Mailbag: Should I Give This Psychotic Kid A Bid?
I don’t know what to make of a Mailbag that has nothing to do with sex, but here we are. It’s like taking on blistering fastball after blistering fastball, fouling each one off just to stay alive, then a knee-buckling off speed pitch comes right for your face before breaking away from you sharply and catches the outside corner. I’m just not ready for it. On the bright side, though, this will be a nice change of pace. This place has been teetering on full-on smut blog here lately, so it’s nice to get back to the PG basics.
In today’s edition, an emailer shows me an email that he received from a potential new member that displays some downright psychotic tendencies. He wants a bid, I think.
Here is an email I received this morning from a potential new member.
“I really wanted to be dirty rushed right now like and not pay the dues and just come to events when you want me I want to meet the guys I can provide alcohol weed xanex anything I really want to be a brother as soon as my grades are good I really would take that into consideration I’ll act as a pledge please I can get girls to come to parties I want to participate it’s just the dues and things and next semester go through actually rush and do the same thing but be a brother I would be 3rd legacy.”
Should I give this kid a bid?
That’s the single most impressive run-on sentence in the history of email. Holy shit. It’s like a continuous stream of narcotic-induced consciousness in written form. It requires a true psychotic mind to write like that, to just ignore all punctuation and basically everything his English teachers have wasted their time trying to teach him. Half sad, half impressive.
Straight to the question now. The answer is absolutely yes. I’m not even sure what this kid is asking. I honestly don’t believe he even knows what it is he’s asking. But the answer is yes. We know he wants to party and meet the guys. We know he will bring the alcohol, the weed, the Xanax, or anything you need. His grades aren’t up to snuff, but he’ll let you treat him like a pledge, AND he’ll show up with girls. Is he able to pay dues? It doesn’t look like it. He initially implies he won’t pay dues, then he brings them up again, but it’s impossible to decipher what he’s trying to say about them. Don’t count on his check clearing his bank, but you have to look at the total package here.
Alcohol? ✓
Weed? ✓
Xanny? ✓
Girls? ✓
Ability to pay dues? No.
Legacy? ✓
Signs of psychotic, wildcard behavior that could be awesome or could totally backfire and bring your chapter to its knees? ✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓✓
Profit. On top of it all, he’d be a triple-leg.
This is the type of guy who lasts one semester in school before he has to leave, either because he clocks a smooth 0.0 GPA and his parents drag him home, or because he gets popped trying to push hard drugs in the library. You may only get him for a short period of time, so enjoy him.
Just respond to him with these two words: “Fucking yes.” Then sit back and collect..
Wildcard bitches
9 years ago at 3:28 pmCharlie, no more of his wildcard bullshit
9 years ago at 4:40 pm103 words and 1 punctuation mark, that is impressive
9 years ago at 3:28 pmThe fact that he even bothered putting a period at the end is fucking hilarious
9 years ago at 3:36 pmthe fact that robert spent the time to count the words is equally hilarious
9 years ago at 7:42 pmLooks like Dorn likes the crazy ones
9 years ago at 3:28 pmFrom the email, this kid seems like a fool drug dealer.
9 years ago at 3:29 pmThis is exactly the type of kid you should definitely not give a bid to if you enjoy having a charter
9 years ago at 3:30 pmEvery chapter always needs at least one psychotic brother.
9 years ago at 3:31 pm9 years ago at 3:32 pm
Damn you so popular
9 years ago at 8:55 pmHe seems like the kind of kid that would cry to his parents after a week and get the fraternity shut down for hazing…
9 years ago at 3:34 pmFiji or pike, its written all over him
9 years ago at 4:04 pmI feel like nobody would have given me a bid if not for my crazy streak
#tSPEm
9 years ago at 4:22 pmYou’re an embarrassment.
9 years ago at 10:06 pm