Johnny Football Is Spiraling Out Of Control

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Johnny Manziel is like a friend getting to that “Oh fuck should we call his parents or something?” point of awkwardness where you know it’s a total fucking disaster, but what exactly can anyone do? This past weekend at Coachella, Manziel did not seem especially bothered, violating his agent’s ultimatum of “get help now,” resulting in his subsequent contract termination with super agent Drew Rosenhaus. Manziel, the Heisman Trophy winner and nightmare character in Nick Saban’s dreams, once vowed to former Browns GM Ray Farmer he would “wreck this league,” but now seems to only be intent on wrecking himself.

While in the past Manziel’s exploits have mostly been comparable to the largely innocent antics of your average friend with a seven-figure salary and nine-figure trust, things have turned decidedly more troublesome. Photographed alone in a ball pit looking noticeably disheveled, Manziel was reportedly “stumbling through VIP dancing and sweating alone.” Perhaps most startling is the drastic apparent change in Manziel’s appearance, dramatically highlighted in pictures of his day two attire showing a gaunt, pale, and seemingly 20-30 pounds lighter Manziel attending the Post Malone performance.

Manziel, perhaps in a moment of clarity, realizing who he still is, did, however, crash the Kardashian/Jenner/Disick table, reportedly pouring himself drinks from the reality stars’ bottles without so much as a “hello.” Drunkenly hijacking alcohol at the table for the most famous people there. TFM. Aside from this momentary “fun Johnny” antic, Johnny Football rivaled only Courtney Love in the competition for saddest celebrity life derailed, with both supposedly incoherent for much of the festival.

Now without representation, Manziel’s chances at a training camp invite, which will begin as early as next month, continue to dwindle, as does my hope to some day wear my #2 Browns jersey for anything more than an ironic chuckle.

Image via YouTube

    1. Siblings of Mark Wahlberg

      Yes and no. Until today the biggest agent in the business repped him, so clearly some pretty important people still believe (or did until very recently.) He’s still only 23, clean up, go to the CFL and earn your way back to the league. He’s too marketable and talented to be “history” this quickly.

      8 years ago at 1:32 pm
      1. djg

        Leaf had plenty of problems, but the size to play QB in the NFL and the physical talent to go #2 overall in the draft was not one of them.

        Manziel had the same problems as Leaf and lacked the physical size and talent.

        8 years ago at 4:43 pm
  1. Saber and Key

    At first his antics and everything were funny and entertaining, now it’s just sad. Dude needs to get some serious help.

    8 years ago at 1:21 pm
    1. Rihanna Deserved It

      Our shenanigans are cheeky and fun.. His shenanigans are cruel and tragic.

      8 years ago at 3:52 pm
    2. House Degenerate

      On an ironic note: the ad that came up on my phone as I clicked this article was for Passages Malibu. Targeted advertising at its best.

      8 years ago at 7:56 pm
  2. Netflix and Pills

    His life is collapsing so fast I wouldn’t be surprised to see him writing a TFM article next week

    8 years ago at 1:32 pm
    1. Saint FratricksDay

      I agree, even though this article was not half bad, the Dorn tweet threw me off

      8 years ago at 4:05 pm
      1. WestCoastTexan

        How dare you defile such a superb comment with your passive conformity

        8 years ago at 4:33 pm
  3. _Five_oclock_somewhere_

    This article was pointless except for that Twitter pic, he looks terrible

    8 years ago at 1:36 pm
  4. ThePatternIsFull

    Personally, I think this is hilarious. That little shit is getting what was coming to him for a very long time. The only issue is that he is too fucking stupid to realize what is happening. It’ll hit him like a ton of bricks though when the repo men come for him

    8 years ago at 1:42 pm
    1. GoodbyeNormalStreet

      Repo men? Him and his family are loaded. I don’t think anything about it is funny though, regardless of what you think about him as a human being.

      8 years ago at 10:57 pm
  5. Fratcinnati

    I’ve never gotten the infatuation with Manziel. Hopefully he can get some help and get his life together.

    8 years ago at 1:46 pm