Breaking Down The College Football Game of the Year

Here we are, already in week 10 of college football season, and the men are separating from the boys. The teams to be taken seriously are becoming more and more apparent, and the conference championship pictures are coming into focus. When discussions occur involving conference titles and national championship implications, they always involve one particular conference.


Many are calling the November 5 matchup between LSU and Alabama the “Game of the Century.” I’m not ready to make a ridiculous claim like that, but it’s undoubtedly the game of the year in 2011. With no legitimate threats representing the SEC East this season, the winner of this game has a clear path to a title berth. And if history is any indicator, the SEC champion will go on to win the natty. The last five national champions came from the SEC, and LSU and Bama each have one in that time frame. This game is big. Really fucking big. My pants tighten up just thinking about it. In a conference that prides itself on tough, physical defense, this game features the top 2 in the nation. These teams have a lot on the line, but who comes out on top? Take a ride with Dorn while we preview the game.


The undefeated LSU Tigers travel to T-Town in a battle of #1 versus #2. Les Miles features a dominant SEC-style defense with a big, nasty D-line that ranks 3rd nationally against the run and a talented, athletic secondary that is ranked 5th in passing efficiency defense. Headlining the Tiger defense is CB Tyrann Mathieu, better known as the Honey Badger. Much like his namesake, Mathieu does what he wants, and he wants to rip off your head and shit down your neck. Keep an eye on this reckless playmaker. He hasn’t played a game since October 15 due to a bye week and a drug suspension, so he’ll be looking to re-emerge from his hiatus with some game-changing plays. On offense, LSU doesn’t fare quite as well as the D. The QB position is interesting with two guys sharing time. The steady handed Jarrett Lee is your “just don’t fuck it up” type of quarterback, but Jordan Jefferson has more big play potential and an added running threat. These guys will try and get the ball into the hands of their talented receivers and let them go to work on that stout Bama secondary. Les will have to earn his paycheck this week.


I consider Les Miles to be one of the more underrated head coaches in the country. His teams always show up in a bad mood, and they play hard for their coach. Speaking of, I wonder what the kooky, yet quotable, Les Miles thinks of this matchup. And yes, these are real Les Miles quotes:

#1 vs. #2…pretty exciting stuff, huh coach?

“So rankings can be a compliment certainly, and it can certainly be a distraction, but not certainly at this level.”

Okay…will your team be ready to play?

“I want my guys focused. I don’t want the distraction of not being focused to be a distraction.”

Interesting. How do you feel about the return of the Honey Badger?

“Maybe he gets the game he gets to have a year later.”

I see. How do you plan on slowing down T-Rich?

“I can tell you that our uniform will represent LSU and look very much like a uniform an LSU football team will wear.”

You didn’t answer my question, coach, but you’re certainly an interesting guy.

“I fight for unique and accurate ways to be descriptive.”

You sure as shit do.

The man overly articulates and accentuates complete nonsense. He is pure entertainment, and so is his football team. However, they’ll need to bring their A game to have a good shot at leaving Bryant-Denny with a W.


As good as the LSU defense is, Bama’s is even better (at least statistically). They rank #1 in the nation in the following categories: rushing defense, passing efficiency defense, total defense, and scoring defense. Number 1 in four different categories out of 120 teams. The leaders of the defense are linebacker Dont’a Hightower and cornerback Dre Kirkpatrick.


In addition to a great defense, Alabama has the advantage in three vital areas. First, they have the home crowd advantage. The scene inside the stadium will be like if Mardi Gras had sex with the Super Bowl. Outrageous. Secondly, they have the star power in Trent Richardson. I’m not sure LSU has that leader in the offensive huddle to lean on in tense situations, but Bama does, and he brings a dominating physical presence. Lastly, Alabama has the coaching advantage. As good as I believe Les Miles is with a headset on, the Nicktator is the best coach in the land. He has to use a stepladder to get eye-to-eye with his players, but they listen. And they play tough football.

I can already hear the obnoxious “Rollllllll Taaaaaahd!” that will ensue with a Bama victory.

Dorn’s Prediction

Great defense is going to keep this one close and low scoring. Ultimately, the home crowd at Bryant-Denny and a slight edge in star power gives Alabama the W. Richardson grinds out a buck-twenty on the ground with two paydirts. I know I’m not really going out on a limb here, but:

Bama – 24
LSU – 20


    1. Jim Crow of Old Row

      a period joke ? really ? are in high school ? i bet you still think beer pong is cool

      13 years ago at 11:48 am
  1. FratSavage


    13 years ago at 11:45 am
    1. Pharaoh of Frats

      The SEC has won 7 national championships since 1998. Big 12 takes 2 at second place, and the PAC 12 takes a whopping 0 titles in last place.

      SEC > every other conference.

      13 years ago at 3:17 pm
    2. fratmydickbitch

      yea 0 national champs for USC, total GDI fest out there on the west coast. We have our frathoes and the F-250’s ya’ll keep riding on yalls longboards and prius’

      13 years ago at 3:09 pm
  2. broskeet2

    The median household in Tuscaloosa makes $31,000. LSU has more playmakers on defense, and more playmakers on offense. THey will send you crying back to your trailers. Go horns.

    13 years ago at 12:57 pm
    1. Jim Crow of Old Row

      and the median income for Baton Rouge is $30,368, look it up. they’re college towns..i dont what you’re expecting mr.try hard

      13 years ago at 1:24 pm
    2. the fratness monster

      What does household income have to do with anything? Go horns? I believe the longhorns season is over and Mack Brown is not that great of a coach despite the talent he has.

      13 years ago at 1:25 pm
    3. rooster cogburn

      median household income in a college town is probably not going to be very high. however the median sum of facials Broskeets mom receives at Henry Hudson’s bathrooms does range based on median income of her being in a college town or otherwise.

      13 years ago at 1:43 pm
  3. Cupid

    Split house on this one. Dad’s side are french coon asses. Mom’s side are southern bamers. I’m going for LSU on this one.

    13 years ago at 1:04 pm
    1. Minnebrota Brophers

      ^^It’s a reference to something you don’t get obviously. And I’m a Badger fan first and foremost so no, I have no idea how your choade tastes.

      13 years ago at 1:07 pm