Mike Leach in the Grove, This Has to Happen

The University of Mississippi football team was back to being the University of Mississippi football team in 2011. Amidst another atrocious season where Ole Miss had fallen to a 2 – 7 record, Rebel Black Bear fans received news that Houston Nutt had been ousted as head coach. After a move that many thought was long overdue, AD Pete Boone begins his coaching search.

Which strategy is Boone using to find his man? The common theme as of late has seemingly been to pursue the up-and-coming young gun offensive or defensive coordinator. There are undoubtedly a few coaches in this category that could do a fine job. However, I think Ole Miss should go a totally different direction with the coaching hire. I think they should go with a man who is already established. He’s a man a little longer in the tooth than a young buck like Dabo Swinney or Will Muschamp, and certainly not nearly as enthusiastic, animated or excitable. He may even be a little rough around the edges with a hardened philosophy, a violent temper, ”don’t ask don’t tell” morals and more than questionable disciplinary ethics. He’s also pretty quirky with a dry demeanor, odd personality and a twisted sense of humor. Furthermore, he never played football past high school and inexplicably earned a law degree with no intentions of pursuing that career path. To top it off, he has an unhealthy obsession with pirates, and he’s Vince Gill’s doppelganger.

“But Roger, who is he and why the hell should this asshole coach at my school?”

This asshole is Mike Goddamn Leach, and he’d be a great fit at Ole Miss. First of all, he’s an offensive guru highly adept to the passing game, a phase of offense Rebel fans haven’t seen executed correctly since the mouth-breathing Manning era. Don’t come at me with that Jevan Snead crap. That lesbian turned out to be awful. Leach’s old Texas Tech offenses could score on anyone, even with inferior talent. In a conference built on a physical, grind it out style of play, Leach’s high-flying offense will be something unfamiliar to the SEC. Leach, an arbiter of the forward pass, would bring an element of excitement to a conference that sometimes needs a little. Aside from the element of excitement that he’d bring, Leach simply belongs in an SEC environment. To put it mildly, Leach likes the sauce. Alright fuck it, he loves the sauce. Taking a guy like Mike Leach from boring Lubbock, TX and throwing him into to the tailgating mecca of Oxford, MS is akin to throwing gasoline on a fire. It’s trouble waiting to happen. The toughest challenge with Leach at Ole Miss would be keeping him away from the Grove pre-game. Wild tailgating, southern belles and bourbon is dangerously up his alley. Just slap an ankle monitor on him every Saturday morning and cut him loose. He’ll wander around but will eventually find his way to the stadium in time to call a great game.

Lastly, and maybe most importantly, Mike loathes the Aggies. Texas A&M, an SEC fall 2012 pledge, doesn’t deserve the warm, hazeless welcome they are expecting into the nation’s most elite football conference. They bitched and moaned their way out of the Big XII, and Mike wants to make them pay. Leach would take great pride in hazing the piss out of the Ags like he became accustomed to in the Big XII. I can see a rivalry birth here, as well. A&M loses Texas and Texas Tech as rivals, and Ole Miss just needs a more prominent one. It’s a natural fit.

Ole Miss football hasn’t seen a level of respectability in some time. They need the right guy to get them back there. Heed my advice, and let Coach Mike Leach take y’all on a weird, wild ride back to winning football games and competing for conference titles. If he doesn’t get you back to the win column, he’ll ensure Ole Miss continues to never lose a tailgate.

  1. ohreally

    He coached in the BIG XII, the place where no one plays defense and every team throws the ball all over the field. Bring him into oxford, let him recruit his players, install his system, then watch it not work. Basically shitting the bed then to a point of no going back.

    13 years ago at 11:32 am
    1. Capitalism

      so he goes to the sec where nobody plays offense and does exactly what he did to the big 12..turn it into an offensive league where the defenses have to change their philosophy to keep up. makes sense to me. ya’ll could use a little bit of excitement in your soccer games

      13 years ago at 12:02 pm
    2. FuckLiberals69

      ^ 5 straight championships sounds pretty exciting to me and I can say with certainty that it’s the other conferences that have the catching up to do, chief.

      13 years ago at 12:37 pm
    3. Born Wearing Sperrys

      SEC clearly has great defenses, Capitalism. It definitely wouldn’t be that easy for him to have his offense light it up like the Big 12. However, I do agree that offensive minded head coaches could be successful in the SEC, just look at Urban Meyer. I’m really not sure how Mike Leach would work out for Ole Miss but I would sure as hell love to see it happen.

      13 years ago at 1:17 pm
    4. Capitalism

      Thanks I had no idea the sec had won the last 5 championships. Thanks for pointing that out. I’m not denying that the sec has some great defenses but nobody wants to point out that it’s a league of pathetic offenses. In the big 12 it’s the exact opposite but everybody says the offenses are only good because of the pathetic defenses. Just a little bit hypocritical don’t ya think?

      13 years ago at 1:29 pm
    5. NaturalLight00

      He was the offensive coordinator at Kentucky. They threw the ball a shitload and they went from god-awful to halfway decent pretty quickly.

      13 years ago at 1:39 pm
    6. Fratnannigans

      Capitalism, offense wins ballgames. Defense wins championships. Obviously the SEC has had the offense to win the big game considering they put more points on the board than the opponent and they have the defense to get them though as well.

      13 years ago at 1:59 pm
    7. SEC Frat

      People that say the SEC offenses are terrible need to play in traffic. I would stack my Hogs, Bama and LSU against anyone in the country sans maybe OK ST. There’s a reason why so many draft picks come from the SEC on both sides of the ball. Sorry that we don’t play spread no-huddle because our defenses actually have speed. Ever notice how in the NFL no one uses a spread offense? It’s because the defenses are too fast just like in the SEC.

      13 years ago at 2:28 pm
    8. Born Wearing Sperrys

      Well not spread no-huddle, but Auburn does have a spread offense that played well for them last year. I’m really not an SEC hater but that offensive performance in the LSU-Bama game was just awful.

      13 years ago at 2:41 pm
    9. PhrattinHard_PDT

      The Patriots basically run a spread, the “amoeba offense” is more or less a spread system. The Broncos also run a modified version of the spread offense as well. I’m not criticizing SEC football by any means. I’m just saying that there are NFL teams out there who run up-tempo systems with spread offense influences, however the talented players of the SEC can usually adapt.

      13 years ago at 4:53 pm
    10. Beer Quisque Beer

      Also the Packers, Eagles, and Colts also run what amounts to a spread offense. You also forget that it was Urban Meyer’s spread at UF that won 2 of those national championships.

      13 years ago at 7:28 pm
  2. Fraternization

    I have this weird feeling that Mike Leach doesn’t give a flying fuck that A&M left the Big 12. Although, I will say that Mike Leach is a arrogant douche and therefore would fit perfectly in the SEC. I wonder if he has an over-inflated sense of self-worth like the SEC also. The guy got let go from Texas Tech, land of ass hats, so that should say something about him.

    13 years ago at 12:06 pm
    1. Frat Star 7

      So 5 national championships in a row and we are arrogant douches? No. All the other conferences just suck.

      13 years ago at 12:54 pm
    2. The Big LeFratski

      And before these 5 years you had… lets see. Like 3 in a 20 year span? Cool story bro.

      13 years ago at 2:24 pm
    3. ProFrattingGear

      Why would it matter that the SEC has only won ‘like’ 3 in a 20 year span? I don’t understand why teams outside the SEC think they have the right to talk shit.. You bringing up a 20 year span just shows you’re a dumbass because the BCS wasn’t around till ’98, where the SEC has won 7. Now that I know how stupid you are I will do the math for you.. That is 7 out of 13, more than half. And as we all can see it doesn’t stop there because the SEC will be back in the National Championship like they have been for the past 5 years.

      13 years ago at 2:55 pm
    4. The Big LeFratski

      That wasn’t the point I was trying to make at all, for one.
      SEC diehards point to the conference being the greatest. It is. Right now.
      Miami was dominant in the 90’s. Nebraska before that. Oklahoma has had their time. Give it five or ten years, and the SEC “dominance” will even out.

      13 years ago at 2:58 pm
    5. Born Wearing Sperrys

      ^I don’t see your point. So there is no point arguing sports because what is good today will not be good tomorrow?

      13 years ago at 3:07 pm
    6. ProFrattingGear

      Saying their “dominance” will even out, is like saying empires rise and fall. It may be true, but what jackass would even bring up that point?

      13 years ago at 10:17 am
    7. Fratnannigans

      LeFratski, Nebraska was the 90’s (94, 95, 97). Just to set the record straight.

      13 years ago at 12:46 pm
  3. Haze Em

    There’s no doubt that he’s a great coach, but I disagree letting people coach at the college level who have never played college football in their lives. Sure, if he were my coach I would have to respect him, but when it comes down to it and he’s in your face, talking shit, barking orders and whatnot and he hasn’t even put on a fucking NCAA Football helmet or played a single down, then he has no right to coach these athletes who are obviously better than he has ever been.

    13 years ago at 12:20 pm
    1. NaturalLight00

      He knows football. Texas Tech had a winning record every season that he was coach there. Every quarterback he touches turns to gold. Tim Couch, Josh Heupel, Graham Harrell, all great quarterbacks. He became the winningest head coach in Texas Tech history in less than 10 years. It took the record holder before him 14 years. Leach isn’t an athelete but he knows football better than anybody else on that field.

      13 years ago at 1:44 pm
    2. Haze Em

      Of course. There’s no denying that. I guess when it comes down to it I wish there were some sort of rule regarding who gets to coach.

      13 years ago at 2:06 pm
    3. Big XII Frat

      Why would they put restrictions on who the university’s administration and AD can hire for coaching positions? Shouldn’t Leach’s success at Texas Tech prove that such regulations are unnecessary? Four other head coaches that never played college ball: Charlie Weis, Paul Johnson, Dennis Franchione, Mike Mangino and George O’Leary.

      13 years ago at 3:30 pm
    4. The Piker

      Don’t include Paul Johnson. If a team has a decent coaching staff, that retarded option is easy to stop. Its not disciplined at all like teams that can run a real triple option. Its almost like a hybrid triple option. Regardless, they never win if the team they are playing had a bye week or has a good defensive staff.

      13 years ago at 10:17 am