Literally raking beer cans off the lawn. TPM.

I was sitting around the house yesterday, minding my own business, when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it, and there stood a cute little girl (maybe 9 or 10 years old). She’s dressed in this hot short skirt, and some kind of military fetish outfit, called herself a “girl scout”, or something like that. Another word for hooker, as far as I’m concerned. Anyway, after some haggling, I got something you aren’t gonna BELIEVE! She was selling boxes full of pictures of little girls. Every box had pictures of some of the most rapeable cake you’ve ever laid eyes on. Some boxes had 5 or 6 on the cover. Well, hell if I’m gonna pass up an opportunity like this. So I dumped $400, the whole damn supply. Then I slammed the door in her face, stripped, covered my self in cooking oil and ripped those suckers open in a sex-crazed frenzy. What the fuck do I find scattered all over my floor? Children huddling in corners trying futilely to escape my embrace? FUCK NO! A bunch of goddamn COOKIES! I grab my bat, ran outside flinging oil and profanity in every direction, only to find the little cunt making her escape in an unmarked minivan. But she’ll get hers. I’ve heard this story time and time again, by other poor souls who’ve been taken advantage of by these evil bitches. And… I’ve found the location of their secret base. Girl Scouts of the USA 420 Fifth Avenue New York, New York 10018-2798. I’ve got a machete, 3 bottles of vegetable oil, and a raging, throbbing, rock hard sense of burning justice. I’m headed to New York.