Interviewing The High School Hero Rushee

Alex Keating9 years ago

The rush interview is often times the single most important event in determining who will get a bid and who will be sitting alone in their dorms and getting drunk off of Mike’s Hard for the rest of the semester. No matter how many reminders are splattered over social media saying that the interview attire is business formal, there is always one kid who thinks that wearing the physical embodiment of his high school athletics career will surely impress the fraternity so much that they will just have to give him a bid.

The first thing to remember when interviewing a person like this is that whether you like it or not, his high school athletic achievements will be the key focal point of the entire conversation. Hell, it will probably be the first and only thing he brings up. The only positive thing about this situation for you, aside from the fact that you get a nice laugh out of it, is that the interview is essentially effortless. All you have to do is pose the question, “So, tell me about yourself,” and off he will go. If he wants to give you a full analytical breakdown of his stats from his senior season, let him, a train like that is nearly impossible to stop once it gets going. If he attempts to show you his highlight reel, however, take all means necessary to cut him off before he presses play.

The next thing you have to remember is that he actually believes that you care just as much as he does about the fact that he rushed for three touchdowns in their Thanksgiving Day rivalry game last year. By all means, zone out, be sure that you throw in a few nods, a few “wows,” and maybe even a few “holy shits,” just to avoid there being any dead air in the one-sided conversation. Don’t worry, even if your occasional interjection may sound disinterested, or even just downright sarcastic, his false perception of his own athletic greatness allows him to block out any sort of commentary or opinion that suggests otherwise.

Luckily for you, high school only lasts four years, therefore he may actually end up running out of heroic, game-winning plays to tell you about, but don’t think you are out of the woods just yet. If and when this does occur, he will then turn to a new page in his life story, one that is sure to fascinate and captivate you even more: how he could have played in college. Whether you ask him or not, he will proceed to tell you about how he was recruited to play at some random school, which you’re not sure is Division III or even exists, but nevertheless, you throw in a half-impressed eyebrow raise just so he knows that you both admire and appreciate the goldmine of information that he has given you, as well as his fantastic storytelling ability.

Having talked about nothing of substance, or anything related to the fraternity, for that matter, it is at this point in the conversation where it is appropriate to take over and kindly ask him if he has any final questions and dismiss him from the table. You may hear him mention how he is “really stoked for intramurals to start,” to which you should give a smile and nod, but dude you really have nothing to be stoked about, other than not getting a bid. It’s time to retire the letterman jacket and find our big boy clothes. High school is over..

Image via YouTube