Newbie 999s are FaF
13 years ago

SOUTH CAROLINA—Despite president John F. Kennedy’s unfortunate political views, his lifestyle is deserving of the highest degree of respect. Inspired by JFK’s love for sailing, Boston-based New Balance created the New Balance 999 “The Kennedy”.

The new shoe contains an attractive selection of multi-colored suede and a nautical flag tongue. While a bit louder than the traditional 993s, The Kennedy will make an excellent addition to any high-class wardrobe.

The New Balance 999s will be available for purchase this March 2011, just in time for sailing season (unless your Dad can get them sooner).

  3. Fratteus

    I was looking for an older column on the site when I saw this. These are some of the most honest-to-god goddamn ugliest shoes I’ve seen.

    “The new shoe contains an attractive selection of multi-colored suede and a nautical flag tongue”
    Simply translates to, ‘We had some leftover suede. So we decided to patch it up, throw it on some cheap plastic, and call it a shoe.’

    When are you gonna wear this ugly ass shoe? On a boat? Nope, where boat shoes.
    The only other time I can see these being worn are for use as a cross-trainer shoe like newbalance is traditionally designed for. And if that is the case, find a better damn shoe. Not this bastard child shoe that’s lost between it’s boat shoe daddy and it’s tramp whore crosstrainer mommy.

    13 years ago at 4:14 am