IPA Beer Causes Man Boobs By Filling You With Estrogen, Which Explains Why Hipsters Are Pussies
If hipsters keep sipping IPAs, it will soon become difficult for them to look down on people through their non-prescription glasses as a growing set of massive man tits will obstruct their line of sight. A groundbreaking scientific reveal tells us India Pale Ales are threatening to rip the buttons off their leather vests and expose their ample male bosoms.
The news was broken by Munchies, which is the food branch of the VICE network, the bible of all things hipster. Notice how he starts the article with, “Not many people know this …”
From Munchies:
Not many people know this, but those hops in your favorite IPA are actually wonderful medicine for insomnia and menopause, thanks to their high phytoestrogen content. These same phytoestrogens, however, might be less desirable for men, as indicated by the common condition known among brewers as Brewer’s Droop.
Yes, you read that right: Hops are giving men man boobs.
Hipsters love IPAs. IPAs are extremely hoppy. Hops fills you with an estrogen-like compound. Hipsters are pussies. The world makes a little more sense.
This means if regular people drink IPAs, they run the risk of turning into hipsters. Don’t think it can’t happen to you. You’ll down a Lagunitas thinking, “Ah, this has way more flavor than a Bud Light.” Next thing you know, you’ll be knitting a sweater in the corner of the bar while your boy pokes your man boobs and asks for a glass of milk.
There you have it. The more you bring an IPA to your lips, the harder it will be to do so with all that extra tit meat restricting your arm movement. It’s best to steer clear of the substance all together.
On the other hand, ladies looking to graduate a cup size could really benefit from making the switch. Order an IPA, get bigger tits, then get free IPAs and even bigger tits..
[via Munchies]
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Saw this yesterday on PGP. There’s not enough estrogen in the beer to give you man boobs.
9 years ago at 4:31 pmThis article was written to focus people on drinking Bud, which just paid TFM to advertise an article.
9 years ago at 4:31 pmHaving good taste. NF, evidently.
9 years ago at 5:01 pmJust drink your Coors Banquet tall boys & get back to work. Simple.
9 years ago at 5:01 pmHow convenient that the beer that’s starting to beat Budweiser makes you a bitch…
9 years ago at 5:18 pmI’m glad they do such hard hitting research at grandex
9 years ago at 5:36 pmHere’s some real research that debunks this manboob bullshit:
http://press.endocrine.org/doi/10.1210/jcem.84.6.5887
tl;dr: The level of phytoestrogens in beer is way too low to cause any detrimental health effects. In fact, moderate consumption of these compounds has been linked to decreased likelihood of certain cancers, as well as cardiovascular disease.
Boosh, I expect better from you.
9 years ago at 5:52 pmHere’s hoping it’s only IPAs. I graduated from water beer “Bud light, coors light, miller lite” when I hit turned 21 two years ago.
9 years ago at 6:02 pmI only drink beer that has been to space. Natty and Coors. space approved.
9 years ago at 8:42 pmAs a member of a fraternity, I find it very disrespectful to call hipsters pussies. They are way more cultured and globally aware than most of us frat members. At my school I am in a “hipster” frat but we still frat hard like we drink lots of beer and “mess around” with girls. We give the Greek community a good reputation, because we don’t look down on others for their different sexualities, appearances, preferences ect. I think it’s time that us Greeks look ourselves in the mirror and say maybe I will stop being so ignorant and explore the world with more color.
9 years ago at 8:48 pmSurely your not a hipster because no hipster would ever own up to being a hipster. Just sayin
9 years ago at 9:49 pmYou don’t look down on others for being different, apparently you just pee on them.
9 years ago at 10:38 pm