Humans vs. Zombies VS. Everyone Else

In their quest to fill the countless hours left in their days by their lack of social lives, GDIs have found yet another solution to simultaneously entertain themselves and embarrass everyone else around them: Humans vs. Zombies. The name might sound like a B-rated horror flick, but we couldn’t be quite that lucky. For those fortunate few that are unacquainted with this organized douchery, Humans vs. Zombies, or HVZ to the tools that participate, is a game of tag involving identifying armbands. Geeds are either a human or a zombie and nerf guns are used to “tag” the human or zombie. Now this is shameful enough for 20 something year olds to play in the privacy of their own homes but, on an SEC campus in the middle of the day? Go fuck yourselves.

I don’t know what kind of misguided vision of social acceptability this game came from, but from the looks of the people who play it, it definitely makes sense. As part of the in depth research I performed in the name of journalism (looking at the website) I came across some incredibly “inspirational” testimonials. There were a few videos of guys resembling Emo band groupies professing the incredible impact HVZ has had on their lives. I’m talking about deeply emotional descriptions of the bonds of brotherhood and togetherness that this game has had on their lives. No joke someone actually talked for 5 fucking minutes about that. How is your life so terrible that the most important thing in it is the game of tag you play with all of your virgin friends? But, by far the worst expression of devotion to this adult game of tag is the Humans vs Zombies themed wedding. There’s must be something about nerf gun toting d-bags in tuxedos that just screams holy matrimony.

This game seems to attract a very distinct demographic. The first time I saw it this year I assumed that the Occupy Wall street crowd had gone vigilante and had just been too liberal to buy guns. I was wrong, but not really. I’d like to see a venn-diagram of HVZ and Occupy Wall Street. I’m assuming that it would only be one circle titled “99%”. But, there is one concerning aspect to this whole thing. The GDIs have mobilized and left the sanctity of their Mountain Dew fueled gamer caves. It’s only a matter of time before they organize against us. Well, I guess it’s not that scary. It’s not like there’s scores of great leaders being built on fantasy nerf gun battlefields.

Since many universities have condoned the activity there is only one hope to end the scourge. As the Occupy movement spreads to college campus around the country it is probable that’s these two groups will come into close contact with one another and that’s just what we need. If they get close enough together the aura of failed dreams and self-loathing that surrounds them will inevitably collide and the cloud of mediocrity that erupts will kill them all instantly. Theoretically, of course. But seriously, fuck these guys.

  1. The Piker

    I just looked at the pictures, but failed to read the article. Anyone want to summarize it for me?

    13 years ago at 3:57 pm
  2. TotalKappaError

    Oh this is just a GDI thing? Then why the hell did I see Ohio State TKE doing this shit last week?

    13 years ago at 4:00 pm
    1. Bernanke is a Hebe

      Your name is too grand to be true. TKE is an error. This man is certainly trolling.

      13 years ago at 11:41 pm
    2. Tallapoosa Snu

      No, TKE had signs for a humans vs zombies event thing on campus at my school. TKE really does just suck that much. Wish I got a picture.

      13 years ago at 4:56 pm
    1. AlphaWolf

      Getting your brothers in the 11th Marine Expeditionary Unit to eliminate the tangos.

      13 years ago at 4:32 pm
    2. funkyd04

      ^^ TCharlesWhitmanM I wouldn’t mind playing that game though. Just for shits, i’ll get my .338 lapua magnum and see how many i can knock out with one bullet.

      13 years ago at 4:37 pm
    3. grassy_knoll

      ^ Based on your poor capitalization, I am guessing you would only knock one out. But that is kind of pussy for a .338. Knocking people out? Really? Take a lap.

      13 years ago at 9:37 am
    4. funkyd04

      Um taking things a bit literal are we? I think they have a sale on razor blades down the street. Go treat yourself.

      13 years ago at 3:47 pm
  3. Adolf Fratler

    Who cares if these guy run around on campus like dumbasses? It’s a free country. I think it’s pretty damn gay, and would never partake in it, but I respect their freedom to run around like tools.

    13 years ago at 4:30 pm
    1. WtF_

      Then unless you’re trying to be ironic, maybe you should think about a different username. Seriously though, I completely agree. This is probably one of the gayest things I’ve ever heard of but I don’t give a shit what these losers do as long as it doesn’t inconvenience me.

      13 years ago at 4:43 pm
    2. Fratural Light

      Couldn’t agree more. They like to do shit like this just as much as we like to frat our fucking faces off.

      13 years ago at 5:13 pm
    3. Accepted_to Fill U

      Ya’ll say its no big deal until your walking around campus and your forced to watch the douche baggery firsthand.

      13 years ago at 12:31 am
  4. Haze Em

    The fact that you took time out of your day to post an article degrading people who pose absolutely no threat to you (not saying I approve of what they do) and who you believe are lower than you on the social ladder, proves that you probably “left the sanctity of your Mountain Dew fueled gamer cave” to type this. And the fact that I am taking time out of my day to post this comment proves that I “left the sanctity of my Mountain Dew fueled gamer cave” to type this article. So hey, everyone’s a winner.

    13 years ago at 4:40 pm
    1. HunkerDownDawgs

      Guys name is John Bosarge. He’s a Pike and got his ass beat by a crowd of them. He had the black eye to prove it.

      13 years ago at 1:43 pm
  5. TotalKillerEpsilon

    I think everyone’s panicked in the first picture because that’s clearly a black man running at them.

    13 years ago at 9:42 am
    1. TotalKillerEpsilon

      Not too sure on the rules but if I saw a black guy running at me like that I’d get defensive too

      13 years ago at 10:55 am
    2. TotalKillerEpsilon

      Indeed I do, I also get super drunk off one beer seeing as I’m in TKE and can’t drink worth a shit and I’m super awkward and creepy around girls.

      13 years ago at 12:48 pm