March Is The Best Month Of The Year

Midrange jumpshot_20099 years ago

I woke up this morning, promptly at 7:55 for my 8am chem class, and was greeted by a mind-numbing hangover that seemed to say, “Hey jackass, that handle of tequila was $12 for a reason.”

A few minutes later, I stumbled out the door only to discover that, despite my inability to view direct sunlight, it was a beautiful day. Deciding that a little fresh air would do a lot more for me than general chemistry ever could, I made the courageous choice to forgo conventional learning and take a walk around campus. Spring was in the air, there was a phenomenal breeze, and the temperature was perfect — hot enough to be comfortable but cool enough that girls still deemed it appropriate to wear yoga pants. It’s days like this, coupled with spring break and the best sporting event on Earth, that make March my favorite month of the year.

A brain dead orangutan could write a column about why college spring break is the eighth wonder of the world, but it basically boils down to this: spring break is where college kids take a break from drinking and fucking around to, well, drink and fuck around in a place that is either beach or mountain adjacent. The only real difference is that there’s no longer the guilt of missing class or the half-forgotten anthropology assignment weighing on you, taking away any bullshit excuse you may have that prevents you from giving drinking and partying 110 percent of your mental and physical efforts. Plus there is the added bonus of getting to stick your pen in other university’s ink.

The majority of universities schedule their spring breaks in March, and for good reason. Students are just finishing up midterms, and the best way to recover from that Adderall and caffeine induced stupor that has become your life for the last week is to don a Hawaiian shirt and drink so heavily that you forget the 7 percent you currently hold in Anthropology 531. By the time you return, you feel refreshed and have the mindset that you have a perfect grade in every class. It’s one hell of a reset button.

March isn’t all about spring break, drinking, and fucking, though. No, there are other wonders that make this month so great. My favorite thing about March is the NCAA tournament. March Madness is bar none the world’s best sporting event. I would go so far as to contend that the opening two days should be a national holiday. There is nothing like posting up at a bar or being glued to your couch and watching an endless stream of wild games, incredible upsets, and the inevitable Villanova first round loss. The NCAA tournament is the purest form of any sport — a single elimination gauntlet during which anything can happen, with athletes playing for no reason other than a love for the game (and a few blow jobs from strippers if you go to Louisville).

Beautiful weather, spring break, the first two-thirds of March Madness, and a another month on a college campus with your best friends, gorgeous women, and God-awful pledges: things can’t get much better than March..