I Never Want to Tailgate at Indiana University

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Indiana University, which once resided at the top of Playboy’s list of party schools, has now made tailgating for any of their Hoosier’s home games about as fun as tailgating at a convent, for a funeral, by BANNING handles of hard liquor at the tailgate field.

A GDI in Frat Clothing, IFC Vice President of Communications William Kragie says that the banning of handles of liquor was done in an attempt to “re-brand the Greek experience at IU.” Yeah…by turning it into a bullshit one. Apparently, the presence of handles upon handles of cheap grain liquor on the tailgate field was considered a “dangerous tailgate practice.” Are you kidding me? The only thing you’re in danger of while tailgating is a good time. I mean, yeah, maybe you can black out, but over all…the point of tailgating is to get incredibly rowdy with your pair and heckle everyone. Does IU seriously expect their students to do this on beer alone?

Dean of Students Harold Goldsmith said that the traditional tailgate experience, “wasn’t a very positive atmosphere…I was asked what would improve the image of the greek community on-campus.”

Apparently, last year during the first two weeks of IU’s football season, 99 excise tickets were issued to inebriated Greeks.

Only 99? For a school that boasts over 40,000 students, I think IU should try harder to get rowdy.

Consequences for violating the no handles rule will include police intervention. Oh, and apparently recycling receptables are being placed on tailgating fields to encourage students to recycle their shotgunned beer cans.

Has the Big 10 been taken over by hippie geeds? Is this a sick joke? Tailgating is a rite of passage. It’s an event of paramount importance to any college student’s career. Apparently, Indiana can’t even look forward to a mediocre football game anymore.

Let’s all do an extra pull from our vodka handles this weekend in memory of the liberal arts college formerly known as Indiana University.

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    1. Bows_and_Toes_Pussys

      ^^ Don’t embarrass our conference by with your bottom tier football program chant… HAIL STATE!

      12 years ago at 10:34 am
    1. Presidents Son

      ^^Skull fuck yourself with your dead grandfather’s left testicle on the end of a rusty skewer.

      12 years ago at 9:08 am
  1. futureleader14

    At least IU still has tailgate. At Duke, the administration banned tailgate altogether, and everyone’s pissed.

    12 years ago at 9:15 pm
    1. Tallapoosa Snu

      They probably just realized nobody goes to Duke football games and “banned” it as an excuse to save face and stop people from realizing nobody went in the first place.

      12 years ago at 9:37 pm
    2. futureleader14

      The administration banned tailgate to take a moralistic stance against alcohol’s excesses. Snu, I wish the reason were as practical as that, but the fact is that some cheerleader brought her dumb, 15-year-old brother to tailgate, got him drunk, got herself drunk, and let him pass out in a porta-potty.

      12 years ago at 12:11 am
    3. dukenavalhistorians

      yeah, this ‘new tailgate’ thing is some bullshit. Larry Moneta can go fucking die

      12 years ago at 12:33 am
    4. dukenavalhistorians

      *Duke. I never understood why UNC students insisted on spelling it ‘Dook.’ It just seems to reaffirm that whole we’re smart/you’re not thing

      12 years ago at 6:58 pm
    5. high kapp

      It’s because dook is what we call a piece of shit. I would have to explain it to one of you fucks.

      12 years ago at 12:45 am
  2. SGT Fratastic

    Don’t fifths work just as well? You may have to get two or three of them but it is still the same liquor.

    12 years ago at 9:35 pm
    1. BroswickStew

      ^Easy there man, don’t go mind fucking them. They’re working with Indiana logic.

      12 years ago at 10:41 am
    2. Animal Crackers

      No glass containers are allowed for anyone. Most (not all) fifths are sold in glass containers.

      12 years ago at 8:12 pm
    3. brostock

      I’d say it’s even easier to find plastic handles than it is plastic fifths. Did they ban glass and handles or just glass?

      12 years ago at 7:43 pm
  3. VisorVision

    Liquor is technically banned for everyone at our tailgates. Doesn’t stop us from getting shit housed. Get the fuck over it and get plastered

    12 years ago at 10:34 pm