Mizzou Cuts 50 Jobs, Closes 2 More Dorms As Post-Protest Apocalypse Sets In


Sooner rather than later, there are going to be more tumbleweeds than students at Mizzou.

It looks like the University of Missouri is going to undergo some cutbacks next year in response to a sizable drop in enrollment. On Tuesday, Mizzou announced 50 jobs would need to be sacrificed in order to save money.

From The Columbia Tribune:

Landscaping operations will be cut back so sidewalk edges are trimmed no more than twice a year and only in the most visible locations, [Vice Chancellor Gary Ward] wrote. After Saturday football games, the debris left by tailgaters will not be picked up until Monday, he wrote.

Custodial staff no longer will clean or remove trash or recyclables from offices, Ward wrote.

The plan to save $5.47 million in the MU Operations division that employs 842 people exempts the MU Police Department and MU Environmental Health and Safety. Ward warned it likely means slower response time for maintenance issues, less overtime and slower snow removal.

In the email, Ward warned that ‘we will be unable to sustain the level of service for which you have become accustomed. I do not anticipate that changes beginning July 1, 2016, will inhibit the academic mission at Mizzou, nor is it my intention for that to ever happen.’

Yeah, take that you racist janitorial douchebags! That’ll teach you to clean up our poop swastikas!

The announcement of these cutbacks comes just a few days after another round of big news at the university — the closure of two more dorms. Next year, Respect or Excellence Residence Halls will no longer house students. You read that right, Mizzou has lost Respect and Excellence. Shocker.

Fox Sports’ Jason Whitlock had quite the hot take on this one:

Once Jason starts tweeting #FratLivesMatter I’ll know for sure that I’m in a parallel universe and this is all just one big joke. I’m still about 70 percent sure I’m just on a bad acid trip.

The closure of these two dorms adds to the closure of two others announced in March. Laws Hall and Lathrop Hall, the closest dorms to Greektown and favorites of freshmen sorority girls, were both scheduled to be demolished next year but the demo date got moved up months earlier since, ya know, no one goes to this school anymore — not even fellow cocaine connoisseur Maty Mauk.

When it rains, it pours.

I know what you’re saying: “Whoa whoa whoa! Mizzou is a complete dumpster fire right now because it’s the poster child for overly sensitive and politically correct college students? Who could’ve seen that coming during the protests last October?!”

It’s hard to believe but it’s true. These are the knowledge bombs you’ll have to accept.

Can someone reach out to #ConcernedStudent1950 and see if they’ll demand high schoolers to go to Mizzou? K thx.

[via The Columbia Tribune]

Image via YouTube

  1. Jamie Shipley

    While part of me laughs at this, I also feel bad for them. A small portion of the student body and a few professors have fucked it all up for the rest of the students, professors, staff, and alumni.

    8 years ago at 2:56 pm
    1. Coolnamewastaken

      Every student and professor who tolerates this nonsense is responsible too. A firm hand would have ended it before it even started. Cowardly faculty and students trying to prove how tolerant they are in hopes of being absolved from White Guilt are all to blame.

      8 years ago at 4:39 pm
      1. FreakObama

        PC culture has everyone too scared to stand up against them. You risk media ridicule and possible sanctions from the school if you try to stand against them

        8 years ago at 6:45 pm
      2. Jamie Shipley

        A lot of people did. But these fuck bags didn’t really do anything other than protest. It is their (in this case unfortunate constitutional right) to do so. Many people did tell them to shut up. But they continued to be whining babies.

        8 years ago at 6:52 pm
      3. Joff the L-E-G-A-C-Y

        I wouldn’t mind if we pulled a Kent State 1970 on their asses.

        8 years ago at 6:53 pm
  2. Fratty the Broman

    How many “Vote Trump” chalk signs should we make on this campus?

    8 years ago at 3:04 pm
  3. Gun_Slinger

    I was under the impression that liberal policies create more jobs. At least thats what Obama always tells me…

    8 years ago at 3:09 pm
    1. fratsohardUn1versity

      More proof to that liberals are literally parasites and drag everyone down everywhere they pop up.

      8 years ago at 4:26 pm
    2. Drunk_Kyle_Orton

      Don’t worry I’m sure Bernie has a very logical solution to this…

      8 years ago at 4:53 pm
    3. MizzouEE

      The college of engineering here just released a statement that they’re hiring 15 new faculty members.

      8 years ago at 12:37 am
  4. StephenFratking

    Maty Mauk has spelt “academy” wrong on his own logo. Illiteracy. NF.

    8 years ago at 4:14 pm
  5. Snake300

    “I do not anticipate that changes beginning July 1, 2016, will inhibit the academic mission at Mizzou . . ..”

    No – that’s what the protests were for,

    8 years ago at 4:17 pm
  6. Coolnamewastaken

    Don’t worry about the dorm closings, there appear to be plenty of tents for the students.

    8 years ago at 4:41 pm