilla power bangs your mom
10 years ago at 2:32 pm*** UPDATE*** #Breaking
Where’d they get that tranquilizer, Dorn? What kind of parties have you been having over at that “Dorn Ranch” of yours.
10 years ago at 1:03 pmUnfunny
10 years ago at 1:26 pmWe’ve already had a gorilla tragedy this week when you goons canned Dan.
10 years ago at 1:12 pmHe has more of a panda-like figure.
10 years ago at 1:26 pmBecause Dan has an ex-PANDA-ing waistline! Ha ha I’m going to put that on Facebook!
10 years ago at 3:29 pm“I’d empty a clip in the fucker” a clip? It’s a magazine for fuck’s sake.
10 years ago at 1:14 pmIt’s actually both, ya dumb fuck
10 years ago at 1:29 pmClip – a device that is used to store multiple rounds of ammunition together as a unit, ready for insertion into the magazine or cylinder of a firearm.
Get fucked retard.
10 years ago at 1:29 pmSo you could empty the clip…
10 years ago at 2:55 pmMagazine*
10 years ago at 3:22 pmWhat first world police department still uses clips? None of them.
I hate you.
10 years ago at 4:14 pm