In Defense Of A Cheap Beer: Beer-30 Light

Jared Borislow11 years ago

Being in a fraternity entails many things. It means you carelessly throw your money around even though it’s really your parents’ hard earned cash, you invite girls up to your room to “take shots” and see your empty aquarium, and you make sure everybody knows that your fraternity is top house, and, if not top, definitely top 3…top tier for sure. Upper middle. Middle. Whatever, shut up, you’re already here lady. Another important quality of a fraternity man is his attitude towards beer: you appreciate a fine craft brew but prefer drinking a barley soda of the light and cheap variety. In this series I attempt to defend the latter from the Negative Nancys that are talking shit on beer review sites. And let me tell you, some of these guys are real jerks about it.

This week’s defendant is Beer-30 Light, a light lager brewed in La Crosse, Wisconsin. Their upbeat motto is “Anytime is the right time!” When you look at the price you’re forced to agree. At around twelve dollars a rack, Beer-30 has managed to provide beer at a dirt-cheap price. Apparently the company is able to do this by spending almost no money on advertising. This lack of marketing allows for cheaper overall operating costs, creating savings that they then pass onto their cheapo college student market.

My crackhead uncle thinks Beer-30 Light is “the Stein Mart of beers.” Sadly, not all reviewers have been raving about this nectar of the gods as much as I assume my Uncle Phil was with that cryptic review.

Originally purchased by a *thrifty* member of my college fraternity for a party, it was deemed unfit for beer-pong beer. Beer30 Light has become the stuff of legends – dark, terrible legends – in our social group. – Aadam, beeradvocate.com

First off, it’s Beer-30 Light. You’re forgetting the dash. You wouldn’t call him Joseph GordonLevitt, would you? Secondly, you guys sound bottom tier. I assume by “social group” you mean “social club,” which is probably the official status of your fraternity as far as your university is concerned.

Appearance – It would do Beer30 Light a disservice to just say “urine,” as its color is a shade paler and foamier than that. Phantom urine, perhaps. There is an ethereal quality to the brew that makes one pause before drinking, in respect. – Aadam, beeradvocate.com

You used a lot of big words here, bub. What I got out of this is that you pause out of respect before downing a Beer-30 Light. I can appreciate that.

Contrary to what they believe, it is a never a good time – BTFU, beeradvocate.com

You completely got the motto wrong, numbskull. What an uninformed comment. Also, contrary to what you probably believe, you type like you are speaking in an Italian accent.

This beer was purchased in a 30-pack because It was the absolute cheapest beer in the store, and I was a college student just wanting to play drinking games. – BenHesk12, beeradvocate.com

“I was a college student just wanting to play drinking games.” #ShitGeedsSay

Tastes like Busch light, but weaker. At the same time, there’s a hint of grape. I have no idea how it got there. – tylerprince, beeradvocate.com

I’ll tell you how it got there, guy: good ol’ fashioned grit and determination from the hardworking brewery employees of Melanie Brewing Co. in La Crosse, Wisconsin. Either that or you were having a stroke. I hope you died.

I thought this was grape soda when I pulled it out of my boss’s cooler.
I gagged and gagged and gagged. Normally I like perrier, but this tasted like perrier and asparagus pee. You know how your pee smells after you eat a ton of asparagus? Thats what this smells and tastes like. – jkanavel, beeradvocate.com

Gagging after taking a sip of beer. NF.
Asparagus. NF.
Smelling your pee after you eat asparagus. TNFTC.
Also, B30L apparently has hints of grape according to the stroke victim above, so you weren’t too far off. Another point to be made is that you wanted to drink a grape soda. You have terrible taste sir. Your review of B30L is completely invalidated. Fuck you.

It has alcohol (possibly unrefined ethonol(sic)) so if you drink enough of it you might forget you’re drinking Beer30 Light and just choke on your own vomit and die. – jkanavel, beeradvocate.com

I can’t really argue with that one.

Bought this beer as a joke this Thanksgiving. Without a doubt the worst beer I have ever tasted. As a matter of fact, you should try this. Because nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is this gross. One of my friends tried to shotgun one and failed miserably. His dog, who had consumed a fair amount of beer off the floor the previous night, wouldn’t touch the spillage. – tylerprince, beeradvocate.com

Your friend’s an NF dweeb and his dog is a pussy. I hope they both die.

The reviews weren’t all bad, however. One completely and totally unbiased user offered his thoughts on the beverage.

Only give Beer 30 a try if your in the mood for an excellent beer and enjoy being in a state of nirvana. – MarkfromWisconsin, beeradvocate.com

While there are a slew of asshole reviewers, one user, Pegasus, sums up the whole idea behind Beer-30 light in his review.

Drinkability/notes: An average example of the style. At sixty-nine cents a can, it is hard to complain.

I do not know what market is price gouging B30L for the ridiculously high price of sixty-nine cents a can, but nonetheless…

Beer-30 Light costing 69 cents a can. It’s a TFM.

Give it a try, guys. And if for some reason you don’t like it, just give it to the girls.