I Will Pummel You If You Talk Shit About My Pledge Brothers

I Will Pummel You If You Talk Shit About My Pledge Brothers

I’ll never forget my bid day, my first foray into the life of a pledge. All 39 of the new guys packed into the living room of one of the actives’ houses. I knew a few guys from rush parties, but they only comprised a small percentage of who was standing in front of me. Our pledge master came roaring through the door and barked out the orders that we had five minutes to know every one of our pledge brothers’ names and hometowns or else. He walked out, and that’s when the bonding began.

I didn’t just get to know everything about all of my new brothers over that next five minutes, of course, but over the next four months we would all grow to become something even closer than friends, something that no one can take away from us. We all had each other’s backs. Whether it was taking down the fat girl so another brother could close on her hot friend (shout out to you (name redacted) for being the real MVP) or covering for each other when it came to campus cops or actives, you always knew you could count on your pledge brothers. This is one of the biggest reasons I can give for why students should join a fraternity. Not for the parties (no matter how awesome they may be), the girls, the postgrad network, or the intramurals — but that fact that you are going to be making lifelong friends who will be there for you until you die (for me, it’ll probably be around 50 when my self-destructive lifestyle finally catches up to me).

It’s for this reason that I would go to war for these boys any day of the year. Just a few weeks ago, that almost came true. One of my pledge brothers, who happens to be African-American, posted some screenshots of some redneck piece of trash messaging him on Facebook calling him derogatory names — solely because my pledge brother made a comment on some Facebook page. My brother didn’t respond with hate, either. No, he is as classy as they come, and merely fired back a nice little message, only to be met with more derogatory terms. I wanted to hunt this dude down and punch him square in the eyes because I knew he would do the same for me should the situation arise.

That brings me to my main point: we are a small army and we will stand up for each other no matter what. We all talk shit to one another amongst our group of friends because that’s just how all of us are. And, don’t get me wrong, we dish it just as bad as we take it because that’s just how friendship works. But, when an outsider comes in and disrespects one of ours, then we will come at them like George Patton taking on Rommel in northern Africa.

Are there some guys that you may not like in your pledge class? Sure there are, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to defend them to the death against some stupid fuck. The camaraderie that is built over the length of your pledgeship is something that cannot be broken. These guys will be there for you, even if you guys only hung out at social events or on the intramural field.

So, if you’re going to come at one of my pledge brothers, you better be prepared to get your ass pummeled.

  1. Fratam_Wainwright

    There is a fine line between me calling my pledge brothers a bunch of degenerate alcoholics and someone else doing it

    9 years ago at 2:19 pm
  2. D3Starter

    You seem like a good guy but I don’t think I’ve enjoyed any of your articles.

    9 years ago at 2:50 pm
  3. ThePatternIsFull

    You and your pledge brothers are the result of the failed condom crisis of the late 80s- mid 90s. You should’ve ended up being flushed down the toilet, but you resilient fucks fought off spermicidal lubricant and swam through a tiny tear, a fraction of the size of a human hair. To put it shortly, your pledge brothers and you are accidents. All of you. Now, come and find me and “pummel me.”

    9 years ago at 4:20 pm
  4. RAAALLPPHH

    PLOT TWIST: Dan is roided out and he had access to Harrisons computer and spitballed this P.O.S.

    9 years ago at 5:49 pm