Texans Rookie Gets Stuck With $16K Dinner Bill, Almost 4% Of His Annual Salary
The MLB can do what it wants when it comes to telling veterans how to haze their rookies. Dressing up as a woman hurts for a day, but getting a massive dinner bill dropped on you hurts the bank account much, much longer. That’s why NFL players have the best rookie hazing traditions around.
On Monday, Houston Texans rookie safety KJ Dillon took his veterans out for a nice dinner, one that he probably regrets going on after they racked up a $16,000-plus tab.
Yes, that’s a lot of Hennessy (I’ll come back to that in a moment), but who the hell are the two boners who ordered the macaroni pasta for $7.95?! You realize you’re at a classy restaurant and the rookie is paying for everything, correct? Anything under $20 better be a goddamn side item and even that’s pushing it.
Looking at the receipt, many quality choices: broiled Atlantic salmon, filet mignon, bacon-wrapped scallops. Veteran mindset on and off the field. However, I hope to sweet baby Jesus (happy early birthday, my guy) that the Hennessy Pardis Imperial shots came with after-dinner sex or something. I love liquor as much as the next guy, but for $350 a pop, that shit better make me cum and cum hard.
Dillon, currently on IR, is in the first year of a four-year, $2.5 million deal since getting drafted in the fifth round out of West Virginia. He’s definitely not poor, but definitely not the highest-paid NFL athlete, so this meal took a toll especially since contract years don’t mean jack shit in the NFL.
Dillon’s 2016 base salary is $450,000. This bill equates to 3.6% of his annual salary. In other terms, this bill is the equivalent of $1,806 to a person earning 50k. Yikes..
They pay you guys $50k!?!?
9 years ago at 10:24 amI’m guessing macaroni pasta = mac and cheese, dip shit.
9 years ago at 10:26 amBrian Hoyer sucks.
9 years ago at 10:26 amAre you suggesting the Texans go the MLB route and jerk him off instead?
9 years ago at 10:29 amI dont care if that filet mignon was wrapped in chrissy teigans’ snatch…$53 is a ripoff. You got got.
9 years ago at 10:29 amIs a filet mignon wrapped in Chrissy Teigen’s snatch available for purchase anywhere?
9 years ago at 10:42 amFigure Dorn doesn’t like anything that has aged…
9 years ago at 10:51 amA 12-ounce filet from Pappas Steak House is definitely worth $53.
9 years ago at 11:09 am100% false. You clearly have never enjoyed life’s finer meats.
9 years ago at 2:47 pmI enjoyed your sister. Does that count?
9 years ago at 2:53 pmHe said “finer.”
9 years ago at 3:20 pmI thought you were just some nouveau riche try hard, at first. Thank you for commenting enough to validate the fact that your just some, poor cuck who thinks the family’s annual trips to Olive Garden and Red Lobster are lavish.
9 years ago at 3:02 pm*you’re
9 years ago at 3:39 pmThanks, SP. America and I couldn’t do it without you.
9 years ago at 4:07 pmGod you suck.
9 years ago at 10:27 pmDespite this column being short it was incredibly boring.
9 years ago at 10:34 amImagine a 15% tip of that sucker
9 years ago at 10:35 amMinimum of 20%, you poor
9 years ago at 2:51 pmI never tip more than 10%.
9 years ago at 5:30 pmFound the AEPi.
9 years ago at 7:41 pmBreakdown for those of you who were wondering about the math.
9 years ago at 7:58 pm10%: $1,622.52
15%: $2,433.78
20%: $3,245.04
That’s one happy fucking server no matter how you tip.
20% is expected.
9 years ago at 8:18 pmChances of a black guy tipping appropriately = 0%
9 years ago at 8:52 pm$41 for 3 creamed spinach sides…did they cure cancer?
9 years ago at 10:43 amThe sides actually did cure cancer that’s why they were so expensive
9 years ago at 10:36 amThey should make Osweiler pay for every meal because that will be the only thing he contributes to the team the rest of the year
9 years ago at 10:48 amI would love to see a receipt from the Grandex Christmas party. Really hope they made Wally pay for it
9 years ago at 10:55 am