‘Mother!’ Is The Most Pretentious Movie In The History Of Pretentious Movies
I’ve seen It three times already because I’m an obsessive movie nerd with no life (and also because I have to compile all my anti-clown research). Before each viewing, I saw a trailer for a flick simply titled Mother!. The trailer was bizarre and confusing, and plot details were pretty much non-existent. Needless to say, I was intrigued.
On top of all that, I saw that it was penned and filmed by Darren Aronofsky, a weird-ass, psychotic director of whom I consider myself a fan. He made the deeply disturbing and powerful Requiem For A Dream, an uncomfortable tour through the minds of shattered junkies, as well as Black Swan, a dope psychological horror show that’s most famously known for the Mila Kunis/Natalie Portman sex scene to which you’ve definitely shucked your corn. His 2014 film Noah was great, too; Russell Crowe plays a man who has to build an ark and bring along two of every animal to survive an apocalyptic flood that God warned him about. The movie was so iconic that the Bible itself was caught stealing ideas from it.
So based on the mysterious advertising, the relatively positive word of mouth, and the man behind the camera, I definitely wanted to see the movie. So I did. And I have no idea what the fuck I just witnessed. The film relies on you going into it not knowing anything, so I won’t give up any spoilers. But, to sum it up vaguely, it’s one giant metaphor; from what I gathered, a Biblical one. It’s confusing for a long time, but by the end you kiiiiinda get it?
This movie was the pretentious thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. And I went to an arts high school, so that’s saying something.
This movie was so pretentious that I thought it was gonna wear a flannel shirt and take its Tinder date to a record store. This movie is so pretentious that I thought it was gonna randomly bring up 9/11 conspiracy theories at a party and bring the mood down. Picture the most pretentious, artsy fartsy douchebag you know. A cut-off denim button-down, big glasses that he doesn’t need from a prescription standpoint, and chukka boots. He goes to indie coffeehouses with his laptop and writes short stories about depressed lesbians visiting Europe. He constantly tweets about how he hates “privilege” even though his parents pay his rent. Imagine that guy. Now imagine him in movie form. That’s Mother!.
This movie isn’t for people who want to be entertained, scared, distracted, etc. This movie is for condescending douchebags who wanna jerk off to how smart and deep they think they are. If you’ve ever said, “It sounds better on vinyl,” then you’ll love this movie.
Just because a movie is intentionally weird and confusing doesn’t automatically mean its deep. It’s okay for a movie to be a metaphor, but the metaphor needs to have a plot attached to it; it can’t JUST be a metaphor. This movie is worth seeing just so you can get angry at it.
After much deliberation over themes of religion, nature, and humanity, I realized that this movie is just a metaphor for pretentious movies..
Image via YouTube
How close is this website to shutting down?
7 years ago at 10:56 amJust checked out all of the tabs on the app. Here’s when the last time each of these things were updated: Wall-7 months, Videos-4 months (by the one and only Bacon, may he Rest In Peace) and Photos-2 months. I’d say this thing dies out before the end of the year, if not before. No one seems to give a shit and the comment section (the only funny thing worth coming back to read) is also shitting a brick now. They’ll sell it or it’ll just fizzle out. Time to check out OR or BS since they seem to put out consistent content, albeit some is a little try-hard for my liking, it’s better than nothing.
7 years ago at 11:03 amThere’s no way this site makes it another few months. There’s almost no content at all and the few pieces posted a day are straight garbage. The good old days of constant posts and witty comments are long gone. Thinking its well past time to delete the app and stop checking it a few times a week to see if anything changes. The golden days of commenters like Shibby, Frocket, MoneyBall, Fratasaurs, etc. will never return. These morons blocked or banned almost all of their loyal follower accounts and now they are left with a steaming pile of shit.
7 years ago at 11:41 amI never thought Shibby was funny.
7 years ago at 12:26 pmHe had his moments, but his shtick did get old at the end. Either way, the clowns running this site did this to themselves by alienating their loyal readers and commenters. The troll accounts now are just terrible, StallionDaMan was still one of my favorites.
7 years ago at 12:45 pmFucking Stallion. That kid was hilarious.
7 years ago at 1:26 pmBelieve it or not I have a good friend who has an inside source at Grandex. Apparently the last year has been their worst to date financially. Revenue has plummeted and sponsors and advertisers are jumping ship. They can’t even afford to hire full time writers so they are left with a bunch of garbage freelancers. I’ve heard they are slowly fading it out but I’d expect it to be completely gone by christmas.
7 years ago at 1:46 pmJust found Grandex on Fundable (kind of like Kickstarter, but for investors looking to buy into already running companies). Don’t know if that’s a sign or not, but it seems desperate
7 years ago at 1:55 pmWhile it’s true that TFM and TSM have faded a bit, PGP has gotten much stronger. The writing is good, the commenters have a sense of community, and the demographics are positive: young professionals, male and female, who have some money and will be earning more money in the future. Lately, all of the emphasis has been on growing the PGP brand and letting TF/SM get by with the B-team. Their main source of revenue, though, is the clothing stores. I expect ManOutfitters to expand into clothing for young female professionals in the coming year.
7 years ago at 2:50 pmYeah but I like the TFM commenter community of all of us being degenerates collectively shitting on each other. It’s like going home for the holidays
7 years ago at 3:15 pmDamn is this why they’ve been plugging manoutfitters on their podcasts a lot more than usual lately?? Sad to see it at this state
7 years ago at 4:22 pmSponsors didn’t leave grandex, grandex has always wanted to eventually move away from the advertisements, and they are trying to really build up their retail to make that their main form of revenue.
7 years ago at 5:04 pmPgp commenters suck. I want to run most of them over with a street roller.
7 years ago at 4:22 pmAgree. I hate those whiny little know-it-all fucks. And the worst ones are ex-TFMers like Shibby who go over there and act like everyone should kiss their butts because they used to think they were something special. Fuck you, Shibby.
7 years ago at 5:03 pmWhy do you visit PGP if youre not a post-grad
7 years ago at 5:54 pmIf you read my profile you’ll see that I am a post-grad.
7 years ago at 6:03 pmWhy do you visit tfm if you’re not a college student
7 years ago at 4:34 pmThe intellectual repartee.
7 years ago at 6:38 pmOhhhh ya. Seeing drink bath water worthy girls and talking about licking girl’s b-holes is the ultimate intellectual stimulation we all need. And deserve.
7 years ago at 7:41 pmSo it coincides perfectly with when you first popped up. Yeah, that tracks.
7 years ago at 9:24 pmYou used the word “pretentious” 5 times in an 8 paragraph abomination of an article. Get a fucking thesaurus.
7 years ago at 5:12 pm