Mavs Win, Mavs Win


On a beautiful Sunday night in Miami, fate proved once again that you shouldn’t try to cheat her, because she will make you cry (fate’s kind of a cunt). At the end of the story, the good guys won, the bad guys lost, and the world was balanced, for a few hours at least. Now for all of you who don’t like basketball, hear me out. I understand why you don’t appreciate the game I love, and I’ve had the basketball argument way too many times to do have it again here. But I’m sure that all of you can admit you enjoyed this year’s NBA Finals. As most basketball fans will agree, this has been the best NBA Playoffs since 1993, a year that most of us have only experienced through highlights. Several of my brothers who despise basketball normally found themselves enthralled as each round became more exciting, leading to possibly the best Finals matchup ever as far as destiny goes. Here are a few reasons why this is my favorite Finals ever.

1. Rivalry- Even though there were only a few players left over from the 2006 Finals (a series that I normally refuse to talk about), there was still a feeling of possible redemption for the Mavericks. Even players who hadn’t been there in 2006 felt the emptiness that getting close and coming up short brings (Jason Kidd and Shawn Marion).

2. Destiny- Wade already had his championship, and LeBron believed that in spite of the fact that he has choked away chances for at least two, he deserved one too. So instead of making himself and his teammates better, he stabbed his hometown in the back and teamed up with his buddies, hoping to ride the coattails of their talent to a championship. The basketball gods said no. On the other hand, we have Dirk, a silent superstar who barely missed his chance five years ago despite leaving it all on the court. Since then he’s constantly worked on his game, while his billionaire owner surrounded him with key players instead of needless all-stars.

3. Balls- Jason Terry got the fucking championship trophy tattooed on his arm before the season. Keep in mind that this was a season where literally no one outside of Dallas was considering the Mavericks for the championship. Now some might say that this is tacky or unnecessary, which might have ended up true if it wasn’t for the fact that he fully backed it up in his performance in Game 6.

4. Mark Cuban- Outspoken, billionaire who buys what he wants and doesn’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks. Sound mildly frat to you? Not only did he swear for fun on live TV and have a Bud in his lap for his interviews, but he also told the City of Dallas to basically fuck off by paying for the parade himself so he can do it right. Oh and a $200,000 bar tab. Whatever.

5. Simple Math- Miami=GDI Central, Dallas=Oil Money Frat. Any fraternity man worth two shits should be pulling for the city not known for graphic tees and straw fedoras.

Now while this might not convince you to watch 82 games next season (if there is a season), hopefully we can all agree that everything is in its right place. The prematurely celebrating assholes are at home making excuses while the rightful champions are still partying. Have you seen pictures of Dirk raging after the game? Tell me you wouldn’t love being there. If I haven’t convinced you of the Mavericks’ legitimacy enough, consider JJ Barea. The dude is 5′ 10,” maybe, and makes everyone trying to stop him look foolish. He runs at guys a full foot taller than him at full speed and takes some of the hardest fouls I’ve ever seen. Oh yeah, and he’s dating Ms. Universe. He’s like Powers, only if Powers was athletic, charismatic, and not a total shit fuck. Basically the only thing they have in common is balls, which is good enough for me.

If even all of that is not enough to convince you to temporarily like basketball, then how about this: it’s just another reason to party. Do we really need a reason to get liquored up? No. But is it more fun when you have a fake reason for celebrating (i.e. Cinco de Mayo)? Hell yes. So tonight, go out and drink a few Dirk Nowitzkis. It’s a shot of German vodka, with an ounce of who-gives-a-fuck-just-get-drunk-already. See y’all on the court.

  1. SEC frat star

    Will be doing Lebomb James’ in honor of that asshole still not having a ring.

    Another great article, Sterling.

    13 years ago at 8:40 pm
  2. StuntinLikeImFratty

    Dallas also having an unheard of number of Caucasian players on their team. TFM.

    13 years ago at 8:46 pm
    1. Godandgunsaregood

      A Dirk, Kidd, Barea, Peja Stojakovic, and Brian Cardinal lineup should have been brought out to close the series out.

      13 years ago at 9:26 pm
    2. Outdoorsman

      Which is the reason why the have only won ONE NBA finals. Kind of illogical and quite hilarious.

      13 years ago at 11:12 am
  3. Fratimus__Maximus

    Great article as usual Sterling Cooper. Respectfully, if you guys don’t think LeBron is going to get a ring(s), you’re dumb. Being a Heat Hater is one thing, being logical… completely different. He’s too good not to win. He’s NOT MJ or Kobe… but he’ll get his. Till then, Good for Dirk. Frat on my Friends.

    13 years ago at 8:49 pm
    1. Frat IV

      Agreed. I hate Lebron just as much as the next sports fan but he will win a ring eventually. I’d be perfectly happy if he never won a single ring, but its bound to happen sooner or later. At least it’s not this year and I hope its not in 1 year, not 2 years, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7

      13 years ago at 9:01 pm
    2. Year Around Frat

      I rooted for the Heat, specifically Lebron because he is possibly going to go down as the greatest ever.

      13 years ago at 1:40 pm
    3. SterlingArcher

      I rooted against LeBron because, like Year Around Frat, he’s a total douche who clings to winning teams like a parasite. He claims to have been a Yankees, Bulls, and Cowboys fan growing up. Really Lebron? Fuck you.

      13 years ago at 6:25 pm
  4. ZAXFratter99

    Great article Sterling. I partied hard last night even though I had a test this morning. MFFL!

    13 years ago at 8:57 pm
    1. Dave_Fratthews

      I would like to apologize on behalf of the entire Lambda Chi Alpha for this individual. Our bad guys.

      13 years ago at 2:05 am
  5. Donald Trump

    On the note of Miami being GDI central, maybe some people would disagree with me but I think Florida is pretty ironic in that it has one of the most GDI cities in the nation in Miami (With the exception of Palm Beach county, which is extremely wealthy and frat) and one of the most frat cities in my opinion in Jacksonville…big difference in North and South florida.

    13 years ago at 9:01 pm
    1. Godandgunsaregood

      The old saying is, “the more north you go in Florida, the more South you get.”

      13 years ago at 9:27 pm
    2. Chief Brosceola

      I’m from Jupiter Island, often called the richest city in the country, I didn’t choose to live here my parents did, if you stay with the right crowd South Florida can be a pretty fratty place. It has fishing, boating, wealth. Every state has areas there are not fond of.

      13 years ago at 10:12 pm
    3. apple89

      as a none GDI and from MIAMI .. all i got to say is that the only reason why miami is so “GDI” is because unlike many cities in the south.. there is ACTUALLY MANY THINGS TO DO, many awesome places to go out to, and having people from so many places in the world live in miami compared to the rest o the south where everything is the same and boring… making the whole greek system unimportant and unnecessary because college people don’t depend on frat parties to have fun

      13 years ago at 10:46 pm
    4. FtWorthFrat

      TFM Intern, could you kindly delete apple89’s account? This is worse than “fuckfratguys1”

      13 years ago at 11:32 pm
    5. SEC Gameday Drunk

      Chief Brosceola the only time Jupiter, and often called the richest city in the country go in the same sentence is on April first. The only city in SF that is worth knowing exists is Doral.

      13 years ago at 10:02 am
    6. Chief Brosceola

      SECgamedaydrunk, I’m not talking about Jupiter, I am talking about Jupiter Island, we are our own town. I suggest you read up on your geography. On a side note, just to make you feel like an even bigger jackass than you already made yourself sound, here is the Forbes article. Tell me where Doral ended up on this list.

      13 years ago at 1:54 pm
    7. apple89

      i actually love this website…. don’t take me wrong i love being a greek, however truth being told miami has to many things going on and being in a sorority or fraternity in miami is useless.. for obvious reasons, miami is not a college town (reason why i go to school somewhere else).. its a party city and being greek becomes ancestry because miami doesn’t need unlike other college town ..besides, im sure all of you would kill to even be able to afford a night in south beach.. so yeah fuck yeah GO HEAT

      13 years ago at 8:26 pm
    8. apple89

      oh and by the way, i am a true miami all the way, i went to school in texas, transferred back to florida.. and yeah i had fun.. but really nothing compares to the fun i have when i go to miami.. except maybe new york

      13 years ago at 8:29 pm
    9. SEC Gameday Drunk

      I didn’t say Doral was rich but having PGA tournaments in your backyard isnt too bad, chief.

      13 years ago at 1:16 am
    10. CarBro Shorts

      apple89 Every time I read one of your posts, my head fucking explodes. Terrible grammar, terrible spelling, and also, you just don’t make any fucking sense. Please, next time you want to post something, figure out what the hell you’re trying to say, and then fucking say it (and maybe check your spelling and grammar as you go along).

      13 years ago at 2:23 pm
    11. Donald Trump

      I gotta go with cheifbrosceola…as is true with florida itself, the more north you go in the Miami metro the more wealthy and frat it gets. Jupiter island is a haven for the rich and palm beach county in general. Trump has his golf club there. Jacksonville is FaF though.

      13 years ago at 1:31 am
    1. Outdoorsman

      1 out of the thousands or whatever number of NBA finals… right right but continue on with your hallucinations.

      13 years ago at 11:13 am