Minnesota Athletic Director Resigns After Sending Drunk Sexts To Colleagues

El Taco9 years ago

Getting axed from your job because you sent a few sexually-explicit drunk texts is a shitty way to go down, but everybody knows you don’t dip your pen in the company ink.

University of Minnesota Athletic Director Norwood Teague didn’t get that memo, and is stepping down after drunkenly sending “truly inappropriate texts.”

The incident involved two non-student university employees. In a statement, Teague told KARE he had “entirely too much to drink” at a university event when he sent the texts.

He also told KARE before starting his on-camera statement, “I honestly can’t remember half of it but that’s no excuse.”

False. If you don’t remember, it doesn’t count.

Something tells me Teague will be okay. The school said it may re-hire him as a part-time consultant where he could earn a cool $285 an hour. That should pay the mortgage.

Sadly, Teague didn’t get into the content of the texts during his resignation, so I’ll speculate wildly.

First, you’ve got to consider the alcohol Teague drank that night. University event? Balding, rich, single white man in his fifties? It was wine. It had to have been.

Next, we can rule out that he sent a dick pic. At that age, you’re lucky to pop a boner regardless of how much or how little alcohol is coursing through your veins.

So here’s my top best guesses as to what he sent:

“Listen, baby, that NIT Championship trophy isn’t gonna buff itself.”

“I’ll have you screaming, ‘More wood, Teague’ by the end of the night.”

“I wanna tongue punch your fart box.”

“#ButtStuff2015?”

We may never know.

Just kidding, we have them:

teaguetexts

Beth Goetz, the school’s deputy athletics director, will take over interim duties.

[via KARE 11]

Image via YouTube