Johnny Manziel Is Reportedly Going Sober Despite A Surfaced Picture That Appears To Show A Ton Of Coke In His Vicinity

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Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. On Tuesday afternoon, Tony Montana Manziel hopped on a commercial flight from Houston to Cabo San Lucas for what could only be described as a vacation from vacation. I don’t think the kid has been in a weight room since 2015, and that receding hairline is only getting worse from the constant drug use and total lack of sleep. Every time he pops up in the news, he’s in Los Angeles or Vegas telling a reporter he’s “just having fun” and “everything is going to work out.”

Look, I get it. Everyone needs a break from the bright lights of Vegas, L.A., and Cleveland — they’re exhausting cities to live in. They’re all cesspools in their own right that can make even make a seasoned party veteran like Johnny Football get tired. Anyone who doesn’t understand that Cabo is better than any city in the U.S. clearly has never done nose coffee south of the border. It’s cheaper. It’s purer. It’s just better when you’re sitting poolside with 20 other people who were willing to rent a mansion under the assumption that Manziel, or someone from his entourage, would be footing the bill for blowcaine the entirety of the trip.

Everyone is talking about this guy. If he dies this weekend, he dies. According to TMZ, Johnny’s not doing any drugs in Mexico and he’s going completely sober starting July 1st. So good news, guys. He’ll probably be slinging the pill for an NFL team come August. I wouldn’t worry about it.

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Image via YouTube

  1. Theta_Theta

    Johnny don’t die in the pre going sober blowout that’s not how the future 30 for 30 should end

    10 years ago at 6:00 pm
  2. MuffMcFluff

    Does anybody else leave a line of sweat where the ass crack was after yankin the hose? Asking for a friend…

    10 years ago at 6:05 pm
  3. TheEmperor

    We all joke and it’s fun and whatnot but this kid is going down the rabbit hole at a very quick clip – he needs help and patting in Mexico is not the solution. I like to make fun of Jamarcus Russell but he’s taking it to a level I’m not comfortable with …

    10 years ago at 6:07 pm
  4. Theta High

    In all seriousness, if you know someone that is going through what johnny is, give him a hand. He has very shitty friends if they just keep enabling him knowing he has a problem.

    10 years ago at 6:31 pm
    1. StoryTeller

      I agree. Even his parents suck. His dad’s last quote “I don’t even know what to say…I guess my son is an alcoholic”. That’s the support every kid needs……..

      10 years ago at 7:50 pm
      1. Chef_Curry

        Actually his dad said he hopes Johnny ends up in jail to hopefully set him straight. I mean he is an adult there is only so much parents can do at that point.

        10 years ago at 9:04 pm
    2. TheGreatCornholio

      I have a feeling the people he’s with know are not his actual friends. His actual friends are probably at a loss, much like his father, Paul. I mean they’ve tried everything. He escaped from a rehab facility and has the money to outrun his family. The best solution for him now is jail time. Or maybe he has a death wish. Who knows. Such a sad story.

      10 years ago at 9:33 am
  5. Gun_Slinger

    He should finish his degree while he’s working to get back in the league. Ya know, just in case that doesn’t work out…

    10 years ago at 7:01 pm
    1. SigEpOB

      The last article about him made a lot of sense. I don’t think he’s planning on going back to football at all. He clearly loves partying more and with social media nowadays, you can make good money off it

      10 years ago at 6:45 am
  6. Arctic

    I’m sorry but the guys a druggie and a loser. He’s got God-given talent and throwing it all away for a little party dust and nights he’ll never remember

    10 years ago at 7:37 pm
    1. FkAUsrNm

      To be honest his “God-given talent” raised red flags by NFL scouters. At best he would probably would be playing backup for his whole career. While not a bad position he’s pretty much already set with family money+endorsements, etc. If I were him I would probably be going on the same drug-fueled binge. Unfortunately the media is super over-hyped on him and he can’t get away with anything meanwhile I could probably skate by with my 2.0 GPA and still have/make enough money to live my life enjoyably.

      10 years ago at 11:22 pm