Letter From The Pledge Trainer
13 years ago

pledgetrainer

Pledge,

You are fucked. In fact, you are so fucked. Over the past 3 months I have handcrafted a world that rains blood and hails shit. I am the architect of your nightmare. I am the pledge trainer.

For “8 weeks” you will learn what it’s like to have a 21-year-old majoring in Kentucky Deluxe, recreational drug-use, and sociopathic tendencies micromanage your life. I will protect you from overzealous actives, but no one will protect you from me.

My testosterone levels are dangerously high. My range of emotion varies from “slightly agitated” to “raging homicidal maniac.” I am not your everyday active sitting on the patio jamming Panic. Pantera’s “Vulgar Display of Power” is the only album on my iPod. I do three sets of one in the gym, and I start every workout with power cleans. If my nose starts mysteriously bleeding, I just let it run its course. I ordered Rosetta Stone and learned Latin in order to diversify my hazing techniques. I have unprotected sex with known sluts and sleep in cave-like conditions just to boost my immune system. I refuse to trim my bush despite my long time girlfriend’s frequent requests. When I tell you that you’re the worst pledge class of all time, I mean it. When I tell you that you’re not going to be going home for Christmas break, I’m not kidding.

It will all be over soon. That’s a lie. But even if it was over soon, it would still feel like an eternity. There is no escape. Embrace the pain. You are mine.

Fuck you,

James Glasscock, PT

  2. Wild Frat

    I’m sensing a lot of thinly-veiled homosexuality. No actual fucking of the pledges.

    13 years ago at 6:24 pm
    5. The Frat Hound

      Obviously, all of you aren’t getting the fucking joke. Clearly, you are GDIs.

      13 years ago at 7:35 pm
    10. XivoryS

      god dammit you fucking idiots “8 weeks” is just what fraternities put down on paper. By putting Quotation marks around that 8 weeks he is making a fucking joke ! In hoc

      13 years ago at 12:47 am
  6. Braingrenade

    Pledges around the country are thinking “fuck you James glasscock” as they do bows and toes with drunken brothers shouting in their ears. Well done fueling the fire and fuck pledges.

    13 years ago at 9:31 pm
  8. Fraternity Lifestyle

    Loved the “8 weeks” line. If your pledgeship wasn’t at least 18 weeks, I’m sorry, but you joined a bitch fraternity.

    13 years ago at 10:37 pm
    1. Song of the South

      damn straight, and using the line “we just want to wait until grades come out”

      13 years ago at 10:55 pm
  9. Haze Em

    I can guarantee everyone that has commented about how hard they haze are the guys no one in the chapter, not even the pledges, take seriously. I’m always right, so I’m right about this. You all should have been cum stains.

    13 years ago at 8:05 am
    1. SouthernByGodsGrace

      Couldn’t have said that better myself. As a PT myself you are on point. Great job Sir.

      13 years ago at 11:01 am
    5. Fratalee Holloway

      Thank you SoutherByGodsGrace for being the only one on here with a sense of humor. Everybody else please get the fuck out.

      13 years ago at 5:56 pm