Letter From The Pledge Trainer



You are fucked. In fact, you are so fucked. Over the past 3 months I have handcrafted a world that rains blood and hails shit. I am the architect of your nightmare. I am the pledge trainer.

For “8 weeks” you will learn what it’s like to have a 21-year-old majoring in Kentucky Deluxe, recreational drug-use, and sociopathic tendencies micromanage your life. I will protect you from overzealous actives, but no one will protect you from me.

My testosterone levels are dangerously high. My range of emotion varies from “slightly agitated” to “raging homicidal maniac.” I am not your everyday active sitting on the patio jamming Panic. Pantera’s “Vulgar Display of Power” is the only album on my iPod. I do three sets of one in the gym, and I start every workout with power cleans. If my nose starts mysteriously bleeding, I just let it run its course. I ordered Rosetta Stone and learned Latin in order to diversify my hazing techniques. I have unprotected sex with known sluts and sleep in cave-like conditions just to boost my immune system. I refuse to trim my bush despite my long time girlfriend’s frequent requests. When I tell you that you’re the worst pledge class of all time, I mean it. When I tell you that you’re not going to be going home for Christmas break, I’m not kidding.

It will all be over soon. That’s a lie. But even if it was over soon, it would still feel like an eternity. There is no escape. Embrace the pain. You are mine.

Fuck you,

James Glasscock, PT

  1. Reagan22

    The end reminds me at boot the Sgt said “I dont care where you came from or who your parents are.. your ass is mine now”

    13 years ago at 3:43 pm
    1. LPB_III

      As long as he doesn’t slam any fatties with “hammer” in their name he should be alright.

      13 years ago at 7:14 am
  2. thefratasticmrfox

    My pledge brother’s motivator (pledge trainer) this semester. This letter would get him pumped to haze pledges

    13 years ago at 5:30 pm
    1. That_One_Guy

      ^ & ^^ are the epitome of a TFM tag-team destruction. How you feeling about that thefratasticmrfox?

      13 years ago at 8:14 am
  3. BROwnOutOfProportion

    Our PT told us that by the time he was done with us we would have wished that we had joined the Marines instead of going through pledgeship. He was almost right.

    13 years ago at 5:40 pm
    1. okusa

      when you think about it, it makes sense. would you rather be at the mercy of someone that is professionally trained in his craft, has even more professional oversight, a relatively strict curriculum, and a promising career to lose, or some fucking drunken moron, whose most extensive training was the first 20 minutes of full metal jacket and who has neither strict oversight from someone sane nor anything to lose (if he does, he’s too fucked up to know.) i’ve participated in some of the military’s more dangerous training programs and would easily do so again rather than submit myself to the will of some borderline mongoloid on a power trip at Alabama or god knows where

      13 years ago at 6:00 pm
    2. BowsnBrowning

      You cannot possibly compare pledgeship to going through training for the Marines. Have you ever done the crucible after weeks of terrible conditions, no sleep or food? Just because the drill instructors are trained does not mean that they don’t hurt you. My fiance broke his sternum and still did the hike. Before you talk out of your ass again, know what you’re talking about.

      13 years ago at 7:20 am
    3. okusa

      you miss the point, and i am going to be respectful for the sake of your fiance. it’s not to say that i think pledging is more difficult than various military programs. the level of physical pain, stress, etc. is likely going to be a lot higher. however, i know going in that, if i am a hard charger, there will be limited haze-exes and everything will be conducted with training value in mind by people that have been professionally instructed in how hard to push. in the military, there are orms and emergency procedures that will save my life in the event something goes wrong. with pledging, there is a guy with 75 iq that reads so much total frat move that he thinks it’s actually possible to drink a handle of everclear in 2 hours, whose emergency contingency plan consists of leaving someone in a shopping cart outside an emergency room.

      13 years ago at 9:37 am
    4. BROwnOutOfProportion

      ^^Sweetheart, that’s not the point. A Marine drill sergeant’s job is to, and I know it’s a paradox, constructively break down the recruits. He uses training methods to break them down and build them up. These are within the parameters of set military protocols in order to create effective soldiers. The PT’s job is similar on paper, but most PTs are drunken assholes who break you down in a more destructive manner with no set protocols. Ours didn’t care how we turned out. If you are lucky like my pledge brothers and me, the other brothers will help build you back up well before initiation.

      13 years ago at 11:06 am
    5. The Creed

      Yeah exactly, the Marine drill instructor is TRAINED. 13 weeks of his life were spent getting hazed and trained to haze recruits. He makes his money training recruits. A man like that who has been to war and probably killed people is a lot more intimidating than some 20 year college student.

      13 years ago at 10:38 pm
    6. FratasticMrOX

      I think what okusa is trying to say is that there is more POTENTIAL danger when it comes to pledging because the pledge trainer can be a total idiot and make the pledges chug half a handle and then swim in a lake with a blindfold at 3 AM in the morning. Whereas in the marines, the curriculum will be much harder, but you’re never going to do anything that puts your life in jeopardy. There will always be a paramedic and defibrillator on scene.

      13 years ago at 1:31 pm
    7. BowsnBrowning

      He also went through pledgeship, darling. I understand that the PT screws with your mind and puts you through hell, but once again, you cannot compare that to Marine training. If you let someone haze you to the point where you could die, you are an idiot and probably deserve it. A drill instructor and pledge trainer’s job does not look the same on paper, one is preparing you to defend your country and there other… is not. I don’t miss the point, I get what you are attempting to say and I’m telling you that you’re wrong. If you think that the Marines (or recruits, until they’ve graduated) don’t have their lives put in jeopardy during training, well hunnie you’d be wrong. There’s a lot they don’t show you on the internet, sweetheart.

      13 years ago at 10:59 pm
    8. Fratty Tissue

      ^Quit using so many pronouns. Actually, just stop you clearly are missing the point. Yes your fiance went through a lot in the military but they’re saying no one put him senselessly in harms way. The crucible is extremely rigorous but you’ll never have to chug copious amounts of alcohol with the only help being a drunken asshole that’s forcing you to do it in the first place.

      13 years ago at 4:50 pm
    9. FratHardOrGeauxHome

      Okay BowsnBrownings, have you ever run the crucible after weeks of terrible conditions, no food or sleep? No? I didn’t think so. Have you ever been hazed for endless hours, days on end, by a raging near homicidal maniac? No? I didn’t think so. In that case, why don’t you have a seat and let us men folk have our conversation. You shouldn’t be interjecting your opinion when you haven’t experienced ANY of what we are talking about. If your fiance would like to join the discussion and insert his opinion, we welcome him to do so, but you should learn your place. A pledge of mine who is a Marine and who has been to the island has told me that my line-ups and hazing give him flashbacks, a fact that I’m very proud of. As a former midshipman, I know how to blend the two schools of hazing to create the ultimate mindfucked pledges.

      13 years ago at 10:41 pm
    10. BROthernComfort

      BrownsnBrowning, total respect for you and your husband. Everyone else can join the Marines or take a lap, but for the love of God please quit trying to draw some kind of frivolous comparison to pledging a fraternity and training to make the ultimate sacrifice for your country. Its damn near sacrilegious.

      13 years ago at 1:16 pm
  4. DAN_ATO

    Just read this to our pledge trainer, he is pumped for this new found epic night…… have fun pledges

    13 years ago at 5:48 pm