Hero Father Runs Into Ocean, Punches Shark Into Oblivion, Saves Children

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In the most unbelievable, heroic, and selfless act of badassery committed in recent history, a man sprinted into the ocean and threw punches at a shark headed straight for a group of three children.

Patrick Thornton was chilling on the beach, probably cranking out a set of one-armed pushups or fixing his motorcycle or teaching inner-city youths how to do fractions. Just as he was about to crack a raw egg into his cup of straight vodka, he noticed a shark marauding the waters dangerously close to three children, including his son.

Our hero sprang into action, shouting “shark!” as he sprinted into the water and began dragging the kids to shore. As the shark closed in, he defended the helpless youngsters by squaring up to the mighty beast and throwing punches. The shark retreated, but not without taking chunks of Thornton’s ankle and lower back with it.

From ABC 13 News Now:

Monroe added, “He was punching at the shark. And to me, it was like he was doing everything he could to keep it from getting close to the kids.”

The kids got out of the water safely but the shark bit the man on his ankle and lower back. Monroe says the man was able to walk out of the water. That man is Charlotte resident Patrick Thornton. He told NBC Charlotte on Monday that hes’ walking slowly but the shark took a chunk of his leg.

“I thought he needed pressure so we got towels and they put the towels on him to keep pressure on the wounds,” said Monroe.

She added, “We were talking about what size we thought… the shark was so he was able to even kind of make a joke in light of it and I think that’s just good parenting, he just wanted to make sure that his little boy knew he was OK.”

What a fucking stud. Not only did he sacrifice life and limb, but as he was bleeding out on the beach, he laughed at the situation to comfort his kid. I imagine him lying there in the sand, a rescue helicopter whirring overhead, when his son runs up to him.

“Daddy, Daddy!”

“I’m okay, son … you should see the other guy.”

That’s the kind of shit that only happens in Bruce Willis movies.

There have been seven shark attacks along the Carolina coast in three weeks, including another one that occurred just this afternoon. Scientists say a number of environmental factors have made North Carolina home to the “perfect storm” for shark activity this summer.

A member of Phi Delta Theta at the University of Central Florida cold cocked a black tip shark earlier this year. Shark fights are so hot right now.

[via ABC 13 News Now]

Image via Shutterstock

    1. SharkWeekTFM

      A fucking hero this man is. Never mistake my comedy or advocation of sharks as dismissive of legitimate situations like this. Sharks are important but I’d punch just about anything if I had a kid on the line.

      Honestly, I’m too drunk to say much else. So at the risk of diminishing this man’s bravery I will just say: I hope you will be able to see the things I have ready for Shark Week in just a couple days. Not feeling like “Diary of a Shark Pledge Educator” is quite up to snuff just yet, but I haven’t been working on it quite as long. “Shark Romance Novel” may be too great to compare it to so only time will tell I guess.

      10 years ago at 5:27 pm
  1. BillyBomber

    Gotta figure out some way to work shark fighting into next semester’s pledge ed.

    10 years ago at 3:26 pm
    1. Nigel Fratters

      Get the pledges shark costumes. Throw a bunch of chum in a kid’s pool and have them run into each other until one of them exhausts and goes belly up. Maybe hang them by their feet and take a trophy picture after it’s done. I’m just spit-balling here.

      10 years ago at 3:52 pm
      1. Frabst

        “That shark was a dad trying to feed his young. Who are we to say that human lives should trump that of one of the oldest species on earth.”

        10 years ago at 3:32 pm
  2. General_Longstreet

    What we need is some analysis from Sharkweektfm. Also, can’t wait for his romance novel

    10 years ago at 3:30 pm
  3. Antebellum_Fratting

    Very clever. Adding that a fraternity member was involved in a shark-related incident to make it relevant to the readership of this site.

    10 years ago at 3:43 pm
  4. PeeingOnLiberals

    He was about to get outta them child support payments but no he had to fucking punch it. Children. NF. Death. Frat

    10 years ago at 3:54 pm